Iwanttobehappy Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Please help me. I've done something that will ruin me for the rest of my life. This past Friday, I cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years out of complete randomness. After work, I happen to go out with some people from work, had a little too much to drnk and ended up with a co-worker. Leading up to this, I've been quite depressed for the last year or so, maybe more, Ive had no enjoyment out of doing things in live, no motivation to do simply things like watch movies, go for dinner ... etc. I tried to ignore these symptoms, thinking that maybe Im just becoming more hombodied now that Im getting older (I'm 26 by the way). Then I started thinking that perhaps I feel suffocated or tied down in my relationship. I would have never cheated on him, its something that came on impulse.. dont know why. The person I have been with for 3 years will probably be the best person I will ever meet in my life, I dont think I will find anyone who cares and loves me as much as he did. But something inside of me needed to break free. I'm worried about waking up one morning 5-6 years from now and thinking that I wasted my youth depressed and locked into a relationship... why can I just love this man as much as he loves me, as much as he deserves to be loved? I dont even know why I did it with this person who I dont even give a crap about! This is the reason why I think I cheated. I knew nothing else would break us, neither him, nor I.. and only something as terrible as this would force a decision to be made. I feel likea horrible person, I wish I could go back a couple days when none of this happened. Could it be that deep down maybe I need to find myself, maybe I needed it to end???? As it stands, he is rightfully so, completely and utterly furious with me. He went ahead and texted by entire family, telling them what I did, and Im sure he did the same to his family. I've also been called every single name in the book and was going to go ahead and have his fun too, just like I did. Another concern I have is, how the hell, if we ever get back together, how the hell will I ever be able to show my face around his family AGAIN! I think the fact that he made it so public, really tainted and made it even more diffuclt to possibly get back together. His parent absolutly LOVED me... who knows now. Please help. I need advise. Also, I will be going to get professional help fo rmy inability to make decisions in life, for my impulsivenes, depression and to ultimately find out what I really want in life.. whats really bothering me. I just cant believe I let someone like him walk away.... It's like having gold and throwing it away.
Author Iwanttobehappy Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 I told him face to face what happened the day after. I'm thinking, maybe I can take this time to think of what I really want, maybe Its truly him.. I do love him. It wasn't premeditated, its not like I thought about it before or anything... it just happened out of the blue,... it doesnt excuse my actions. But I just trying to rationalize in my head the true reason behind it all...
Bryanp Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I commend you for telling him immediately. My guess is he probably never would have known so it says a lot that you were honest with him. From what you have written it sounds like this was an exit affair. Something was not right with you and this relationship and this was your way out of the relationship. If you had unprotected sex then you need to get checked. I think therapy is certainly needed for your depression. My guess is that you made this choice and that you new what the consequences would be by telling him. I think down deep you want out of this relationship and this is why you did what you did. Nevertheless it is very hurtful what you did. How would you have felt if the roles were reversed? It was very cruel to your boyfriend of 3 years. You need to move on and seek therapy and also consider to be put on anti-depressants. I wish you luck.
whammy Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 first of all, it didnt just happen. you chose to do it. every kiss, every grab, undoing his belt, taking your shirt off, putting the condom on (did you even use a condom?)...those are all choices... and every second that passed was a chance to stop... but you didnt... you chose not to. you did this... it didnt just happen. and this quote by you " I'm worried about waking up one morning 5-6 years from now and thinking that I wasted my youth depressed and locked into a relationship." what exactly were you missing? the only thing a woman in a committed relationships is missing is f*cking numerous men.... thats it! that is the only difference between you and a single woman. you can do whatever you want except random sex... and if you have a controlling boyfriend or one that doesnt want you to go and stuff then it is up to the woman to set the tone from the beginning. I have never understood a person that spends years with someone... sitting around with a semi-controlling bf or gf and then just blowing up and going on benders and cheating when all they had to do was say that like going out and spending time with their friends from day one. but at the same time, telling your family, his family, and calling you names...your boyfriend sucks. i bet he has always been a douchebag. he is like "see look at me i am great and she is awful" a real man would not have done any of that. i bet he even gets some kind of satisfation out of being the good guy in this situation. what you did was sh*tty but I would take this as an opportunity to get away from a d-bag. i guarantee this guy sucks and you are just one of those girls that think having a bf = self worthiness. either way i think YOU should move on...
Imajerk17 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Well what do you want us to tell you? Your relationship is probably done. Now you can go find yourself....
sanskrit Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 whammy you are profiling this guy with absolutely nothing to back it up on. When people get cheated on they get hurt and act in ways that they normally wouldn't. Calling someone names after you just found out about something like this does not make him a douche bag. It makes him human. Was actually thinking the same thing, and how if it ever happened to me again, I'd let her family know for sure. It's actually a well-documented tactic for those cheated on in some respectable sites. Air it out to get it over faster and make it uncomfortable for the cheater to continue, in his shoes he really has no idea this hasn't been an ongoing thing. OP, good for you for fessing up, that took guts. I sense though, as others say, that you were looking for an out, maybe subconsciously, but looking nonetheless. Sounds like you will get the out you were looking for.
drifter777 Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I think you wanted your relationship to be over and by cheating you made sure to kill it dead. You should think about counseling for your depression, but I have a feeling that just being free of a relationship that deep down you hated is going to be all the medicine you need. You have what you wanted and are single, free and easy again. Enjoy!
jnj express Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 You said you can't make decision---you made a pretty big one------you had yourself, a little EXIT A., in your ONS IMHO---you ain't ready for any real, long term relationship---so maybe you just need to date, and play around, and in the mean-time go to IC, and solve your problems
OldOnTheInside Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 IMO from what you have said, it doesn't really sound like you wanted the relationship to end. More likely is that your depression is causing you to behave erratically. Don't start dating again unless you want a repeat disaster. See a medical professional. Get on some medication. Work on improving yourself. When you are able to control your depression and work out your issues to a managable degree, then start dating again. Note that very few of us LSers are qualified to deal with severely depressed individuals.
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