How do you know if they're 'the one' or its just emotional dependence?

[hurley21]

My ex and I have been a roller coaster. He wants me, he doesn't, etc etc etc He has dumped me dozens of times, every time he stresses out about something in his life. Now, he finally got the independence he wanted. He lives over an hour away. He has his life together as he wanted. Now, he thinks he wants me again- but I have a feeling that its just so he isn't alone at his new place. Every time I question whether he really wants ME or just doesn't want to be alone, he cuts me off and says "Fine, we'll just be friends". Then he seems to have no problem being alone again, until something comes up and he feels scared or lonely and then he 'needs' me again. I keep coming back over and over like an idiot. So, it leaves me wondering- do you stay with someone despite their issues because you really love them, or am I just being used and I need to get out? Is the pain I feel without him just pain over something being over that I was really used to, or am I missing him because he's the one for me? How can you tell the difference? I think the emotional dependence is blinding me a bit. I need clarity! Help and thanks!

[WillSingForFood]

What you could try to do, is to stay away from him for a bit. Don't talk to him, dont go over because he feels lonely or anything else like that. Just leave him be, and try to give him the hint that you want to be left alone. For a while at least. Just to see how you both survive and get along without the other there, so that you can see if you really miss them, or the company of having someone else that you're familiar to.

[Banker Chick]

I'm basically your bf in my situation. I don't know why I keep feeling like we won't work because as soon as we break up, I want to be back together within a day or so. My bf (exbf I guess) finally said enough and he wanted some space and to get off the rollercoaster for awhile. We agreed that we'd take a time out for the next 5 weeks since he doesn't really have a lot of time for me anyway living an hour and 1/2 away and taking a summer college class and we'll keep in touch as friends but no relationship talk, no seeing each other and we can date others. I'm hoping this will tell me once and for all if we truly can't be together or if I'm just scared and he's the one that I really want.

 

My suggestion would be something similar. I know it's hard to take a full blown time out but it's necessary to figure out what's behind the break ups. I figure, if I can get through the next 4-5 weeks not seeing him and being so emotionally dependent on him maybe it will give me (us) some much needed perspective.

[plasma]

My ex and I have been a roller coaster. He wants me, he doesn't, etc etc etc He has dumped me dozens of times, every time he stresses out about something in his life. Now, he finally got the independence he wanted. He lives over an hour away. He has his life together as he wanted. Now, he thinks he wants me again- but I have a feeling that its just so he isn't alone at his new place. Every time I question whether he really wants ME or just doesn't want to be alone, he cuts me off and says "Fine, we'll just be friends". Then he seems to have no problem being alone again, until something comes up and he feels scared or lonely and then he 'needs' me again. I keep coming back over and over like an idiot. So, it leaves me wondering- do you stay with someone despite their issues because you really love them, or am I just being used and I need to get out? Is the pain I feel without him just pain over something being over that I was really used to, or am I missing him because he's the one for me? How can you tell the difference? I think the emotional dependence is blinding me a bit. I need clarity! Help and thanks!

 

you have no self respect, so why should anyone help you ?

[Banker Chick]

^^Wow. Harsh much? I'm sure your post was very helpful to the OP.

[Sugarkane]

Thats a good question. I have an ex that also like doing this too me. I got sick and tired of his games. I told him I couldn't take it anymore and to make up his mind. I just went full NC on him. He seems to only want me when theres no one else around.