Some girl Posted April 13, 2004 Posted April 13, 2004 I am a girl, and my best friend (who is also a girl) is in love with me. I am not gay, I like only guys. She told me just a month or so ago, (even though I've suspected for half a year) and we've been kinda putting it off and getting on with our lives. Now I don't feel like we are friends anymore because her feelings get in the way. I can't talk about guys or going out with other guys or she gets mad (she doesn't show it but I know she does). I always catch her describing how much she loves me to her other friends, which I find disgusting after all these years of being friends. I am giving her time to get over me, but I don't think she's trying to. I am not being mean about it, I am just letting her have her space so I don't hurt her. She doesn't seem to be getting over me though. Just getting deeper in love. I can't suggest taking a break or she'll feel hurt and get mad and say stuff like 'well fine then! lets just never talk again!' and leave. I don't know what to do anymore. Nobody understands, and she's so hard to talk to. I don't feel like I should keep on pretending nothing has happened. Thank you.
Vivid_29 Posted April 13, 2004 Posted April 13, 2004 You say that you don't know what to do anymore, but you really haven't done anything. What do you mean by, 'she's so hard to talk to'? Do you mean that she's just hard to talk to in general or did you speak to her about your feelings, regarding her feelings towards you? ~Vivid
ThisGirlNameKD Posted April 13, 2004 Posted April 13, 2004 I'm sure you wish she would accept the fact that you don't feel the same, and everything will be cool between you two, but unfortunately that's not going to happen. If you keep the friendship going and don't voice yourself clearly about what you don't want, she's going to think she has a chance. Just telling her that you like guys is not enough. Let her know that you're not gay, you prefer having relationship with guys, always had always will, not going to change that, and if she can't accept that then you're gonna have to cut ties with him. Let her know you like her as a friend, you don't want anything more than that and if she expect anything more than that, then you have to cut ties with her. Tell her that if she wants you to respect the fact that she's gay, then she has to respect the fact that you're straight and not try to change that or be upset about it.
Some girl Posted April 13, 2004 Posted April 13, 2004 Originally posted by Vivid_29 You say that you don't know what to do anymore, but you really haven't done anything. What do you mean by, 'she's so hard to talk to'? Do you mean that she's just hard to talk to in general or did you speak to her about your feelings, regarding her feelings towards you? ~Vivid Well I have tried to talk to her about it, and whenever I tell her that I am not going to change she gets depressed and cries or leaves and then I feel like I hurt her. So I don't want to say anything more about it, I wish she'd just sit and listen to me. Like I said, I'm not mean about it either. She is hard to talk to in general because of the depression, and leaving things, and on top of that I'm not very good at explaining my feelings, so I meant I don't know how {to go} about getting this to be.. settled. To ThisGirlNameKD, thank you I will try to talk to her again. I know her feelings aren't just going to disappear, and I especially know it's never going to be like it used to be again. I am afraid if I tell her we need to take a break, if she can't accept it, then she will get hurt and mad. However, I guess I need to try.
ThisGirlNameKD Posted April 13, 2004 Posted April 13, 2004 No matter how you try to let her down easy, it's still going to hurt because she's not getting what she wants. That's what all the crying and feeling depress is about. She's doing that because she's not getting what she wants from you, and possibly to play on your emotions to make you feel guilty for not giving her what she wants. If she can't accept the way you feel, then she's really not be all that much of a friend.
Some girl Posted April 15, 2004 Posted April 15, 2004 Thank you, I have talked to her. I'm not quite sure of the understanding we've come to. I am a little confused as to what I do now. Do I just wait for her to "get over" it? Do we just move on with our lives being only friends?
Papillon Posted April 15, 2004 Posted April 15, 2004 I have a question: Why do you find it disgusting that she tells others that she loves you? Do you feel like it's a betrayal, or are you afraid that others might start thinking you're in love with her too, or do you think it's disgusting simply because the whole lesbian thing is distasteful to you? If ANYONE told me they're in love with me, regardless of their gender, I'd be very flattered, but that's just me. One thing you have to understand...this girl is not going to change her feelings towards you. Love is, or at least, should be, unfettered by outside circumstance. She will have to deal with the realities of the situation, on an intellectual level, but that does not mean that her emotions will follow suit. Somehow I think that you are the one who is allowing her feelings for you to get in the way of your friendship, not the other way around.
ThisGirlNameKD Posted April 15, 2004 Posted April 15, 2004 She'll get over it when reality really starts to sink in and she realizes it's not going to happen. Like Papillon touched on, her mind is telling her it's not going to happen, but those romantic emotions are still there. They may always be there even if you do avoid her, but they may eventually subside when she accepts the fact that its not going to happen. At this point in time, things are not going to be the same as they were before, so you can't act like it is the same.
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