inlovewithme Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I started dealing with this guy two months ago, and everything went so fast. We started having sex almost immediately and AFTER we had sex, he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship but he wanted to "hang". I knew what that meant, I've been in the situation before but I fell for him fast so I stayed, not hoping that he would change because I knew he wouldn't but I stayed because I didn't want to go. So we continued hanging out and he always tried to make me feel inadequate, of course NO ONE can make you feel inadequate without your permission but I felt like I wasn't good enough for him. Mind you, this is a divorced man with two children and has been to prison. Me on the other hand, 22, in school, no children...I was the obvious catch but I never made him feel like he was worthless because of his past because I know we all make mistakes. Anyways, we would start to argue every week for something stupid...but the trust was gone. You see, I met him online and on his profile it said he had no children, so he finally admitted that he had children after I slept with him and he tried to convince me that they weren't a major part of his life because he barely sees them, I know I should have left him but I was being stupid and hard headed, he gave me so many signs of who he really was. So we split for a week and I ended up getting weak and calling him, we started hanging out again, one week we were all good and then I didn't hear from him in two weeks!!! During those two weeks, I was LATE and when I told him he was so COLD towards me, so we argued over the phone and he said he can't deal with me because all I do is yell and can never have a conversation like a adult. I eventually told my mom because I was so scared and although she was disappointed in me, she told me that she would take me to the doctor and we would take care of it. I decided to take a pregnancy test and it was positive, I called him again and he ignored my calls so I started sending him text after text. I sent him a photo of the pregnancy test and I sent him threatening text saying that I was going to keep the baby and put him on child support. The next day we met up and he blamed me, said I was crazy and that he would basically go to jail again because he wouldn't be able to afford the child support and theres free food, rent and free sex (with female guards) in prison. He started crying and I still don't understand why but he is good at playing the victim. We agreed to have a abortion and we kinda got back on good terms, it was like a 2 hour conversation. I finally went to the doctor's appointment and everything seem well except I had bacterial vaginosis. So this was all days before my 22nd birthday, he didn't even call to check on me or say Happy Birthday but to make matters worse I lost my baby. It was a horrible time for me, I felt alone and so embarrassed that I got knocked up by a man that didn't even exist. When I told him he didn't even seem to care, all he said was "Didn't mean to stress you." smh, I think he was happy he didn't have to pay for his abortion. So two days after I text him telling him how I felt and all he could say was "calm down" after I spilled my heart to him on how I felt and how even though I was going to kill my baby I was devastated because I felt incapable of having a child so he started ignoring my text and that was when I finally decided to end it...how could someone be so insensitive? I texted him EVERYTHING and how I felt and I knew I wouldn't get a response. So I decided to tell him he CAN'T treat people like ****, he is a ex con/baby daddy, he needs to appreciate GOOD people because most people will avoid him like plague and then I threatened him and told him I was coming to his job and he responded saying I was SO selfish and that his mother was in the hospital about to get her legs amputated because shes diabetic...and I don't know if I believe him because he is a EX CON/thief/liar and hes proven to me that he lies like he breathes and I don't put it past him to tell a vicious lie such as that to make me feel bad. I told him I don't care that I lost a ****ing baby and all he can do is make me feel like I'm not even important. Anyways I ended it that day, and its been a week and some days and I miss who I thought he was but I don't miss him, its hard to know the man who I was first pregnant by didn't even care, I would have been on my own if I kept that poor child but it just showed me that maybe I lost my child for a reason... I just want to know what could possess a person to be so selfish? A little more of his background, he grew up without a father, grew up with a house full of females, moved out of his moms house at 16, joined the army at 18, got married at 18, went to prison for "looting during Hurricane Katrina" at 23, got out at 25 and just a cold, heartless man at 27 that I met and broken my heart.
billion Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Seriously.. what happened to you is really hard but yes, it was life making big sings at you ('don't go there!'.) You did loose your baby for a reason. This relationship was NO GOOD for you neither was it for the baby to come. Also, you can't fix a person like him. Something bad must have happened to him in a young age to behave like he does, go to jail, etc.. This is too complex for a hope that it can be different. You CAN'T expect more from him from what you saw until now. So now, let it go, let it go, let it go completely. Save you're life and learn from that experience. Read books about it, understand it, get some help but don't go back in such relationships.
Author inlovewithme Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Seriously.. what happened to you is really hard but yes, it was life making big sings at you ('don't go there!'.) You did loose your baby for a reason. This relationship was NO GOOD for you neither was it for the baby to come. Also, you can't fix a person like him. Something bad must have happened to him in a young age to behave like he does, go to jail, etc.. This is too complex for a hope that it can be different. You CAN'T expect more from him from what you saw until now. So now, let it go, let it go, let it go completely. Save you're life and learn from that experience. Read books about it, understand it, get some help but don't go back in such relationships. Thank you for the quick response. I know he is seriously damaged and I didn't deserve any of what he put me through. When we started to hang out, he told me that everybody leaves him but he pushes them away. I don't know how much emotional abuse he thought I could take from him.
billion Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 We women think that we can change things, turn them around.. we have faith that the man we 'love'* will change.. but nothing is farther from the truth. I found very interesting your comment here: ''When we started to hang out, he told me that everybody leaves him but he pushes them away''. The very next time (hope there won't be, but if..) a man tells you something like this, run in the opposite direction. This is no lie. If it happened to others, it will happen again, UNLESS a guy tells you he is really working on his problems through therapy for example. Men like this give a lot of signs that you are entering a toxic relationship. You have to not minimize those signs.. because you are 'in love'. *Talking of being attracted to those kind of guys.. please be aware that something in YOUR history also can make you attracted to those kind of unavailable and unappropriate men. If you see a pattern occuring in your love life and seem to always come back with the same kind of guys.. pause, get a therapist to help you and find what is keeping you out of good relationships and keeping you attracted to bad relationships.
Recommended Posts