Is she worth it, I have feelings for her

[ConfusedGuy28]

I'm going to try and be complete, yet brief. I can be wordy, so I apologize in advance! (we are both adults in our mid to late 20s)

 

Hooked up with my sister's best friend (or ex bff, whatever). Had a fun night - she was in town visiting for the day. We exchanged numbers. I called her and asked her to come into town again, on me. I flew her into town and we spent the next 4 days together.

 

The week before she came we had been talking about getting together and starting something up. She was sort of seeing somebody (started as an online thing - he came to visit - didn't know the latter part - thought it was just an AIM type bs thing).

 

Anyways - she says she's not read for a relationship, yet wants to be on the track of making one with me. She has a history of cheating on her bf's, but tried to assure me that she wanted to be different and didn't want to hurt me (since we've known each other for over 16 years, etc). Said that in general, when she has "cheated" in the past it was to move from one guy to the next - usually the relationship had run its course and she jumped ship.

 

Well - a lot of things happened when she went back home that upset. She's not great at consoling me has taken a "me" first approach, even with her mom. So its hard to tell if she's being dishonest/deceitful with me. We got into a fight - I flew out to see her unannounced - she took 6 hours to meet me - said it was inappropriate of me to come out to see her unannounced and that I scared her - and she broke up with me after talking to me for 15 minutes (and nearly 1300 dollars down the drain on my end). (my intentions were to apologize and have a nice couple of days with her - take her out to dinner, etc)

 

We have technically been broken up for nearly 2 weeks now. A couple of days ago she moved back into town (she had been living on the opposite end of the country). I told her I didn't know why we were still talking and that I couldn't just be a friend to her - not after knowing her for this long and becoming intimate with her. She seemed upset and asked why did I bother to ask to work things out, etc. I asked her if there was something to work out - and she said "I dont know what to make of us. i have a lot of fun when I'm with you. I know that. I just don't know what any of this means." She then said that now that our families know we were involved and broke up - my family doesn't really like her now, hers doesn't like me much - that it's important to her to fix that relationship.

 

We agreed to talk tomorrow over coffee and try and work things out.

---------------

I apologize for the length of this - there's a TON more I could write and I really tried to shorten it (I'm wordy by nature as well).

 

There's more I can provide if needed. Just wondering if I could get some thoughts/feedback. I'll make a 2nd post of things I have been thinking about

[ConfusedGuy28]

I do have some concerns over several things:

 

1)Concerned about a few things as you'll read below. When we talk tomorrow - should I first try to establish "what" we are, and then bring up these topics, or topics first?

 

2) After we broke up I started texting her to ask her why she ended things with me and if she had been seeing someone else. We were arguing and not talking on the phone...she basically said "I don't owe you anything, stop prying" - and we didn't talk for 3 days. The "stop prying" makes me think she became involved with someone and that's the real reason she ended things with me

 

3) Now that she's back into town - I'm concerned she's only willing to work things out with me because I'm available. Like she'll just get with me to use me as a bridge to the next guy she'll meet within the next couple of months.

 

4) The thing about our families disliking each of us. My parents have supported her (financially) in the past; I may be a little cynical about her, but I'm wondering if she just wants to create a friendship so she has my parents if ever needed (even my sister whom I talked to about this wondered this same question)

 

5) I understand she has a history of cheating. I am willing to look past that. However, I feel like I need her to show she cares about me - instead of just saying the words. An example being I was upset about something one night and she didn't get back to me until 3 days later, because she was "partying with friends" over the weekend. She also rarely ever talks to me on weekends because she likes to "hang with friends" on that time. Granted, she was in another state....I guess we'll see on this latter part

[CambridgeGirl]

Wow, what a total selfish player you have described (and spent a lot of money on). it seems like maybe you rushed into a full on romantic chasing game after you got intimate when frankly she was happy to leave it as a bit of fun. Turning up unannounced to a girl who is clearly wanting the freedom to date openly will only anger her, it would unnerve a lot of people who have barely dated, regardless if family friends for a long time. This would seem quite intense after so little commitment?

 

I think the simple things, like the fact she has a history of cheating, ignored texts for three days, was happy to not fix the friendship until she had to live locally again, really are all the hints you need. This girl sounds like a player who doesn't care about you, I would snap out of it, keep your money in the bank from now on and spend it on a girl who wants and deserves to be with you.

[thatone]

 

2) After we broke up I started texting her to ask her why she ended things with me and if she had been seeing someone else. We were arguing and not talking on the phone...she basically said "I don't owe you anything, stop prying" - and we didn't talk for 3 days. The "stop prying" makes me think she became involved with someone and that's the real reason she ended things with me

 

3) Now that she's back into town - I'm concerned she's only willing to work things out with me because I'm available. Like she'll just get with me to use me as a bridge to the next guy she'll meet within the next couple of months.

 

5) I understand she has a history of cheating. I am willing to look past that. However, I feel like I need her to show she cares about me - instead of just saying the words. An example being I was upset about something one night and she didn't get back to me until 3 days later, because she was "partying with friends" over the weekend. She also rarely ever talks to me on weekends because she likes to "hang with friends" on that time. Granted, she was in another state....I guess we'll see on this latter part

 

you answered your own questions. you know who she is. she isn't gonna change, the first time something comes along that upsets her she's gonna have someone else to turn to.

[ConfusedGuy28]

I'm going to go to see if by some miracle she's able to put a lot of things to rest - but I'm not banking on anything.

 

She did text me to apologize a couple of days ago for snapping on me for "prying." She said she was upset and hurt that I was getting tested (I brought it up during an arugment - so she took it as me calling her a huge whore).

 

Yeah flying out there was a bit "much" - i know that. But I wanted to see how she felt about me. We got into an argument - so I went out there to make a big gesture to apologize and fix things.

 

She pulled a # on me - which hurts, because me and my family have known her for such a long time, and have helped her out of so many problems. For 2 weeks she was telling me how she see's something real with me, could see a future with me, has "fallen" for me, etc.

 

Then she just totally withdrew from me emotionally. Granted - she is divorced now going on 8 months and has been in 2 relationships (myself not included) in these 8 months. She said she wanted to take things slow and develop something real and not rush into things with me. Which was fine with me - but I needed her to reassure and sort of prove to me in a way that she was serious and only wanted to be with me. She would say the words - but her actions didn't support it.

 

My sister was the same way with her now current bf (just hit 1 year) - but my sister doesn't have a history of cheating. Besides that - their actions (my sis to her bf, this girl to me) are sort of similar.

[thatone]

that's why some of my most often spoken words, unfortunately, are "tell me i'm not wasting my time here".

that's really all you can do. tell her what you think, offer her what you want, and end it with "tell me i'm not wasting my time here". she can say yes, or no, you'll get one or the other.

[ConfusedGuy28]

We met earlier for 3 hours. We were going to meet tonight, but my sister was coming back and we were supposed to go see Pirates, so I told this girl I'd rather meet her now (mid afternoon). She said she was about to take a nap, and I said I'd rather get coffee and talk now. She got ready and went to meet me.

 

She got in my car and we drove to another place because the coffee place was packed. She's broke right now (just moved, looking to start a new job) and refused to let me buy her coffee - saying that "I don't need to pay for things for her." So I respected that and got my coffee. We ended up going back into the car to talk because there was no where to sit at the new place anyways.

 

We had a good talk - I felt good after the talk. She apologized for endings things the way she did. She apologized that I was hurt afterwards. She was hurt by the way I was talking to her during our split (as was I). She apologized again. She said she was talking to me for a reason during the split and still wanted to be with me - but felt I was rushing her by going to visit, etc and she needed space. She said that she feels we got physical too fast and that created a lot of feelings that shouldn't be there so soon. She asked to "start over" - to which I replied I don't see it as starting over, but as fixing a fight and moving past it. She agreed, but still wanted to take things slow and have some space.

 

I asked her to define what we are. She said she enjoys my company, likes spending time with me, and wants to build something with me. She said the last guy she was with, it took 7 months for her to say "we're in a relationship" - and that was with him asking every so often what they were. I told her (and I do mean it) that I don't care what we are "defined as" as long as we're on the same path together moving forward, and that its only her and I on the path and we're not involved with other people. She nodded her head repeatedly agreeing with what I was saying. I asked her if she could actually say the words for my own sake, and she did, lol.

 

She told me that I spend a lot of time analyzing everything about her and asked me to chill in that regard. She said "look, I only want to be with you. i'm not looking to be involved with anyone else. stop over-thinking everything. it's sabotaging what we have. you can ask me about whatever if you're uncomfortable, and i'll answer you - but stop 2nd guessing everything we talk about"

 

I told her I wanted her to spend the night with me - not in an intimate way - but to re-connect, talk, and go to sleep next to each other. She looked at me with a smile and said "I want to take things slow ok? That's not really slow :)"

 

So I was cool with all of that.

-------

But, again, something else popped up. When she first got in the car with me, she told me she went to a party last night. She said "I was close to my house so I drove back, a little drunk maybe, and I was swirving a couple times and he was like "woah, slow down, be careful."

 

Then we had our big convo described above.

 

Somewhere near the end of our talk - I asked her if she was with anyone during our break. She said "no, I was sad about us. I missed you. I haven't been with anyone since you." I asked her who the guy was that she brought back to her house, drunk. She said "Oh, Mikey? That's my home boy. Me and Mikey go way back. Nothing happened. He slept on the couch. We were just hanging out"

 

I was talking to my sister tonight - and when i mentioned his name, she was like "MIKEY? they were used to date (probably btw ages 14-17) for a short time, but they were definitely intimate with each other" (I'm 27, she's 24). Being friends with an ex is one thing, hanging out, whatever - but getting drunk and then bringing him back to your place - that's weird.

 

SOOO.....that makes me feel really uncomfortable that she would be wanting to work something out with me - but bring a guy over to her place she used to be with like that. I talked to her mom on facebook about 3-4 weeks ago (messaged each other) and she told me "look - she has guy friends now who she used to go out with. they don't do anything now in anyway, but I always encouraged her to stay friends with her exes"

 

------

For whatever reason - my intuition about this girl is that she's being honest with me. When I step back and think things over, I start analyzing multiple angles, motives, etc. And when I say intuition - I mean my gut feeling - and not anything governed by emotion, etc. And I'm also aware that she hurt and have kept her at an emotional distance - more so now than before - and I choose not to let her close enough to my "essence" to ever be able to hurt that part of me.

 

So in sum, the talk cleared things up - but then her adding that makes me uncomfortable. And there are two sides to that coin. (a) she told me about having a guy over and who he was to be honest with me and show that I can trust her or (b) she slipped up when she said "he" and covered it up - allowing her to just say "oh he's just a friend" and do whatever

 

BUT - why be amenable to getting back together - only to be with other guys? right? ughhhhhhhhhhhh LOL

 

(REALLY sorry for the length - giving out all the details - to help clear my mind so I can go to sleep, lol, and to get back good advice)

Edited May 23, 2011 by ConfusedGuy28

[whichwayisup]

This girl thrives on drama and it doesn't find her, she goes looking for it. She's a cheater. Many times over. She's selfish. Etc..Etc..Etc..

 

SO, what GOOD qualities does she have?

 

Just because you have feelings for her doesn't mean you two should be together as a couple.

 

It sounds like an unhealthy relationship and she isn't someone 'long term' that you can settle down with, trust to have your back no matter what. Not someone who is "wife" material as she seems quite immature and from what you've said, selfish!

[ConfusedGuy28]

I know, lol. I've thought about this many times over.

 

If she was someone I had just met randomly - I would end this instantly.

 

ONLY because I have known her since she was 8, me 11 - do I feel like I "get" her on some level. She has issues - dealing with depression since she was a kid (doesn't seem depressed now). She was married to a guy she had been with only for a month - he was going into the army - made since financially, wanted to work it out, etc. Half way through she started sleeping with her best friend when she came back home to visit. She was going to leave her husband for him but didn't - the guy was bipolar, lots of issues - and ended up killing himself. She told her husband she was in love with that guy - he found out what they had done - and divorced her. She felt alone - jumped to the next guy she found, etc. This is 8 months since her divorce.

 

I know all of this. This sucks.

 

I'm not putting any effort into this. I'm waiting for her to text me, call me, ask me to do stuff. If a couple days go by and I don't hear anything - I dunno. ****. I understand ALL of this, the likelihood of it all - I really really do.

[sanskrit]

Great advice in thread, can't add much to it other than when they say they want to be with you only and are still partying, drunk and having ex BFs sleep in their house, not a good bet sir, not a good bet at all.

 

I showed up and -surprised- a GF once. She was furiously angry, I felt bad... turns out she had a "date" planned that night with a guy who happened to be a friend of a friend by stark coincidence... we had been "exclusive" for 7 months at her insistence until then. Smoke >> fire. Would bet a dollar when you surprised your girl, something similar was going on, else why so furious?

 

Kids act furious sometimes when they are caught up to no good, defense mechanism.

[ConfusedGuy28]

Very true (the furious part).

 

We were already on a rocky road at that point. She had stated to me she wanted to go slow, and I was sort of pushing the issue. I got drunk and left her a voicemail saying I loved her and she loved me, etc etc. She texted me the next day and said 'we should talk tomorrow'

 

I had made up my mind that I was going to go out there and try to fix things and apologize for the message, etc.

 

When I got there she said "I was partying with friends last night. why are you here? I'm going to be moving there in a week and a half. This is really weird."

 

All that I get......but one thing she said was "what if my roommate was home? she would have been like "who is this guy?" (her roommate is a girl, i've heard her voice over the phone before) - but it was weird that she was concerned about her roommate (she told me a week before i visited that she didn't want me to visit because the internet bf had just visited her like 3 weeks ago and she didn't want to bring "another guy" back to the house so soon - didn't want her friend thinking she was a ho, etc

 

But I KNOW. I would be saying the same things to anyone else in my situation. It makes 100% sense what everyone is saying.

[sanskrit]

When I got there she said "I was partying with friends last night. why are you here? I'm going to be moving there in a week and a half. This is really weird."

 

The above is really all you need to know. Women who have become physically/emotionally involved with someone they have known for many years (not a stranger) just don't react this way if they care about you and want to be with you. Move on, this one is a very bad bet.

[ConfusedGuy28]

Edit: Good qualities

I'm not going to list the standard "oh she's really sweet, caring, loving" bla bla bla - I haven't known her romantically long enough to make that statement

 

(in no particular order)

 

1) She makes me feel good - when we're together, I can talk about insecurities I have, things I worry about in life - and she consoles me. Offers advice. Willing to listen to me.

2) We get along well with each other - yes, we're different, have different interests - but it works for us, for some reason. I like that she's interested in different things, and she likes that about me. We talk about stuff and usually finish each others sentences (nearly all the time - even over random stuff).

3) We're both fans of Buffy (TV Show, not the movie) - silly, but it's just a nice thing to have in common. Same favorite show, kind of a big deal to each of us when we were growing up, etc

4) We have a similar sense of humor. We both quote the same movies. Laugh at the same stuff. Get silly over similar things

 

That's just some things. Others being its nice being with someone who has been in your life for awhile. Physically we're very in-sync with each other.

 

I was talking with my sister's bf tonight - and he said a lot of the same things I'm describing he went through with my sister. The big difference being the history of cheating of course. So where as his biggest concern was whether she was stringing him along, mine is that, plus the question of cheating. Him and I both have very similar personalities, so he gets what i'm going through.

[ConfusedGuy28]

The above is really all you need to know. Women who have become physically/emotionally involved with someone they have known for many years (not a stranger) just don't react this way if they care about you and want to be with you. Move on, this one is a very bad bet.

 

She brought that up with me today, and sincerely apologized for her reaction and for hurting me that way. I believe the apology on this one.

 

The first weekend she visited me she told me she wasn't looking for a relationship right away but wanted to be with me. She broke up with the internet bf. She has told me she wants to do things in her life because she wants to do them, and not for someone else. She said she doesn't want to cheat on me for two reasons - one being she doesn't want to hurt me, and two being that she doesn't want to be "that" person anymore.

[sanskrit]

Ugh, telling you man, if you end up -winning- this sparkly gem, you will be tormented with needless drama the entire relationship. Just from the little you post, her self-aborption rings out to the heavens. For your sake, just sleep with her without any expectations whatsoever. She has basically told you she just wants a casual NSA type thing, give it to her and nothing more, only think otherwise a year or two down the line when she is literally begging you for more. Also start dating other women in addition to this one, that usually sends an instant "stop messing around" message straight into the "I can't play this one like the others" center of the female brain.

[ConfusedGuy28]

Ugh, telling you man, if you end up -winning- this sparkly gem, you will be tormented with needless drama the entire relationship. Just from the little you post, her self-aborption rings out to the heavens. For your sake, just sleep with her without any expectations whatsoever. She has basically told you she just wants a casual NSA type thing, give it to her and nothing more, only think otherwise a year or two down the line when she is literally begging you for more. Also start dating other women in addition to this one, that usually sends an instant "stop messing around" message straight into the "I can't play this one like the others" center of the female brain.

 

I hear you man, I promise I do.

 

I'm not wired to start dating other women - even though I've had 2 offers in the past week (not even for dating - I've had 2 women (sort of friends with I guess) basically say "you've been looking really good lately. sorry you just got out of something, but if u want a space filler and want to grab drinks with me, hit me up, anytime"). We basically got back together today and agreed to be exclusive. If she isn't, that's on her and so be it - but I personally can't go against my own code and lower myself to another person's standards.

 

I have told her that if all she wants is a NSA/FWB thing - that's cool. She has insisted that she does NOT want that with me, emphatically.

Edited May 23, 2011 by ConfusedGuy28

[sanskrit]

OK, maybe it's possible I misinterpreted some of what you posted earlier in the thread.

 

If you stick with this though, the drunken partying out with old BFs without you needs to cease immediately. She is an admitted, habitual cheater, and though this isn't resonating in your head right now as you are in "lurve" it will start rattling around in there before long, causing you needless angst. Any male friends she has, no matter where they are, need to become friends of the relationship immediately or they need to be gone. She should want you to meet all her real male friends, and if she makes noises that she does, yet it never seems to happen for random reasons, those guys need to GO. Can't be too emphatic about this.

[ConfusedGuy28]

OK, maybe it's possible I misinterpreted some of what you posted earlier in the thread.

 

If you stick with this though, the drunken partying out with old BFs without you needs to cease immediately. She is an admitted, habitual cheater, and though this isn't resonating in your head right now as you are in "lurve" it will start rattling around in there before long, causing you needless angst. Any male friends she has, no matter where they are, need to become friends of the relationship immediately or they need to be gone. She should want you to meet all her real male friends, and if she makes noises that she does, yet it never seems to happen for random reasons, those guys need to GO. Can't be too emphatic about this.

 

I completely agree with this, 110%. And the angst has been there - less so now because I am putting a lot of space in between us emotionally and not putting a lot of stock in what she says anymore - words are nice, but actions speak louder.

 

As an fyi - things are somewhat complicated as I'll be going on an out of state rotation for about 6 weeks. We will be seeing each other on weekends (or at least some weekends, or weekdays if she's free, totally another topic, lol)

 

It does bother me that she would go to a party with this guy - as opposed to running into him there. The hugest deal is BRINGING THE GUY BACK TO HER HOUSE. That's weird to me. She assured me they are JUST friends - but to be that close to an EX lover....even if she was just a teenager, is weird.

 

But again - why agree to be exclusive with me, get back with me - if she wants to see other guys. Why not just say "hey, it's over. i just don't think this is gonna work" - why go with it, kiss me, tell me not to worry, etc.

-----

I was giving her an example today that I personally wouldn't want to flirt with other women. She said "well, it's human nature to flirt" - i said "well, there's innocent flirting. some guy says you're pretty, you laugh it off, say you have a bf, etc" vs some guy who says you're pretty, you talk to him more, hit it off, etc. She said if she does flirt - it will be innocent only and that she can't help if it if guys approach her - and i said of course, girls get hit on - but there's a difference between getting hit on and flirting

Edited May 23, 2011 by ConfusedGuy28

[sanskrit]

But again - why agree to be exclusive with me, get back with me - if she wants to see other guys. Why not just say "hey, it's over. i just don't think this is gonna work" - why go with it, kiss me, tell me not to worry, etc.

 

Again, she is an admitted, habitual cheater. Until she proves herself to you over time, you can't accept anything she says as words you can trust. Just remember the old fable of the scorpion and the frog and keep your eyes wide open. You have been letting her call the shots, yet she is the admitted cheater who must prove herself to you, must gain -your- trust by her actions, and so far it seems like you are letting her dictate terms to you when it should be the other way around.

[utterer of lies]

She was never yours, and will never be. Either you understand this now and take the consequences, or later, when everything is even messier, more chaotic and filled with more pain.

[ConfusedGuy28]

Here's the best kicker of them all. I was seriously laughing out and to myself...even in her presence when we got breakfast today.

 

As an fyi - I'm about 4 months away from getting my M.D. - so I'm very knowledgeable about STDs, etc.

 

I got tested last thursday - for everything. Her and I had unprotected sex at least 12-15x, easily. NOT smart on my part - NOT smart - I understood the risk and said "**** it" at the time (whole other topic - no pt in discussing this right now)

 

Anyways - my results came in today. I was NEGATIVE for everything. She went to the clinic today. She texted me and said "yup, just as I thought. Glad you're negative, peace of mind for both of us. I have a womanly infection. Doc said I have a cervical infection and since you're negative, it's most likely bacterial"

 

At this point, I almost died laughing. You cannot seriously attempt to bull**** a DOCTOR. LOL

 

Cervical inflammation is caused by two things: infection process, or noninfectious. Noninfectious, being, for example - cervical radiation to treat cancer. The doc saying it is "bacterial" means it was mucopurulent, etc. So, not viral (which would likely be herpes = vesicular, very easy to ID, etc).

 

So - all infections of the cervix are secondary to STDs. You may read something about some bacteria that isn't - but you never see that. 40-50% are caused by chlamydia, 30-40% caused by gonorrhea, very small % caused by trichomonas. Even smaller are the viruses.

 

I asked her if it was "trich" and she said "nope, it's not trich. She gave me an antibiotic"

 

LOL - so that leaves Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. With her history of cheating - am I really to believe that we had unprotected sex that many times and I never contracted anything......OR.....is it more likely that she had sex with someone (or someones) after she went back - and one of those guys gave her something. DING DING DING!!!! LOL

 

She met up with me for breakfast - and I was cracking up the whole time. I was thinking "what a bitch ass whore liar. seriously going to try and out doctor me? LOL" I was really sleepy, only slept 3-4 hours (she was sleepy too) so I let her direct the convo. she never said "oh I'm happy to see you; do you want to do something later today after i go job hunting" etc

 

She said the following "oh - so my ex husband called me last night. we talked for an hour. it was nice. i hate to say it, but he's perfect. (i was like "ohh, really..zzzzz....that's nice...yawn..." Then kept talking about stupid nonsense like that.

 

Not to mention - I find all this **** all over her facebook page about "oh, thank you arizona for giving me the most amazing guy I've ever met. can't wait to see you again !!!" - really??? LOL. Took pics together, introduced him to her dad, another status was "oh this really handsome bearded man came over today and helped me pack and gave me a tv, i think i'm going to stay an extra day now"

 

****KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

:laugh::D:laugh::lmao:

Edited May 23, 2011 by ConfusedGuy28

[sanskrit]

Oh wow, what good fortune, was beginning to think you were too far gone, but after a certain point, things just become too obvious to ignore.

 

Thank goodness you won't have to deal with the drama this would bring during your residency if you are pursuing that path. And hopefully you have been inoculated to spot such in the future without getting involved to the extent you have.

[ConfusedGuy28]

Just as a casual update:

 

She has borderline personality disorder (think glenn close in fatal attraction).

 

I discovered that she had been involved with this other guy in Arizona, and that brought her and I to a shattering end. We were arguing on the phone, she started crying and said she really needed to see me. Because she has a history of cutting - I didn't want her to fall into that or do something more drastic, so I went to see her.

 

She opened up to me and apologized for dragging me into her mess. She said she isn't ready for relationships and shouldn't be in them (which is typical of borderlines - everything is hot/cold very quickly (splitting)) so it's important she realizes this. She told me how karma is really going to get her for doing this to me. She told me she doesn't know why she lies, cheats, and manipulates people. She does it without even realizing it (apart of borderline).

 

Then things got emotional between us - she started kissing me, I started kissing her, our shirts were coming off, we made it to her bedroom. We stopped before anything else happened realizing it would be really ****ed up and confusing if we proceeded.

 

We laid on her bed for about an hour and just talked. She got up at one point to check on her cats, and I saw her phone go off. I turned, and it was the guy in Arizona (whom she told me they stopped talking when she left). I got up to leave. She came back in, grabbed her phone and said "damn, I missed my mom's phone call again." I turned to her and smiled. Gave her a kiss on her forehead and said "I forgive you. Good luck"

 

--------

She told me she wanted to kill herself on her best friend's grave. She kept bringing up when his 18 month death anniversary was. I sent her mother a message informing her of this - and she said her mom showed her my messages and said "this guy is crazy, you need a restraining order" (another common thing with borderlines - the blame you, i need a restraining order - seen it before). She pulled out every card she could to make me feel like **** and to hit me at my core.

 

I don't know if I'm convinced that her mother actually got the message. All I can do is hope, I guess.

 

If she in fact were to kill herself in that fashion - I don't know how I'd react. This is someone who I've known for 16 years and have cared about for a long while. I truly do forgive her for the lies, cheating, etc and truly want her to get the type of help she really needs.

 

It could just be a hook to keep me "caring" about her - but when someone says "part of the reason why i wanted to move back, is because I wanted to kill myself on his grave" - and then say "yeah, but um, I don't want to do that now"

 

It scares me. Yeah I never should have gone over and tons of things that should and should not have been done. But all that's done now. I'm concerned for her safety and don't know what to do

 

Edit: she is not actively suicidal, I asked.

 

Edit: I'm talking with the suicide prevention lifeline right now

Edited May 26, 2011 by ConfusedGuy28