He wants a break - what do I do?

[Daisy44]

Hi all, I would like some advice on the best way to act in my current situation, so the history is that me and my boyfriend are both 31 and have been together for a year and a half, in the beginning it was amazing we were so happy and both fell in love, around Christmas time I found out he'd been texting a lady behind my back that he did some work for, it was clear that nothing had happened between them but the texts were really flirty and I think it was an ego boost for him as we'd started having a few arguments around that time. He was really upset and apologetic when I confronted him about it and swore never to speak to her again and from then on I truly believe he never did anything like that again however it caused me a lot of problems as I really struggled to trust him after that and couldn't let it go. The result being lots of arguing and me getting at him for every little thing that he does. I know he caused it initially but it got to the point where I should have gotten over it but instead just gave him such a hard time all the time when he wasn't doing anything wrong. So the past month I started to really trust him again and we were getting on well but something just didn't feel right and yesterday he told me that he thinks we should have a break because he needs to be on his own for a bit to assess the situation and sort his head out to see how he feels about me. I obviously did the typical thing of begging him not to and he almost changed his mind as he was also quite upset about it bit then said that if we carry on like this we will definitely not work out because he can't forget about everything that's happened but that the best thing we can do is have a break as he might find he really misses me and realise that he was happier with me than he thought.

 

 

He said he still really loves me but that he's just not sure we can be together so needs to be alone to see how he feels, he's not going to go out to pull or looking for anyone else and says we can still chat and meet up if I want to see him.

 

So my question is what should I do now? How do I make sure that I don't lose him for good, should I not contact him at all and let him come to me and in your opinions do you think it's likely he will want to be back with me? I feel as though he's really unsure what he wants, he's not a coward so if he wanted an outright split I'm very sure he would have just done that.

 

Thanks

[PelicanPete]

He wanted the break so let him have a break. Do your best not to contact him and give him space. It sounds like you became insecure when he was texting that other woman, and started to be too clingy. If your relationship were to keep up like that it would've gone down hill fast.

 

I think the break is for both of you to regain your independence and being comfortable by yourselves, so that your relationship enhances each others lives instead of completes it. Do your best to embrace it, and only talk to him if he contacts you first or if it's something like legal matters. Often in relationships, we get too sucked into it and lose touch with who we are and what we like to do.

 

So start taking steps to get back in touch with your self. If you use to love painting bird houses or something, get back into it! It will strengthen your relationship in the long run.

[Fedor]

Leave him alone and do your own thing. Is it hard? Of course. But its for the better as you have to live life as if he isnt coming back. That's just me being pessimistic though as I dont believe that breaks help anything. I believe couples should be able to work out problems together, not apart. Because how are any of the problems addressed when the two people with the problems are apart? But, as the poster above stated, there could positives to a break as well but I dont look it like that.

[Darren Taylor]

If he wanted to be with you, he would. He doesn't want to be with you. He wants to be single, but keep you as a safety net. Consider this a breakUP. Do not go back to him. He's dumped you in a cowardly way. Find someone that wants to be with you.

[Daisy44]

Hi all

 

Thanks for your responses... it's def not a cowardly thing, he's a very mature sensible guy and has thought this through for a while. I think it's a case of had we carried on as we were it would have got worse and worse and definitely not lasted so he sees this as the best thing to do, to have a break and see how we feel about each other. If he wanted to split he would have but he's not sure that's what he wants hence the time apart to sort out his head... and me mine.

 

He text me last night to see how i am and ask what i've been up to, i think he's just making sure i'm ok though rather than doing it because he misses me.

[Fedor]

He text me last night to see how i am and ask what i've been up to, i think he's just making sure i'm ok though rather than doing it because he misses me.

 

Yes, that indeed sounds like breadcrumbs. Avoid it.

[Daisy44]

Hi

 

Can anyone else offer any advice? I'm really struggling not to contact him.

 

Thanks

[ilovedhim]

around Christmas time I found out he'd been texting a lady behind my back that he did some work for, it was clear that nothing had happened between them but the texts were really flirty

 

Not to put doubts in your head but how do you know nothing happened? You say you guys started arguing alot after this and that things didn't feel right. I think you're being too hard on yourself and perhaps there is more to it.

 

He asked for time to reassess the situation you must give it to him. The worst thing you can do is contact him. Don't contact him unless he contacts you first.

 

The next time you speak to him ask him to be honest. If he wants a clear split he needs to tell you. And you need to give it a time limit for yourself. Don't tell him but think of how much time you'll give before you break it off completely.

[Daisy44]

Hi

 

Thanks for your post. I know nothing more happened as I read all the texts and it was obvious.. When I said things didn't feel right I meant after all the arguing not because of the texting. It was like we'd been arguing for so long that when we stopped it felt weird and damaged.. I think that's why he needs the break as he's not sure how he feels about me but then at the same time he said he still loves me so I'm very confused. I'm hoping he will miss me but I just keep thinking that he'll be busy and going out and that he won't (

[Noregret]

Hi all, I would like some advice on the best way to act in my current situation, so the history is that me and my boyfriend are both 31 and have been together for a year and a half, in the beginning it was amazing we were so happy and both fell in love, around Christmas time I found out he'd been texting a lady behind my back that he did some work for, it was clear that nothing had happened between them but the texts were really flirty and I think it was an ego boost for him as we'd started having a few arguments around that time. He was really upset and apologetic when I confronted him about it and swore never to speak to her again and from then on I truly believe he never did anything like that again however it caused me a lot of problems as I really struggled to trust him after that and couldn't let it go. The result being lots of arguing and me getting at him for every little thing that he does. I know he caused it initially but it got to the point where I should have gotten over it but instead just gave him such a hard time all the time when he wasn't doing anything wrong. So the past month I started to really trust him again and we were getting on well but something just didn't feel right and yesterday he told me that he thinks we should have a break because he needs to be on his own for a bit to assess the situation and sort his head out to see how he feels about me. I obviously did the typical thing of begging him not to and he almost changed his mind as he was also quite upset about it bit then said that if we carry on like this we will definitely not work out because he can't forget about everything that's happened but that the best thing we can do is have a break as he might find he really misses me and realise that he was happier with me than he thought.

 

 

He said he still really loves me but that he's just not sure we can be together so needs to be alone to see how he feels, he's not going to go out to pull or looking for anyone else and says we can still chat and meet up if I want to see him.

 

So my question is what should I do now? How do I make sure that I don't lose him for good, should I not contact him at all and let him come to me and in your opinions do you think it's likely he will want to be back with me? I feel as though he's really unsure what he wants, he's not a coward so if he wanted an outright split I'm very sure he would have just done that.

 

Thanks

 

 

Don't contact him. PERIOD. I made the mistake of contacting him and made a fool of myself. If he needs time, so be it. Do what you do - gym, have fun, meet friends, watch movies etc. and let him find you. But don't wait for him. Don't let him feel that your life revolves around him! This is experience talking!!

[adamm1]

Hello,.

My name is Brett. I am a relation counselor. Well I thing you should know is that relationships cannot be pushed, they tend to flow with time. If your partner wants a break, let him have it. I am not saying you to break the relationship., the thing is let him have his break, talk to him, and he would himself realize your importance in his life.

Best of luck!!

[Daisy44]

Hey thanks for the advice, he emailed me on Wednesday just asking how I was and what I'd been up to, didn't mention anything about us it was just general chit chat. Not heard from him again since that... How long do you think is fair to leave it before contacting him?

 

Thanks