JasonRules Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 So about 3 weeks ago I broke 2+ month NC to ask for my things back. She has some music CDs and a scarf that my mother had given to me as a Christmas present. She also owes me some money. The money I told her she can give me back until the end of June (It's been almost a year), but my other belongings she can give me back whenever. It's been 3 weeks, I asked for my things back yet she has made no effort or attempt to return them either via mail or in person. Wouldn't it make sense to just give me my things back and get it over with instead of prolonging this more and more? I don't understand what's the point; is it total apathy, boredom, I'm not worth the effort? If I ended it with someone, I would try and give them all their belongings back as soon as possible in order get it out of the way, but oddly enough nothing yet on her part. Opinions/thoughts?
69ways Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 same boat, she has all my winter clothes and the ring of 5000 usd i got her and keeps calling and texting but ,akes no effort to send them back
alphamale Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 this is called "holding your ex's stuff hostage for fun" and is quite common....don't count on getting anything back
Author JasonRules Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 this is called "holding your ex's stuff hostage for fun" and is quite common....don't count on getting anything back To what end though? I mean, what's the point of keeping my things if they have no interest in me.
alphamale Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 To what end though? I mean, what's the point of keeping my things if they have no interest in me. momentos, keepsakes, spite, hatred
geegirl Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 My ex holds my stuff ransom. It leaves the door open for possible contact in the future (in the case of my ex), which means absolutely nothing or it could mean that they don't give two hoots about it. She knows to give it back and if she doesn't want to, best to leave it alone. We hope for people to do the right thing but unfortunately...
geegirl Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 momentos, keepsakes, spite, hatred Agree. Sometimes they're just not bothered to deal with it. It's just random stuff to them. As for the money, she's probably hoping to let it slide again if she never had the decency to return it then.
Author JasonRules Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 My ex holds my stuff ransom. It leaves the door open for possible contact in the future (in the case of my ex), which means absolutely nothing or it could mean that they don't give two hoots about it. She knows to give it back and if she doesn't want to, best to leave it alone. We hope for people to do the right thing but unfortunately... That's just very odd because in my case my ex clearly does not want anything to do with me at all. She does not text, call, or email me whatsoever. To my logic dictates that if you do not want someone in your life than you return all their belongings so as to cut the cord so there would be no reason for contact in the future.
alphamale Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 She does not text, call, or email me whatsoever. if she doesn't even do those simple thing which take seconds why would she spend an hour or two gather your crap and sending it to you?
Author JasonRules Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 if she doesn't even do those simple thing which take seconds why would she spend an hour or two gather your crap and sending it to you? Well it would only take 5-10 minutes, plus by sending them to me then there would be absolutely no need for any additional contact. It's a win-win for her.
Trovador Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 It scares me to no end that my ex might not make the payments of a debt of which I am co-debtor... And to think that I almost asked my bank for an additional credit card for her... Jason, maybe it's time to remind her of her obligations. Maybe telling her that she can make small payments to some account of yours will do the trick? I owed my former ex some money, but nothing in this world mattered more to me than honor that debt... I never thought of taking that money for myself, you know, as a payment for all my troubles with her, ha ha, and I hope your ex isn't thinking of that...
Desensitized Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Some women keep the things not because they care/want the items, but so that they can leave those things hanging around. So when the next boyfriend rolls along, the boyfriend sees this and asks "who is he?" and they explain who you are and tell them that you were their boyfriend at some point in time - it's like they keep these things as trophies for the other guy to see. Sickening, really. I don't know if guys do this too, but if they do, I'd like to hear from a woman's perspective.
geegirl Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 It's either she can't be bothered by it or doesn't have your stuff to return (dumped it and can't tell you) and has no intention of paying you back. Maybe it's a sadistic move to just have a hook in you. Who knows. I don't believe it's gender specific that stuff is kept around as trophies. As a person, I would never let someone entering my life feel insecure by keeping things visible nor would I feel in some way grandiose by my past Rs as accomplishments or conquests. If there are men or women that do that, I would assume it stems from their self esteem. My ex kept his ex's stuff around when I showed up. Then dumped it all after I told him put it away.
Sugarkane Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I can relate. My ex never gave me back my drinks to me. Even though he doesn't even like the drinks I get anyway. Its not just girls that do this.
coltsfan1 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 the first time my ex and I broke up she wouldn't give me my things back, there was ZERO communication. However this time she offered and I told her to keep the things that I gave her, not out of spite but because I didn't really ever want to see her again. She text me asking for something after I found out she had been cheating (didn't come out till after the break up) and I didn't respond. I believe she should replace her things I will not lift a finger to give her something that I paid for that would benefit her. She doesn't deserve it. Call me bitter but that is the cold hard truth.....
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