GivenUp0083 Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I broke 3 weeks of NC last night with a happy birthday text. All I said "Happy Birthday" at 11:52pm. Didn't get a response by the time I passed out from drinking at bars with my buddies all night at 1:30am so I figured she wouldn't. I surprisingly didn't bother me. Woke up this morning, saw she texted back at at 3:00am saying "thanks". That's it. We didn't talk, didn't say anything else. I just made a gut decision that if things ever did come back around then I'd feel bad for at least not saying happy bday after she spent and did a lot for me on mine. It was the least I could do and that's all I did. No word from her since, and there's no other possible reason for me to initiate contact again. It is done, and I don't feel like I took any steps back. I mean I still miss her, but I'm still fine and I'm not as hurt as I was at first.
69ways Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I believe NC should not be broken. On one hand is good not to text and give her the advantage on the other hand though is good to let her know you care, especially if you f..... up.
SunnyV Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I broke 3 weeks of NC last night with a happy birthday text. All I said "Happy Birthday" at 11:52pm. Didn't get a response by the time I passed out from drinking at bars with my buddies all night at 1:30am so I figured she wouldn't. I surprisingly didn't bother me. Woke up this morning, saw she texted back at at 3:00am saying "thanks". That's it. We didn't talk, didn't say anything else. I just made a gut decision that if things ever did come back around then I'd feel bad for at least not saying happy bday after she spent and did a lot for me on mine. It was the least I could do and that's all I did. No word from her since, and there's no other possible reason for me to initiate contact again. It is done, and I don't feel like I took any steps back. I mean I still miss her, but I'm still fine and I'm not as hurt as I was at first. Everyone handles there break up differently. Just because you are out of a relationship with your ex doesn't mean you don't know that person. you have an connection. did what you felt you had to do. nothing is wrong with that.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Everyone handles there break up differently. Just because you are out of a relationship with your ex doesn't mean you don't know that person. you have an connection. did what you felt you had to do. nothing is wrong with that. Thank you, that's how I saw it too. Whether or not she wants to be with me, I know she still cared about me and felt guilty for hurting me. I didn't **** up, she just has GIGS and wants to find a true love story that she covets about her friend. That's her decision and has every right to search for that. Just hurts knowing from my end and my history of dating struggle and bad relationships to know we had something that you can't find around every corner. Anyway, I know I shouldn't have, but it was a way to show I still cared and still remembered her bday despite that I haven't talked to her. I wasn't desperate sounding and didn't do anything to give the impression I'm not having a great time or down in the dumps. She has no idea what's going on with me right now.
Trovador Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Yep, not a big deal... I just talked by phone to my ex (we are in LC) and it ended like I had figured it: she yelling (again) and threatening me with never talking to me... you might wonder why I did it, but I need it for tomorrow, when I return to work after some vacations (we are coworkers)... I knew it would be better not contacting her at all, but now I know it for sure... ha ha... Sometimes, and being the thick headed I am, I need some not so gentle remainders why we aren't together... oddly enough (or maybe not) and like you, GivenUp, I don't feel bad; I feel sort of renovated and with a certain sense of closure, although I suspect this wasn't the last I heard of her... There isn't just a cut out way to handle a break up and one's got to do what one's got to do, right? Good luck!
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Yep, not a big deal... I just talked by phone to my ex (we are in LC) and it ended like I had figured it: she yelling (again) and threatening me with never talking to me... you might wonder why I did it, but I need it for tomorrow, when I return to work after some vacations (we are coworkers)... I knew it would be better not contacting her at all, but now I know it for sure... ha ha... Sometimes, and being the thick headed I am, I need some not so gentle remainders why we aren't together... oddly enough (or maybe not) and like you, GivenUp, I don't feel bad; I feel sort of renovated and with a certain sense of closure, although I suspect this wasn't the last I heard of her... There isn't just a cut out way to handle a break up and one's got to do what one's got to do, right? Good luck! I feel like talking to her too sometimes, she extended the offer to be there for me whenever I need her for the rest of our lives, but obviously you don't go to your ex when you're hurting. Now that 99% of the hurting is gone, I still feel like I'd get some closure talking to her more, to remind myself this really happened and that it's really over. Part of me things with her GIGS that she'll one day realize she made a mistake, but she's had a lot of ex's in the past that were good to her and she passed on them as well, so who's to say she'd ever come back to me. She probably wouldn't. She claims that she hates knowing I think she doesn't care about me, but it does feel like she could care less about me or what happens. I don't truly know that she'd ever be willing to talk again. I also think breaking NC with actual conversation would shoot the chance of her ever reconsidering us again in the foot.
69ways Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I travelled to her on her bd after we broke up and gave her flowers she still calls and txts so it all deepens on the person and circumstances dont leave people put your situation in frames
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 If you want to completely bury her out of your mind just pretend that she was banging some other dude between 11:52pm and 3:00am as a birthday present to herself before she had a chance to respond to your message. That should do the trick.
Trovador Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Seriously, and painful as it is, imagining your ex bedding another person makes wonders for the mind... sometimes, I think my ex is doing the deed with more than one person at the time... Creepily enough, that might be possible... isn't he or she a healthy person with physical and emotional needs? I know for sure I'd be doing the same thing if I had the chance... But just think about it, don't start stalking him/her...
radiodarcy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 If you want to completely bury her out of your mind just pretend that she was banging some other dude between 11:52pm and 3:00am as a birthday present to herself before she had a chance to respond to your message. That should do the trick. indeed! anytime i get the urge to break NC i picture my ex with someone else. his bday is coming up too and i have no plans to text him. i'm sure he'll be too busy getting bday sex from his new girl to be bothered to care whether he hears from me at all!
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 indeed! anytime i get the urge to break NC i picture my ex with someone else. his bday is coming up too and i have no plans to text him. i'm sure he'll be too busy getting bday sex from his new girl to be bothered to care whether he hears from me at all! Ha, good point. I usually get some pretty special treatment on my birthdays, especially early on in new relationships.
radiodarcy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 lol..you're lucky. i never have i actually don't know if he's with someone else or not. i'd rather assume than know for sure -- makes it easier to stay away. knowing him he probably is - - he moves fast...
JasonRules Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 @OP About 2 weeks ago me and my ex talked on the phone for about an hour. I had been NC for 2+ months and during our conversation I said "Happy belated birthday, by the way...I would have called, but I thought it was best not to call" and she said "Oh, thank you". So it doesn't seem she even cared that I didn't call/text to wish them a happy birthday. Either that or she just played it off cool, but I think its the former than the latter. Think about it; if our exes have no desire to be with us or keep in contact with us, than why would they care if we don't wish them a happy birthday? So I'm still of the opinion that it's best not to break NC for any birthdays or holidays for that matter.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 lol..you're lucky. i never have i actually don't know if he's with someone else or not. i'd rather assume than know for sure -- makes it easier to stay away. knowing him he probably is - - he moves fast... That's unfortunate Darcy....if it were me on your bday I'd make sure it was a night you'd never forget As for this situation, an event has occured that has almost instantly made me feel 100% over her with no way of ever going back to her. My best friend was dating her best friend, and she dumped him last night. His situation on life is more complex than mine (divorced, personal business bankruptcy), and she basically dumped him in a stupid way, used the same stupid reasons as my ex did, and acted in a way the last couple weeks that was immature and stupid. Now that I've seen his scenario as a 3rd party, I'm able to view my situation from the outside looking in. I'm no longer hurt or upset, I'm annoyed and disgusted with her. I'm seriously considering shooting her an email in response to her patronizing one explaining exactly how I feel, point out her flaws, her bull****, and her immaturity. I'd clearly make note of how ridiculous her views are, how much lack of respect she had for who I am as a person, and her irrational view on relationships and true love. I wouldn't be blatantly mean about it, but I'd be clear, concise, and well written in this email, and I'd tell her that I do not with to be friends and I never want to see her or talk to her again. That's how I feel about it now. It feels nice to be over it. I hate to say the downfall of my friend's relationship is what helped me, but it's the truth. I see clearly now who these women really are and how stupid and ridiculous they are. I'm over it, WELL over it, and more than ready to move on with my life.
radiodarcy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 lol.. thanks GivenUp - - i'm sure you would just so i'm clear - - is it your ex your thinking of writing this e-mail to or your friend's ex? if so, could you write one to my ex while your at it? but all jokes aside, if you are planning on writing the email to your ex. may i suggest you wait awhile before sending it? i think it might be better to wait for the dust to settle, if you send this - - esp in the wake of your friend's break up it may cause a lot of drama that doesn't need to happen. and chances are she's really not going to listen to anything you have to say because of that. i mean if you want to send it - - go ahead. but it might be received in a better light if you wait a bit. it's so true that you can tell how people are by the company they keep. my ex used to brag about how he knew how to treat a woman while none of his friends did; and how they were amazed at his mad skillz and i will give him credit - - he does have skills. but having those skills doesn't make him a kind compassionate complex person - - it makes him a shallow player with major commitment issues who has no idea how to treat a woman once he finally does win her over. which in my opinion makes him no different from his buddies...
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 lol.. thanks GivenUp - - i'm sure you would just so i'm clear - - is it your ex your thinking of writing this e-mail to or your friend's ex? if so, could you write one to my ex while your at it? but all jokes aside, if you are planning on writing the email to your ex. may i suggest you wait awhile before sending it? i think it might be better to wait for the dust to settle, if you send this - - esp in the wake of your friend's break up it may cause a lot of drama that doesn't need to happen. and chances are she's really not going to listen to anything you have to say because of that. i mean if you want to send it - - go ahead. but it might be received in a better light if you wait a bit. it's so true that you can tell how people are by the company they keep. my ex used to brag about how he knew how to treat a woman while none of his friends did; and how they were amazed at his mad skillz and i will give him credit - - he does have skills. but having those skills doesn't make him a kind compassionate complex person - - it makes him a shallow player with major commitment issues who has no idea how to treat a woman once he finally does win her over. which in my opinion makes him no different from his buddies... You were absolutely right. I was so close to sending it, but I'm glad I didn't, but not for a good reason. I know I'm stupid for looking, but a mutual friend put pictures on facebook from the night of the game, and then of her bday party that I obviously wasn't invited to. This sounds so cheezy and stupid, but she's still so beautiful to me. It crushes me to see her smile like that, all happy, especially without me there. I really felt over it, I really was annoyed today, but now part of me still can't believe I let this girl I was in love with walk away. I didn't even put up any fight to keep her or anything. I just let her walk out of my life. Please be honest, is there ANY chance she contacts me at some point in the future or is she pretty much gone forever?
radiodarcy Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 yeah - - i'm glad you didn't send it - - it only would have made things worse for you and it would have lowered your value in her eyes. i don't think you're being fair to yourself in saying that you should have done more to hang onto your ex. i hung in there with my ex for two and a half years - - and this was after the relationship had deteriorated into a friends with benefits situation. even though my friends kept telling me to give it up and move on. i refused. i was too love with him. and felt that if i just stayed with the situation he would come around and see how much i cared and give me chance. i told myself that i couldn't go NC until i knew i had done everything in my power to make things work between us. the problem was - - the more i did to try and hang onto him (crying, begging pleading, writing long emails), the more i pushed him away. i really don't think there is anything you could have done to keep your ex from walking away. as i posted on another thread, there is no redeeming value in trying to be a part of someone's life when they no longer wish to be part of yours. my ex offered me the friendship route; which i tried for about a month. but i couldn't handle listening to him talk about how great his life is now and - - even worse, telling me about his exploits in the dating world; from the banging body of the girl he went out with the night before to the girl who broke his heart a few weeks later. hello? what about my MY heart? the one HE broke? a lot of good hanging in there did me! that's when i went right back to NC. as for whether or not your ex will come back. honestly, that's anyone's guess. given her track record as you laid out earlier,it doesn't sound likely. but who knows. she may. but really, that's why NC is the only way to go. if she does come back - - it will be because she wanted to. not because of any heroic effort on your part. that's really the way it should be. and if she doesn't well -- hopefully you will have healed enough to move on and find someone else. i'm at 11 weeks of NC and even though, as of recently, i had no interest whatsoever in dating anyone ever again. i am finding myself starting to notice other guys again. which is a good thing i guess. but i've also been focusing on other things outside of dating and men - - like animal rescue, politics, working out, reading. things that mean something to me and more importantly -- distract me from thinking about him. our exes aren't the only ones who get to have a life without us. we need to prove to ourselves that we can have a life outside of them just as easily...
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