GirlnamedAngel Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Quick background: My boyfriend and I bought a motorcycle last month. He had an accident with it three weeks ago. His fault- he was injured but not badly- then the other day (Sunday) he had an argument with me (jealousy issues regarding the fact that I was married once before) and he drove off angry on the motorcycle- crashed (tipped the bike on it's side) and broke his collar bone. He blames me for the accident. Keeps saying it's my fault because he didn't want to talk about our relationship that day and I upset him so he wrecked. I disagree. He had already had one accident thus proving his inexperience/wrecklessness. On top of that... I've been waiting on him hand and foot ... he constantly needs something... keeps me running ALL DAY and asks me to do everything because he is hurt... no big deal... BUT the other night I fell down the stairs at his house walking his dog and broke my foot in two places ... it's pretty bad... I am on crutches and in pain. He ended up having last minute surgery on his collar bone yesterday and now acts like he is on his death bed... constantly rude and demanding despite the fact that I've bent over backwards to be there for him ... He says I am not doing enough, but I do EVERYTHING... even the stuff I perceive him as being able to do like walk across the house for something. The fact that I broke my foot is like a non issue to him. Final straw.... Today he wanted some special juice from the store... even though I broke my foot the night before last I drove to the store and walked around and got the juice for him I thought I got the right thing but I was mistaken and it wasn't exactly what he wanted. He got extremely irate and mean and yelled at me about how I never think about what is important to him. I really hurt myself and delayed my own healing by going to walk around the store like that. Keep in mind I've been doing everything... Even walking his dog and cleaning up it's "messes" outside... he has about 20 stairs to walk down to get outside and I am going up and down them to walk his dog several times a day.... I really have tried to be there for him but he accuses me of not caring and it really hurts so much. Today he hurt my feelings so badly that I cried and left. I feel bad leaving him a day after his surgery but I really feel like he is being extremely unappreciative and unfair. Am I being mean here? Who is right? Side note the motorcycle he wrecked cost 3600 dollars and I payed for all of it so I am out that money as well.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 OMG, your BF is a total d1nk! You are SO not in the wrong. 1. He's immature and a toad for blaming you (or anyone!) for having a wreck. I'm assuming he's an adult so he should know better than to take off driving when angry. That was HIS choice to do that. Sounds like a child having a temper tantrum. Do not feel one ounce of guilt about his wreck. That's totally on him. 2. Because we've already established that you are in no way responsible one bit for his wreck, it stands to reason that you don't "owe him" your free nursing services or to be his slave. It would be different if he actually appreciated your help but he doesn't.....he's a total pr*ck and he has major entitlement issues. I'm sure he is in pain but he doesn't have a piano tied to his as$ nor is he in a body cast. Does he expect you to wipe his bum too? What a child. 3. Add to that, you broke your foot in 2 places, should be taking it easy, are no doubt in pain......and he's completely unsympathetic to your situation; which occurred because you were playing slave to him. A decent guy would have truly felt awful that you fell and broke your foot while taking care of his dog. Apparently not this guy. 4. He has the audacity to expect you to run out and by his special/favorite juice. Are you the waitress? What a loser. Then when you unfortunately get the wrong kind he berates you and verbally attacks/abuses you. I don't blame you for leaving and if I was you, I would take care of YOURSELF and let him fend for himself. Boohoo. He's treated you with utter disrespect and you should not stand for that, not one bit. 5. How convenient that YOU Paid for this bike. Now how exactly did that work that you paid for it? Do you 2 live together? Whose bike was this supposed to be? Was it bought for him? How did that all come to be? Hopefully it was insured but in whose name? He should feel like a total sh*t for wrecking a bike that you paid for, within a few weeks of having it. What a knob. If he contacts you whining and sniveling that he needs help, tell him to get out the yellow pages and look up nursing services, or to call his family or friends.......you will not be treated like his slave, you've got your own injury to deal with and he's taken great advantage of your kindness and generosity. How old is this putz by the way? How old are you? How long have you been together? Does he have family or friends that can help him? (not that it's your concern if he doesn't).
Author GirlnamedAngel Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Lady, He is 34 and I am 32. We've been dating for 14 months. He seems to go in cycles of being super great and then being an utter jerk- sometimes the things he complains about make him sound so incredibly immature and selfish that it amazes me he can say it with a straight face... I am attracted to the fact that he is a Christian like I am but I really don't feel like he is treating me like a Christian man would treat his future wife. And if this is how he'd treat me then I feel like I should run! It's hard though to find someone who shares your values and faith. As for the motorcycle. I bought it for us both to use. We're both on title and it was insured with a 500 dollar deductible. After his second accident I told him I was selling the bike so hopefully after it's fixed I'll get my money back but really ... who knows? Thank you for your response. I felt like I was in the twilight zone today when he was yelling at me for getting the wrong juice... I tried to defend myself and tell him I was in pain and that I wanted him to appreciate that I tried at least. He just kept yelling over me that I always do what isn't important to him and never listen to what is important. I feel hurt and betrayed and the saddest part is that I have a history of staying with jerks A LOT longer than I should
ladyinlimbo Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 No, you are absolutely correct -- he is not treating you like a Christian man would, not in the least. What would Jesus do? :-) Be very careful here. There are Christian men who twist scriptures around to suit them.......to the point where they expect their wife to be their slave, do nothing but be barefoot and pregnant, waiting on them hand and foot, isolating the woman and making her feel that she must have no opinions or input into everything because he "is the man of the household." And to remind you, Christians can be abusive toads, too. Nobody is perfect, no matter what faith/religion. The way he's treated you, based on your account, is very abusive. It is not in any way a demonstration of love or respect or what Christianity is about. Convenient, still, that the bike was for both of you but YOU Paid for it. Where was his half of the $$$? Yes, it's tough to find a good Christian guy......but that does not mean that you should settle for abuse all because he claims to be a Christian. God wants/expects better for you, don't you think? Don't let the the title "Christian" keep you sticking around when someone is treating you with blatant disrespect. Sounds like he's been abusive like this to you on many occasions in the past. Right? If you've found yourself remaining in bad relationships in the past, where you stuck around longer than you should have, it might be a really good idea to find a therapist or counselor and begin the journey to find out why you do......and how you can begin to form and maintain boundaries.
AngelDollFace Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) Jerk jerk jerk jerk jerk Edited May 22, 2011 by AngelDollFace Telling how it is
Author GirlnamedAngel Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Who said anything about "needing" to be right? I said that I felt bad for leaving the day after his surgery. I wondered if I should feel bad or if it all sounds as bad as it feels to me.
USCGAviator Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I think Its time for both of you to take a safety stand down. There seems to be alot of pain and breaking of things with both of you.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Him blaming you for being a poor driver is idiotic. Pure and simple; none of this is your fault. Your boyfriend is in the wrong, and will eventually kill himself on that bike.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I bought a motorcycle last month. Who is right? Side note the motorcycle he wrecked cost 3600 dollars and I payed for all of it You are wrong for the reasons you cite above. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand it is looking quite like you will be wrong again, significantly, and very soon too.
Jynxx Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 It's obvious the relationship doesn't work, as you 2 don't seem to respect or like eachother. Being right or wrong here is irrelevant (though if I had to pick one I think you're right), try to fix it or get out, don't waste each others time living like this.
Lucky_One Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I am attracted to the fact that he is a Christian like I am but I really don't feel like he is treating me like a Christian man would treat his future wife. As for the motorcycle. I bought it for us both to use. We're both on title and it was insured with a 500 dollar deductible. After his second accident I told him I was selling the bike so hopefully after it's fixed I'll get my money back but really ... who knows? You put both of your names on the title even though you paid for the entire bike? I hope he signs the title so you can sell it. He legally owns half of it, and he can demand that the buyer give him half of the money, or he can refuse to sign the title. (Does he even have a motorcycle license?? Two wrecks in four weeks??) If this is a Christian man, then I would prefer to date atheists. Run. Far, far away.
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