I'm the dumpee and have told my gf I want to be friends after a month

[wreckedhero]

I dont really want to be friends but something tells me she won't contact me ever without contacting her. I have contacted her 5 times since the split and have come across nasty, pathetic and immature so in order to rectify that and have any chance of ever getting her back I apologised and said I wanted to be friends. I also told her I missed her and that I hope she finds happiness with someone but that person should have been me. I think we were both at fault for the relationship ending as I was also the dumper on one occasion. I had had enough of her being nasty and downright cold to me, which may explain but not excuse my reaction for the first 3 weeks of the breakup. Anyway the contact has only been via text, I have not actually spoken to her. What I need is advice on how to get her back as I asked her whether or not she ever saw us getting back together and she said she honestly did not know. I also told her that if she get's into a relationship or starts seeing someone else that I do not want to know. How do I get her back? No contact including texts starting now? And do you see this relationship ever starting up again? We have a concert booked for next month and she said she did not want to go with me as she did not want to give me the wrong impression but yet she still wants to be friends? I know I probably sound desperate so how do I stop this image crawling into her head. It has to be said that I am the only one instigating the conversations via text apart from her wishing me happy birthday. A month is not a lot of time to give her to miss me is it. Advice needed please.

[wreckedhero]

I want the cold hearted truth

[homebrew]

I dont really want to be friends

 

You have to be true to yourself! She doesn't even want to be friends with you anyway.

 

but something tells me she won't contact me ever without contacting her.

 

You are correct! She is going to stop you from contacting her in the very near future anyway.

 

So you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

I have contacted her 5 times since the split and have come across nasty, pathetic and immature

 

The fact that you are willing to be her friend when she knows you want more makes you look even more pathetic and immature.

 

so in order to rectify that and have any chance of ever getting her back I apologised and said I wanted to be friends.

 

You do not have to rectify crap! She dumped you... so you don't owe her anything!

 

You are doing everything possible to not get her back.

 

I also told her I missed her and that I hope she finds happiness with someone but that person should have been me.

 

She already knows that you miss her.

 

Aren't you nice... You are telling her you want her to be happy. Fact is, she is going to do that without your permission or not.

 

Then you proceed to tell her to date other people because she will never be happy with you.

 

What I need is advice on how to get her back

 

1. Respect her decision that the two of you broke up.

2. No Contact until she contacts you to tell you she wants you back.

3. In the meantime, move on.

 

I asked her whether or not she ever saw us getting back together and she said she honestly did not know.

 

This is more of the pathetic and immature type questions that will push her away even further.

 

I also told her that if she get's into a relationship or starts seeing someone else that I do not want to know.

 

Again... telling her to go be with someone else other than you. She wasn't going to tell you if she is seeing someone anyway.

 

How do I get her back? No contact including texts starting now? And do you see this relationship ever starting up again?

 

See above and follow the advice you are given. If you keep up what you are doing... No this will never start up again.

 

We have a concert booked for next month and she said she did not want to go with me as she did not want to give me the wrong impression but yet she still wants to be friends?

 

She is not going to the concert and she has no interest in being your friend. She just said that to be "nice".

 

I know I probably sound desperate so how do I stop this image crawling into her head.

 

Yes, you sound desperate... You are putting a bad taste in her mouth.

 

No Contact will fix all of this. Spend some time reading on the forums and you will learn what to do (which is nothing but focus on yourself) and move on.

 

If it is meant to be, she will come back. You can't do anything but make matter worse.

 

It has to be said that I am the only one instigating the conversations via text apart from her wishing me happy birthday.

 

She dumped you... this should not come as a surprise. If she wanted to converse with you... she wouldn't have broken up in the first place.

 

A month is not a lot of time to give her to miss me is it. Advice needed please.

 

You are just getting started... You are looking 6 months or more for her to even be open or consider a second chance with you.

 

There is also a possibility that it is over for good. That is why you have to make this about you and start the moving on process!

[wreckedhero]

Thanks No Contact starts now. What happens if she texts me though?

[smudge21]

It all depends on what she texts with. If it's something basic saying she misses you, then imo reply back with same but keep it simple. If she starts sending random stuff then don't reply. You have to use judgement.

 

Also, as much as you want to be her friend just ask yourself if you honestly could handle that. Could you really handle her treating you like a friend, telling you about her life, telling you about a new guy she's met, telling you about how they're going away together or living together. I know I couldn't.

[homebrew]

I totally disagree with smudge...

 

You are in not place or condition to communicate with your Ex. All you are going to do is make it worse.

 

So go NC until you get your confidence and "mojo" back... This is going to take a long while. Ignore anything you get from her unless she says... I WANT YOU BACK or I WANT TO MEET WITH YOU AND DISCUSS US GETTING BACK TOGETHER.

 

For the record...

 

If I got a "I miss you" text from my Ex... and I did respond. My response would be "I Know".

 

It's a lot more effective than responding with "I Miss You Too" to someone that dumped you...