mtom21 Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Sorry about coming in here and expecting help, its just i have very few people who understand this to turn to, my friends don't appear to have much interest apart from 'you'll be right' etc. Anyway, im a 24 year old male. I had a 1.5 year relationship with a girl who i did rather enjoy dating, she was most everything I was looking at in a female, and for 80% of that relationship it was pretty easy. Towards the post 1 year point, we started fighting quite a bit, nearly broke up because of it. Most of it was stupid and a lot of it was my fault. Move a few months forward and I feel im trying to make it ok, but she becomes emotionally distant for a good 4 weeks and despite my best efforts seems so-so happy I talk to her about with the intent of fixing what i'd done, only this turned her to wanting to end it. She says she just doesn't feel the same anymore after that. I disagree because I felt we solved all the problems and they wern't occuring but she says "she can't continue half committed". But she's not particularly certain, just she feels it cant work in future. There is alot "what if it just ends in 6 months" from her. I try to keep my pride as she's not really listening to me and leave. She sounds certain. I leave it 24 hours and call her (last night) saying I still don't feel we're doing the right thing. I can't rally express exactly what she said, but something about fear of fighting happening, fear of not feeling the same, 'i cant see this relationship working anymore'. Etc. I try and briefly convince her otherwise but she seems set. And thats were i'm at now. When I called her she got very emotional, it was clear she was already doubting her mind on the issue. But i don't want to call again and beg... or try and influence her. I'm really not sure what to do now. Thanks for anyone reading this spill, i tried to keep it short and to the point
WillSingForFood Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I think you may have made it maybe a little too brief. But I get the gist of what your saying. I think that what you maybe should do, is either find out what made her pull away and say what she did about the breakup and try to fix it, or to give her the space she needs and let her figure out what she wants on her own. Either way, it needs to be her decision to get back together with you, and you shouldn't badger her or anything along those lines until she gives up and decides to give you another shot. But good luck regardless.
Author mtom21 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) I think you may have made it maybe a little too brief. But I get the gist of what your saying. I think that what you maybe should do, is either find out what made her pull away and say what she did about the breakup and try to fix it, or to give her the space she needs and let her figure out what she wants on her own. Either way, it needs to be her decision to get back together with you, and you shouldn't badger her or anything along those lines until she gives up and decides to give you another shot. But good luck regardless. Thankyou for the reply. I'll give more detail. Around the 1 year up we started to fight about a few issues almost concurrently, it was to me just alot about stuff seems to come in a big rush. Alot of it was about another guy who seemed hell bent on pushing into our relationship to talk to her and to me it was extremely obvious he was trying to be interested, she disagreed he was just being friendly. I'm still not sure to this day his motives but unfortunately my reaction to it was extremely poorly handled, and everytime it would come up it made things worse. Despite the fact I feel she handled this situation not the best, she never done anything wrong. It just polluted the relationship . As you can imagine these sort of things just lead to all out unhappyness and uncomfortableness within the relationship for a period of time. After this we had one big fight and nearly broke up, but we decided the next morning not too so it continued along. This lead to a reduction in our sex life, it was getting pretty bad, from multiple times a week to once every 3 weeks we went at one period. This frustrated me, i decided i'd talk about it to her, bad idea, made it 10 times worse. There was a few other little fights, like the fact her close friend was seeing a married man. I was never very fond of this or her lack of ever giving her friend advise not to, and it all seemed to happen around the same time. It got pretty bad but I felt we got ontop of it. The problem with it, I will admit openly it was 100% me having the issues most of the time. Never her at me, always me at her. It calmed down a bit for about a month after this. But yes, i spoke to her around 5 nights ago about the fact i'm well aware the problems we had but i am completely 100% committed to making sure they don't happen again, I just need her to want to work them out with me. That last bit was meant to strengthen our relationship but made it seemingly 100x worse and it all unraveled seemingly overnight. I spoke to her last night she was being fake confident about it, she was obviously pretty hurt by some of the fights we had and it shows. Being a male I didn't really understand this i must admit, because the relationship makes sense to me and I do value it. I expressed this to her, but she said her decision stands (despite clearly barely being able to do that, she was very upset). Unfortunately i've expressed to her and shown my intent on fixing things, she doesn't seem to feel it makes alot of difference. She was pretty sure so I told her I won't contact her again. I'll keep my word on this as you said there is no point badgering, she'll come back if she feels its right. I must admit, there is still hope in my head. But I feel I should let it go. Edited May 22, 2011 by mtom21
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