apple vodka Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 Hi. I just found this forum and wow on just the first page there are tons of topics I'm interested in reading. It's going to take me awhile to get versed in the type of information here, so I hope I'm not doing anything wrong by posting this. I have recently been trying to sort out my feelings about sex. I have a hard time balancing that I feel it's okay to have sex casually with not always wanting to have a casual sexual relationship. I don't easily become emotionally attached at all, so I don't have conditional rules for having sex, but I still think sex complicates things, especially early on, and there are times when it shouldn't come up. (I am a woman, by the way) and I prefer to date casually to allow myself to choose a partner. I feel uncomfortable having to acknowledge that a lot of the time sex comes up when I don't want it to, and sometimes I end up having sex that "just happened." Like a good date that keeps on going, but I didn't necessarily want it to go THAT far. I don't want to have "accidental" sex anymore. So I want to come up with a list of rules for dating where I don't have to subscribe to some moral hard line about sex but still allows me to keep it off the table. So far I have 1. No more than two alcoholic drinks an evening 2. That date ends when the date is over (i.e. no "extension" back to my/your place) Please help... I am struggling with this issue. Your comments and feedback will be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 3. Just say No. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I personally won't give much attention to a woman if she's turning down sex after a third date. Lots of other guys won't either. If your having sex on the 1st or 2nd date then stop. It "just happened" is an excuse women use to justify doing something they really wanted to do while trying to convince themselves their not a slut. I've never been in a situation where sex just "happened". When a woman willingly puts herself in a situation with a man knowing he wants sex then she most likely does want sex. If she says "no" and sex happens that is rape. You sound like you need to stop dating & figure yourself out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author apple vodka Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 What? Wow.... ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author apple vodka Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 3. Just say No. It's cool that you're "proud to be a feminist" and as such it is strangely disappointing that you also missed my point. I suppose I expected a more enlightened view for some reason but I guess people are people regardless of venue. Never mind. I'd edit the original post if I could - I see very quickly that I don't want any advice from you guys, thanks though. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) So I want to come up with a list of rules for dating where I don't have to subscribe to some moral hard line about sex but still allows me to keep it off the table. So far I have 1. No more than two alcoholic drinks an evening 2. That date ends when the date is over (i.e. no "extension" back to my/your place) Please help... I am struggling with this issue. Your comments and feedback will be greatly appreciated. either it's casual or it's not. either you set a list of rules and abide by them or not. do you have to choose one or the other ALL of the time? no, you don't. but what you do have to do is understand that different people see sex differently. some men will be more emotional about it than you are, actually. you can't create a perfect set of ground rules in your own mind that 'always works'. women try to dream up these fantasy scenarios all the time but it's a fruitless endeavor. you can't plan the future. all you can do is tell the person across the table when the situation arises exactly how you feel, and make a decision about it between the two of you. note that i said TELL. not hint, not signal, not suggest, TELL. the only thing you can be sure of with hints and suggestions is that people will misread them. that's part of gender equality, deal with it. sure, women can have casual sex and casual relationships. go right ahead. but that also means that women should tell men when that's what they're after, just as you expect men to do. we can't read your minds. Edited May 22, 2011 by thatone Link to post Share on other sites
bluenightowl Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Hi. I just found this forum and wow on just the first page there are tons of topics I'm interested in reading. It's going to take me awhile to get versed in the type of information here, so I hope I'm not doing anything wrong by posting this. I have recently been trying to sort out my feelings about sex. I have a hard time balancing that I feel it's okay to have sex casually with not always wanting to have a casual sexual relationship. I don't easily become emotionally attached at all, so I don't have conditional rules for having sex, but I still think sex complicates things, especially early on, and there are times when it shouldn't come up. (I am a woman, by the way) and I prefer to date casually to allow myself to choose a partner. I feel uncomfortable having to acknowledge that a lot of the time sex comes up when I don't want it to, and sometimes I end up having sex that "just happened." Like a good date that keeps on going, but I didn't necessarily want it to go THAT far. I don't want to have "accidental" sex anymore. So I want to come up with a list of rules for dating where I don't have to subscribe to some moral hard line about sex but still allows me to keep it off the table. So far I have 1. No more than two alcoholic drinks an evening 2. That date ends when the date is over (i.e. no "extension" back to my/your place) Please help... I am struggling with this issue. Your comments and feedback will be greatly appreciated. I think you are trying to have you cake and eat it too. Someone on here said 'sex is not rational' keep that in mind.. you can create all the rules you want.. ask for all the advice you want.. in a very intellectual way and then very quickly break all those rules.. If you had sex that 'just happened' I'm sorry it didn't just happen.. you were part of it happening... it might mean that you wake pregnant.. with an STD.. or just some fun.. with a guy you don't really like but who fulfilled what you needed at that time.. Sex after dating means.. 1) you are into this guy... and he is into you!! wow sparks .. wonderful. 2) you are.. or he is terribly hurting... "I'm so devastated by my BF/GF cheating on me" 3) I'm not into you at all.. but I am a player (women or man ... these days) but I want to use you for sex. looking at the above.. it seems only 1) is a really good place to be.. and to roll the dice on that one is... rolling the dice... how to play the odds an win.. slow it down.. learn to let go of those who aren't in the same space as you.. there really are so many wonderful people out there. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Never mind. I'd edit the original post if I could - I see very quickly that I don't want any advice from you guys, thanks though. I know what you mean... specially after reading Phineas' post, which... WOW! But yeah, LS is NOT the place to seek this kind of advice, as a lot people here think sex should be saved for relationships and frown upon casual sex. I know what you mean though. It happens to me sometimes, as well, that I don't necessarily want to get physical, but it happens, because I'm drunk or just not thinking straight... I don't think there's a clear solution though. Your 2 new "rules" are what I'd do in your situation and I honestly don't have a better one to give you. Also, sometimes you WILL want it, so you always have the option to go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 So far I have 1. No more than two alcoholic drinks an evening 2. That date ends when the date is over (i.e. no "extension" back to my/your place) Please help... I am struggling with this issue. Your comments and feedback will be greatly appreciated. Why stop what you are doing? Sounds perfectly normal to me. If the guy says have sex or it's over, get rid of him. You don't have to win over the world. You're looking for someone who shares your values, this isn't a popularity election. Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 i think i have been down that road and actually your 2 rules are good enough. it's just difficult to find a guy who won't be expecting sex by the third date. in my experience there are guys who make jokes that can be considered as double entendre, so sometimes i stop them there and make it clear if they meant one thing and not the other...cuz i am not ready yet. it's actually easy to weed out guys who are only after the sex if you go by those boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Dating with sex off the table is just called making friends. And that's easier for some than others. Link to post Share on other sites
smik Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Hi. I just found this forum and wow on just the first page there are tons of topics I'm interested in reading. It's going to take me awhile to get versed in the type of information here, so I hope I'm not doing anything wrong by posting this. I have recently been trying to sort out my feelings about sex. I have a hard time balancing that I feel it's okay to have sex casually with not always wanting to have a casual sexual relationship. I don't easily become emotionally attached at all, so I don't have conditional rules for having sex, but I still think sex complicates things, especially early on, and there are times when it shouldn't come up. (I am a woman, by the way) and I prefer to date casually to allow myself to choose a partner. I feel uncomfortable having to acknowledge that a lot of the time sex comes up when I don't want it to, and sometimes I end up having sex that "just happened." Like a good date that keeps on going, but I didn't necessarily want it to go THAT far. I don't want to have "accidental" sex anymore. So I want to come up with a list of rules for dating where I don't have to subscribe to some moral hard line about sex but still allows me to keep it off the table. So far I have 1. No more than two alcoholic drinks an evening 2. That date ends when the date is over (i.e. no "extension" back to my/your place) Please help... I am struggling with this issue. Your comments and feedback will be greatly appreciated. http://www.mynetpharma.comThis information is very interesting, I really enjoyed, I would like get more information about this, because is very beautiful, thanks for sharing! Generic Viagra//http://www.mynetpharma.com Link to post Share on other sites
nordic Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 tell the guy that you will wait a llooonnggg time before having sex with him. and then date less i guess, since there will be fewer guys who go for that. Link to post Share on other sites
nordic Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 in fact i would probably like to date a girl like that. would be nice to have a girl who is not a slut. but, it sounds like you did the ons thing with guys before, so that would never work with me. question. how do you expect the bf you meet to deal with the fact that you made him work for you, while you gave it up for guys directly before. i would never go for a girl like that. would make you feel like a reformed slut, we dont like that. just an honest opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
OliveOyl Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Dating casually and keeping sex off the table isn't too difficult. Simply start the sex on the bed instead. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Oh snap! That's right. Leave the sluts to us man sluts. Honestly people, a women that's been around the block is sexy as hell! You're missing out because of silly concepts like "purity". Link to post Share on other sites
Chicago_Guy Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Hi. I just found this forum and wow on just the first page there are tons of topics I'm interested in reading. It's going to take me awhile to get versed in the type of information here, so I hope I'm not doing anything wrong by posting this. I have recently been trying to sort out my feelings about sex. I have a hard time balancing that I feel it's okay to have sex casually with not always wanting to have a casual sexual relationship. I don't easily become emotionally attached at all, so I don't have conditional rules for having sex, but I still think sex complicates things, especially early on, and there are times when it shouldn't come up. (I am a woman, by the way) and I prefer to date casually to allow myself to choose a partner. I feel uncomfortable having to acknowledge that a lot of the time sex comes up when I don't want it to, and sometimes I end up having sex that "just happened." Like a good date that keeps on going, but I didn't necessarily want it to go THAT far. I don't want to have "accidental" sex anymore. So I want to come up with a list of rules for dating where I don't have to subscribe to some moral hard line about sex but still allows me to keep it off the table. So far I have 1. No more than two alcoholic drinks an evening 2. That date ends when the date is over (i.e. no "extension" back to my/your place) Please help... I am struggling with this issue. Your comments and feedback will be greatly appreciated. You should also pay for your half of the dates - if you are going to date casually, don't take advantage of the men who might be looking for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Chicago_Guy Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 i think i have been down that road and actually your 2 rules are good enough. it's just difficult to find a guy who won't be expecting sex by the third date. in my experience there are guys who make jokes that can be considered as double entendre, so sometimes i stop them there and make it clear if they meant one thing and not the other...cuz i am not ready yet. it's actually easy to weed out guys who are only after the sex if you go by those boundaries. A lot of guy don't expect sex by the third date, but many women probably think those guys are too "nice" if they aren't pushing for sex right away. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Oh snap! That's right. Leave the sluts to us man sluts. Honestly people, a women that's been around the block is sexy as hell! You're missing out because of silly concepts like "purity". LOL Love it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Yookie Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 In case you're still reading this thread, I would add to the list: * Never do house dates. No home cooked meals and movies on the couch. * Avoid intimate situations like parking in a romantic overlook spot or in the park where he can try to make out with you. * Don't let him escalate affection. Avoid letting him touch you too much or he will try to go further eventually. * Don't tell him that you have no intentions of having sex. Just say you need to get to know him better before you will consider being intimate. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Dating casually and keeping sex off the table isn't too difficult. Simply start the sex on the bed instead. Thank you for the giggle. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Do you pay on dates? If yes then you don't owe anyone anything. Just say 'no' if you don't want to have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
sanskrit Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 OP's gone, wouldn't worry about it too much, who has to "make a list" of how not to have sex on dates? :laugh::rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
nordic Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Oh snap! That's right. Leave the sluts to us man sluts. Honestly people, a women that's been around the block is sexy as hell! You're missing out because of silly concepts like "purity". sex with sluts may be great. one should not miss out on that part. marrying a slut is different deal. are you into that? Link to post Share on other sites
nordic Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 sex with sluts may be great. one should not miss out on that part. marrying a slut is different deal. are you into that? a truly natural slut? god bless them. Link to post Share on other sites
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