Lilmisus Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 On Friday, I basically said goodbye to my ex. If you want to see more of a back story on that, the post his here. The thing is, is that I knew when we were saying goodbye that I would have to see him later this week when I go in for my paycheck and to give my final rounds of goodbye's and see ya later's to my other coworkers who I didn't have the pleasure of seeing on Friday. I promised them that I'd stop in and hang around for a while just to talk and whatnot. I'm just wondering, since I told him that I wanted to leave things on decent terms even though we aren't friends right now and hopefully can be in the future, how should I react around him? What should I say or do? For the past month or whatever I've been ignoring him like crazy except for Friday night when I talked to him three times. Even then though (before the goodbye), when he tried to make eye contact or talk to me I'd still ignore him if I had the option...cause ya know, I'm just a bitch that way I want to leave things on a good note so that when I possibly see him later this year or next if I go back to my job, then things will be as okay as they possibly can be. I promised him and my managers that if I go back then I'll be ready to be friends and to put things behind me, and I mean that. I still may not go back though, but I just want to keep the option open if I decide to. So, what should be said, if anything (I don't have to talk to him, but he may try to talk to me..I don't know)? Should I walk up to him and say a couple of positive things? Should I wish him well again? Tell him that he means a lot to me so to take care of himself? Give him a handshake or a hug (I've been hugging everyone there these past couple of days)? Say sorry for being so rude about things with the ignoring and the being a complete bitch to his girlfriend? Or just say "See ya later alligator!" and leave it at that? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated!
WillSingForFood Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Since you want to try at being friends sometime in the future, I think you should be as polite and friendly as you can be without crossing any boundaries. I say: tell him that you will miss him and that you wish him all the best. Tell him that he meant a lot to you, but that you hope that the time apart will be what you need in order to move on and move forward with your life, which is something you need to do. Dont go all out and tell him that youre in love with him. Just be kind about it. Dont ignore him again either. If he tries talking to you, talk to him, and kill him with kindness. Maybe give him a little parting hug at the end if youre feeling it, but like I said, dont cross the boundaries.
Trovador Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 But you said goodbye to him already, you don't need to show him how attached are you still to him... when and if you go back to your job, you'll worry then about the amenities you will say to each other... Were not for your other coworkers I'd say go for your check in a inconspicuous way or maybe you might send them a farewell email, which is what everybody does these days... In any case, I wouldn't worry about the friendship thingy now, because for that you must be completely healed and anyway, he has a girlfriend right?
Author Lilmisus Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 But you said goodbye to him already, you don't need to show him how attached are you still to him... when and if you go back to your job, you'll worry then about the amenities you will say to each other... Understandable. But then should I just ignore him as I have been doing? Like I said, I already told him that I wanted to leave things on decent terms, and part of me feels that if I just ignore him when and if he tries to talk to me, then that wont leave things on decent terms like we were trying to do. It would just feel like a step back from how we were on Friday, ya know? But I'm not going to go out of my way to talk or worry about him either. I'm really just worried about if the situation arises. Who knows? He may even call out or something, and I wont have to worry about him being there..which would be awesome Were not for your other coworkers I'd say go for your check in a inconspicuous way or maybe you might send them a farewell email, which is what everybody does these days... I could easily go in there on Wednesday, right at 2 o'clock when they come out, and leave before we open and before he gets there. But, that's really just not an option for me. Only because, I want to hug and personally say goodbye to some of the coworkers who I haven't been able to (a couple of whom I haven't seen in a few weeks, sadly). I don't want to just text or send them a message saying "hey, I could come in and say hi, but I can't because of the ex" to which they'd each tell me to get my ass up in there and not worry about him In any case, I wouldn't worry about the friendship thingy now, because for that you must be completely healed and anyway, he has a girlfriend right?You are absolutely right. I do need to be completely healed in order to be friends with him, and I'm not there yet. But to leave things on good terms would be a wonderful thing, and our mutual friends are encouraging me to do so. And yes..he has a girlfriend, the chick he left me for, and the real reason that I'm leaving my job...which most people there know, but something I don't want to admit to him
Author Lilmisus Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Since you want to try at being friends sometime in the future, I think you should be as polite and friendly as you can be without crossing any boundaries. I say: tell him that you will miss him and that you wish him all the best. Tell him that he meant a lot to you, but that you hope that the time apart will be what you need in order to move on and move forward with your life, which is something you need to do. Dont go all out and tell him that youre in love with him. Just be kind about it. Dont ignore him again either. If he tries talking to you, talk to him, and kill him with kindness. Maybe give him a little parting hug at the end if youre feeling it, but like I said, dont cross the boundaries. "Kill them with kindness" is something a whole lot of people have been telling me. I think you may be the 15th person to do so as of now
Trovador Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Look, in my modest experience, leaving on either good or bad terms is a moot point, the relationship is over not matter how it ended... Now, according to my already mentioned modest experience, my ex (also a coworker) has reacted faster and with more sense of purpose, when we've broken up angry, I guess NC in good terms is more bearable, but NC after a fight elicits urgent responses, a desire, maybe, of getting things smooth again, or else... when we have said "let's take one of these days" in a rather civil way, nothing happens or at least nothing of substance... So, I don't buy that saying about killing people with niceness, none of my exes came back after an amenable break up, but I am not really advocating this approach, it was just something that happened to happen... I'd say instead "kill them with INDIFFERENCE"... I won't elaborate about this because I am not into tricks or games... But I still don't understand why are you so worried about the protocol with your ex, if I were you I couldn't care less what he might think of me if I'd snub him... but I think the good Lord made us different from each other so there could be different opinions on sentimental forums like this one... ha ha... good luck!
Author Lilmisus Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Look, in my modest experience, leaving on either good or bad terms is a moot point, the relationship is over not matter how it ended... Now, according to my already mentioned modest experience, my ex (also a coworker) has reacted faster and with more sense of purpose, when we've broken up angry, I guess NC in good terms is more bearable, but NC after a fight elicits urgent responses, a desire, maybe, of getting things smooth again, or else... when we have said "let's take one of these days" in a rather civil way, nothing happens or at least nothing of substance... So, I don't buy that saying about killing people with niceness, none of my exes came back after an amenable break up, but I am not really advocating this approach, it was just something that happened to happen... I'd say instead "kill them with INDIFFERENCE"... I won't elaborate about this because I am not into tricks or games... But I still don't understand why are you so worried about the protocol with your ex, if I were you I couldn't care less what he might think of me if I'd snub him... but I think the good Lord made us different from each other so there could be different opinions on sentimental forums like this one... ha ha... good luck! Love the idea of killing him with indifference. But I definitely get where you are coming from. A few people have fought your point, including my mother (who has been cheering me on with being a bitch since she found out about everything); she doesn't feel that I should talk to him or give him the time of day anymore with the way he hurt me. My biggest thing though, is that I do still care about him. I never wanted to turn into the big bitch who ignored him and treated him and his new girlfriend poorly, but I felt it was the best thing for me to do. He wanted us to be friends, at least in the beginning, before I found out everything. He also tried a few times to talk to me and be civil after everything went down and was said. I just felt, and still feel that I was way too hurt and couldn't trust him enough to be friends or even talk to him. I just made him the promise that I'd always care about him and never hate him, no matter what, and I meant it..to the point where it's just really hard to say goodbye, especially on bad terms. But I must admit, though I don't want him back at all, the idea of moving his focus from his girl back to me is a nice idea and I'd be willing to put on my best fake smile to do so It wont make any difference in whether or not we'll get back together in the future, but it may alter their relationship a bit..which in case you can't tell...I definitely want to happen. The bitch in me wants their relationship to be as disastrous as our was...it wont help me in any way shape or form..it's just a mean wish of mine..sadly. I think that once that wish is gone, then we probably will be really ready to be friends.
Trovador Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 You are too nice for your own good ha ha!!!! Well, until the bitchy thoughts about your ex's current relationship... let them be, just let them be... You will be fine!!!
plasma Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 On Friday, I basically said goodbye to my ex. If you want to see more of a back story on that, the post his here. The thing is, is that I knew when we were saying goodbye that I would have to see him later this week when I go in for my paycheck and to give my final rounds of goodbye's and see ya later's to my other coworkers who I didn't have the pleasure of seeing on Friday. I promised them that I'd stop in and hang around for a while just to talk and whatnot. I'm just wondering, since I told him that I wanted to leave things on decent terms even though we aren't friends right now and hopefully can be in the future, how should I react around him? What should I say or do? For the past month or whatever I've been ignoring him like crazy except for Friday night when I talked to him three times. Even then though (before the goodbye), when he tried to make eye contact or talk to me I'd still ignore him if I had the option...cause ya know, I'm just a bitch that way I want to leave things on a good note so that when I possibly see him later this year or next if I go back to my job, then things will be as okay as they possibly can be. I promised him and my managers that if I go back then I'll be ready to be friends and to put things behind me, and I mean that. I still may not go back though, but I just want to keep the option open if I decide to. So, what should be said, if anything (I don't have to talk to him, but he may try to talk to me..I don't know)? Should I walk up to him and say a couple of positive things? Should I wish him well again? Tell him that he means a lot to me so to take care of himself? Give him a handshake or a hug (I've been hugging everyone there these past couple of days)? Say sorry for being so rude about things with the ignoring and the being a complete bitch to his girlfriend? Or just say "See ya later alligator!" and leave it at that? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated! NO NO NO ! i dont need to explain why you SHOULDNT ! unless you want your emotions to torment you forever if one of you says anything that triggers. I would not do it
Author Lilmisus Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 You are too nice for your own good ha ha!!!! Well, until the bitchy thoughts about your ex's current relationship... let them be, just let them be... You will be fine!!! So hard to do...especially since I'm not the only one by any means that wants them to end But you're definitely not the first person to tell me that. Thank you! NO NO NO ! i dont need to explain why you SHOULDNT ! unless you want your emotions to torment you forever if one of you says anything that triggers. I would not do it I'm really confused . Don't do what, exactly? Go in there? Talk to him? Be nice?
plasma Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 So hard to do...especially since I'm not the only one by any means that wants them to end But you're definitely not the first person to tell me that. Thank you! I'm really confused . Don't do what, exactly? Go in there? Talk to him? Be nice? if its over, your thoughts should be what your planning to do next for YOURSELF dont look for excuses to see him to make yourself feel better
Author Lilmisus Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 if its over, your thoughts should be what your planning to do next for YOURSELF dont look for excuses to see him to make yourself feel better Ohh okay, that explains it more. And I'm not trying to find any excuse to see him, though it probably does seem that way. By leaving my job that I love, it's a great excuse to never have to see him again..which is without a doubt the best thing I could do for myself right now I just know that he'll definitely be there when I'm looking to see and talk to all my other coworkers for a little while, and if the situation arises, it's hard not to wonder and mull about what should be said or how one should behave. I know him, and I know how everyone there for the most part, loves him, and he has no issue going up and talking to someone. Apparently, even if I'm there it doesn't really seem to phase him.
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