iris219 Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Why do some men say that when a woman is single, it’s her choice? Women don't say this about men. I’m single and it’s definitely not by choice. Unless a woman has decided that she wants to be single and chooses to not get involved in relationships, being single isn’t a choice. There are women who have a fear of being in a relationship (abandonment/ intimacy/trust issues, etc.) and can’t maintain one, so they avoid them or destroy them, but I’m not talking about women who have some sort of emotional instability. I mean normal, healthy women. 1
salty goodness Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 well i'm certainly single by choice and never really had any desire to marry, mostly because i don't want children. my last serious relationship ended because he thought he would change my mind about having children when right from the start i was upfront and honest about not wanting them. i'm also one of those individuals who does very well on their own, who enjoys being in a relationship with a loving considerate partner, but who is not unhappy or despondent just because i'm single at the moment.
thatone Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) Why do some men say that when a woman is single, it’s her choice? Women don't say this about men. I’m single and it’s definitely not by choice. Unless a woman has decided that she wants to be single and chooses to not get involved in relationships, being single isn’t a choice. There are women who have a fear of being in a relationship (abandonment/ intimacy/trust issues, etc.) and can’t maintain one, so they avoid them or destroy them, but I’m not talking about women who have some sort of emotional instability. I mean normal, healthy women. so you're saying that unless you decide, it isn't a choice? think about what you just wrote, it makes no sense whatsoever. some sort of emotional instability, as if that's a rare thing? if you could be a man for six months you would realize that is not a minority of single women. everything you do is by choice. try accepting your choices, rather than blaming something or someone else for the situations you wind up in (which is....emotionally unstable, now that you mention it....) Edited May 22, 2011 by thatone
Author iris219 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 so you're saying that unless you decide, it isn't a choice? think about what you just wrote, it makes no sense whatsoever. some sort of emotional instability, as if that's a rare thing? if you could be a man for six months you would realize that is not a minority of single women. everything you do is by choice. try accepting your choices, rather than blaming something or someone else for the situations you wind up in (which is....emotionally unstable, now that you mention it....) So you're saying that even though I would love to be in a relationship, but can't find anyone, I've somehow chosen to not meet a compatible man? My choice is to be in a relationship, but I'm not. So, I'm emotionally unstable for believing that finding the right guy is not something I have complete control over? If it was, I'd be married right now.
thatone Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 it is a choice. everything is a choice. you're not comfortable with being in a relationship with someone you don't think is the right person. what's wrong with that? lots of women are in relationships with men that they fight with all of the time because they choose to be in those relationships rather than being alone. so theirs is a choice and yours isn't?
Thedude22 Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Most people are single by choice in my opinion. Most people who are remotely attractive and/or are remotely charming can find a person who would date them exclusively. Trick is finding someone good to do that with. Sure you can date some crater-faced loser that works at mcdonalds to worship your every move, but is that what you really want? In the end most people are constantly searching for someone better even though they could settle for someone worse. This to me is choosing to be single.
thatone Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Most people are single by choice in my opinion. Most people who are remotely attractive and/or are remotely charming can find a person who would date them exclusively. Trick is finding someone good to do that with. Sure you can date some crater-faced loser that works at mcdonalds to worship your every move, but is that what you really want? In the end most people are constantly searching for someone better even though they could settle for someone worse. This to me is choosing to be single. exactly. life is about making choices and living with them, welcome to life. there are lots of answers, some of them are right, some of them are wrong, lots of them are neither right or wrong. but no one is gonna give you those answers, least of all some random man who walks up and says hello out of the blue. you have to choose for yourself.
Author iris219 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 it is a choice. everything is a choice. you're not comfortable with being in a relationship with someone you don't think is the right person. what's wrong with that? lots of women are in relationships with men that they fight with all of the time because they choose to be in those relationships rather than being alone. so theirs is a choice and yours isn't? I don't think the fact that someone compatible has not come into my life has been my choice. (Also, I RARELY meet single men. That hasn't been my choice either. I wish more men my age were single. They're not.)
Wolf18 Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 So you're saying that even though I would love to be in a relationship, but can't find anyone, I've somehow chosen to not meet a compatible man? My choice is to be in a relationship, but I'm not. So, I'm emotionally unstable for believing that finding the right guy is not something I have complete control over? If it was, I'd be married right now. Unless you have some serious physical flaw, like being extremely overweight, chances are the reason you are single is because you decided to pass up on a lot of guys. Most women I know who are single are so by choice, or if not by choice because of their incredible pickiness. Virtually every girl I know whose average looking and up has something romantic going on, and generally 3-4 guys that orbit around her dying to be with her (if she's popular or hot 20-30 guys Lol). For me on the other hand, I don't have even 1 prospect. If I go on internet dating, I will get completely ignored by everyone above, at and below my actual "league", simply due to supply and demand reasons. If I go to the bar, there's atleast 5-6 guys to every 1 girl. Trust me, you have many more resources available to you as a single woman, and if you get desperate for a lay you can get it at the snap of your fingers. Me on the other hand, I've been in a draught 1 year and there is nothing I can do about it.
thatone Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 but it is . those men didn't have randomly perfect women fall in their lap out of the sky. they went out and found them somewhere. so find out where you'd be likely to meet men you'd be interested in, and go there.
Author iris219 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Sure you can date some crater-faced loser that works at mcdonalds to worship your every move, but is that what you really want? In the end most people are constantly searching for someone better even though they could settle for someone worse. This to me is choosing to be single. Yes, that would be a choice I would make, but I've never even had a conversation with a man who works at McDonald's (or fill in the blank with another similar job). I have a feeling an unattractive loser wouldn't want me anymore than I would want him.
Author iris219 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Virtually every girl I know whose average looking and up has something romantic going on, and generally 3-4 guys that orbit around her dying to be with her Really? Not me. And there's nothing wrong with me physically. Do these women keep men they're not interested in around just for the sake of male attention? One of my friends has been single for 8 years and hasn't had any prospects of a man in at least 3 years and she's cute and has a good job, so, no, many single women do not have men sniffing around.
Wolf18 Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Yes, that would be a choice I would make, but I've never even had a conversation with a man who works at McDonald's (or fill in the blank with another similar job). I have a feeling an unattractive loser wouldn't want me anymore than I would want him. Your extreme class prejudice will make you miss out on a lot of golden opportunities. LOL you won't even TALK to someone who works a crappy job? Most men would chat up a decent looking girl working at mcdonalds in a heartbeat, meanwhile the opposite isn't true. What exactly do you do for a living that lets you walk around with this attitude? Did you inherit the British crown? Are you a movie star? I'm sure your attitude has probably gotten you more than one "special order" when you go to Mcdonalds
Author iris219 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Your extreme class prejudice will make you miss out on a lot of golden opportunities. LOL you won't even TALK to someone who works a crappy job? Most men would chat up a decent looking girl working at mcdonalds in a heartbeat, meanwhile the opposite isn't true. What exactly do you do for a living that lets you walk around with this attitude? Did you inherit the British crown? Are you a movie star? I'm sure your attitude has probably gotten you more than one "special order" when you go to Mcdonalds I NEVER said I wouldn't talk to someone with a "crappy" (your words) job. I said I haven't. Actually, in the past, I've had uneducated men not want to talk to me. I don't talk to drug addicts either because I don't meet them where I live and the places I hang out, whereas I have friends in other cities who constantly meet drug users.
somedude81 Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Why do some men say that when a woman is single, it’s her choice? Women don't say this about men. I’m single and it’s definitely not by choice. Unless a woman has decided that she wants to be single and chooses to not get involved in relationships, being single isn’t a choice. For a woman, dating is easier than shooting a fish in a barrel. Heck, the fish shoot and even cook themselves. All a woman has to do is sit down and eat. A very large number of men are not single by choice. Just look at this forum, there are many men who are dying to get in a relationship and for some reason it's just not happening. And no their standards aren't that high. So you're saying that even though I would love to be in a relationship, but can't find anyone, I've somehow chosen to not meet a compatible man? What does compatible mean to you? Have you seriously met no man who is compatible? How many men have approached you this year, not counting bar or club guys since they aren't looking for a relationship. How many guys have you know that were interested in you? I don't think the fact that someone compatible has not come into my life has been my choice. (Also, I RARELY meet single men. That hasn't been my choice either. I wish more men my age were single. They're not.) How old are you? As men get older, the end up getting snagged by the type women who initially rejected them. So there are less available men the older one gets.
Author iris219 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 there are many men who are dying to get in a relationship and for some reason it's just not happening. I’M dying to be on a relationship and for some reason it’s not happening. And as I said, I have a friend who’s in the same boat. She’s actually been single longer and is more desperate to be in a relationship than I am, and she has no prospects whatsoever. How many guys have you know that were interested in you? In the last year? Not many and no one new. Around 3: A friend who said he was separated from his wife and I quickly found out he wasn’t. The cousin of a good friend who I’ve known for 7 years and have never been interested in, but thought I’d give it a try by going on a couple of dates with him (this was a mistake, but I knew it was going to be). I went back to an ex briefly last summer because I had been single for almost 2 years with no prospects. Dating is not easy for single women at all!
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