minorsecond Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 So last Wednesday, I went to a local bar with some friends to have a beer. At one point, they all started saying "Hey, that girl is looking at you!" I turned and sure enough, there was a girl playing bean bags and I noticed her looking my way every once in a while. She ended up standing next to me, still playing the game. So, when her game ended, my friend and I started talking to her. I'm the pretty shy type so when it came time to leave, he said the ol' classic "Hey, we need your number but my phone is dead, so give it to minorsecond." I text her the next day to make sure she remembers me, then called her yesterday to see if she'd like to get together, but she's going to NYC for the week. Then we had a text convo... I'm just not sure on how I'm doing and what I should do next. I've never actually met a random girl at a bar like this so I don't know how to swing it! minorsecond - "Sorry for rushing off the phone. I think we're going back to the bar tomorrow. I'd hate to get attacked without crickets again without someone there to watch my back!" Her - "Uh oh, you might not make it out alive.. I'm going there tonight so I'll make sure they're all gone!" minorsecond - "I'm counting on it pal. Anyway, let me know if you'd like to join us." Her - "Well, my flight leaves at 1 tomorrow so...yeah." minorsecond - "Haha cool. Well, enjoy your trip!" Her - "Thanks! I'm sure I'll be back there as soon as I get back ;)" minorsecond - "Well then, you'd better hit me up. I know that you're just intimidated by my coolness, haha! Who knows.. if you're lucky, I might let you be my friend :)" Her - "Hahaha sooo intimidated.. ;)"
Jynxx Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 You should ve called her instead of texted her for the first one. Other than that, don't give the initiative away so often ("let me know", "hit me up"). It puts you in an uncomfortable spot if she doesn't contact you, makes you look needy if you contact her when you told her she should contact you etc. But don't worry, you haven't butchered anything so far. Try to meet in person again asap and things will be fine.
Author minorsecond Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 So, do I just wait until she gets back (I dunno when this is) and see if she contacts me? Should I forget the bit she said about going back to the bar when she's back and just call her sometime mid-week and see if she wants to do something when she returns? I was told by a friend that I"d better talk to her a little while she's gone or she could lose interest, but I don't feel like we have enough to talk about yet.
Yamaha Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 if you're lucky, I might let you be my friend This was dumb. Why do guys suggest friendship to a girl when it is the farthest thing in their minds? Start flirting, unless you really want her as- just a friend.
Author minorsecond Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 It was just playing around. I'm pretty sure she realizes that I want otherwise. Also, I've only gotten to see her in person the one time (Wednesday). I'll have to wait a week before I can really flirt with her. Until then it's just phone/text, which is difficult because I don't have much to say to her since we haven't really talked since that night.
ASG Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I think you're doing really well. The text thing was flirtatious while funny, which I think is very appropriate (personally I don't like it when guys are overly serious with their flirting, if we've just met). Give it a week and call her, asking about her trip and if she's back yet and whether she'd like to join you at the bar. I'd say don't call her during the week, as it may seem needy. I'm not sure I would like that if I were her.
Author minorsecond Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Thanks, ASG! That's kind of what I was thinking. I don't have enough repertoire with her to really talk during the week. My friend thinks it would be bad if I don't chat with her during the week, but I agree with you in that it could look pretty needy. Plus, it would leave a lot to alk about when/if we do meet up after she returns.
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Is she hot? I'm in New York and can take care of her for you while she's here.
Author minorsecond Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Is she hot? I'm in New York and can take care of her for you while she's here. She's pretty cute!
Author minorsecond Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 Alright, so I had a little text conversation with her at work yesterday and after some joking with her, told her "In all seriousness though, you seem cool and I want to get to know you better." I just wanted to let my intentions be known this time around. She replied "Sounds good to me." So, I don't know how she took it. I don't know if she realized that I was implying "...as more than friends." I don't know if she knew what I meant and didn't like it, or anything. Dangit! Haha. On top of that, I don't know if she's still up for meeting up when she gets back. The other day, he said that she'll probably go back to that bar when she's back in town but yesterday when I asked her when she'll be hitting it up exactly, she never really answered the question. So, I don't know what's going on. I still don't really know how to handle the situation.
Cee Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 When she's back in town, call her and ask on a proper date. Seriously, I mean that. Asking when she'll be back at the bar isn't the way to do it. I know from real life experience. I was a girl in a bar and he called me on the phone and asked me out. Personally, I'm impressed by the direct approach.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I think you're doing really well. The text thing was flirtatious while funny, which I think is very appropriate (personally I don't like it when guys are overly serious with their flirting, if we've just met). Give it a week and call her, asking about her trip and if she's back yet and whether she'd like to join you at the bar. I'd say don't call her during the week, as it may seem needy. I'm not sure I would like that if I were her. What do you mean by overly serious with their flirting? I've never heard of that. I always thought flirting of any nature was supposed to be fun.
Romeofud Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Alright, so I had a little text conversation with her at work yesterday and after some joking with her, told her "In all seriousness though, you seem cool and I want to get to know you better." I just wanted to let my intentions be known this time around. She replied "Sounds good to me." So, I don't know how she took it. I don't know if she realized that I was implying "...as more than friends." I don't know if she knew what I meant and didn't like it, or anything. Dangit! Haha. On top of that, I don't know if she's still up for meeting up when she gets back. The other day, he said that she'll probably go back to that bar when she's back in town but yesterday when I asked her when she'll be hitting it up exactly, she never really answered the question. So, I don't know what's going on. I still don't really know how to handle the situation. OP, why so hung on the broad? If u meet her again by chance then u can pick things up & make a move. If not, let it alone, tons of other chicks out there for u. Just gotta get out & enjoy the mating season .
surfrider4284 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I didn't backread, so this may have been mentioned, but.. don't call a girl you may want to get with "pal". bad move.
Author minorsecond Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 OP, why so hung on the broad? If u meet her again by chance then u can pick things up & make a move. If not, let it alone, tons of other chicks out there for u. Just gotta get out & enjoy the mating season . I dunno really, haha. I've just messed up with the last three girls I've met and don't want to go through it again really. I think I'm starting to feel an "I don't really give a damn what the outcome is" mentality coming on.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I dunno really, haha. I've just messed up with the last three girls I've met and don't want to go through it again really. I think I'm starting to feel an "I don't really give a damn what the outcome is" mentality coming on. Messed up how? I doubt it was any of your fault, given how women here in America ARE today .
Author minorsecond Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 Messed up how? I doubt it was any of your fault, given how women here in America ARE today . Well they were apparently all interested in me, but I waited too long to make a move. I'm just having a hard time lately because I always get my hopes up and then get let down. I'm trying to not get my hopes up with this latest interest, but it seems I already have. What if she doesn't let me know when she's headed to the bar? If she does tell me, and it's at the last minute am I supposed to drop what I'm doing to go hang with her? Or, since it's last minute, do I tell her that I'm busy and ask for a rain check? I now realize why I shouldn't have given her the power of letting me know when she's in town and when we can meet up.
sanskrit Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Stop all texting with this one and all others going forward. Instead, once you get their number, call and ask for a date. Try to spend 99% of your time with a woman getting to know her face to face, and 1% of your time texting, Email and phone. After you've had 3-5 dates, you can call on the phone, but just a little. Keep the dynamic simple, don't tell her you want to get to know her better, show her by continuing to ask her out once a week, then twice a week, and by your honest, respectful physical sexual interest in her. After a month or two when she starts complaining that you never call and send her texts, tell her you are "action" not "talk" oriented, but in all likelihood, if things go this far, she will start calling you long before this becomes an issue. Let them talk and text to their GFs and all the wormy guys in the world, be different and keep yourself sane at the same time.
lapse Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I am lending my support to the anti-texters. Texting is a wuss way to start things. It's way too easy for either party to avoid being direct. It comes equipped with endless potential for uncertainties. Just call her some time when you think she's back. Let her call you back. If she texts you, call her. No more texting til you've established Contact.
Author minorsecond Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 Thanks sanskrit! I have read some of your other posts and you've got some quality advice. So, regarding this weekend.. would you just ignore it if she doesn't contact you? I kind of don't know what to do if she calls at say 9:30 tonight to say "Hey we're going out! Meet us there!"
Shaun-Dro Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Well they were apparently all interested in me, but I waited too long to make a move. I'm just having a hard time lately because I always get my hopes up and then get let down. I'm trying to not get my hopes up with this latest interest, but it seems I already have. What if she doesn't let me know when she's headed to the bar? If she does tell me, and it's at the last minute am I supposed to drop what I'm doing to go hang with her? Or, since it's last minute, do I tell her that I'm busy and ask for a rain check? I now realize why I shouldn't have given her the power of letting me know when she's in town and when we can meet up. What is so special about this particular girl that's got you so interested in seeing her again, where you need to ask us for advice on how to proceed? If it's just her physical beauty that's got you knotted-up, then say so. If not, I'd like to hear it.
Author minorsecond Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 She's pretty good looking, seems pretty level-headed and is into some of the same things I'm involved with. She seems like fun.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 She's pretty good looking, seems pretty level-headed and is into some of the same things I'm involved with. She seems like fun. Okay, but realistically you need to have other women lined up just in case this one doesn't fall through for you. Also try not to lean so much in trying to show how interested in her you are. Women..ahem..American women do not really appreicate that from a man, unless she's that RARE kind. In all respect, if you don't see or hear from her again, it's her loss, not yours, so please try not to dwell on her. Ultimately, she won't be worth it in the grand scheme of things. Regardless of what everyone else may say and think, if a woman is really into you, she will make it clear as day. If you're feeling she's letting you in on mixed signals, she's not as into you, and might be considering on other options in the moment. Either way, don't worry about her and continue to live your life how ever you damn well please.
sanskrit Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 OK, take the reins, who cares where she is going to be? ask her to go where you want to take her. Call her on Monday and ask her out for Thursday to meet for an after work drink somewhere not near that bar where you met (in fact never take her there again or go there yourself if you continue to date this girl). If she says yes, keep the date short, 1-1.5 hours, then "have to go, thanks for meeting me! will be in touch" (provided you want to ask her out again). Do not set a future date or even mention one at this point. You need to have some time to decide if she is worth a "real" date, and don't just assume she is because she looks good. If she says no, and doesn't offer or strongly hint at a raincheck, move on to other opportunities. If she offers a definite raincheck "how bout this weekend?" have a plan already in mind for Friday night and ask her to do that. Assuming things go well, start asking her out once a week on weeknights, not weekends, while you are making an active effort to meet other women on the weekends, don't sit around and fantasize about this one, whom you hardly know, make more real options for yourself. The goal is to have 3-5 options at any given time, even if all aren't ideal, rest assured if she is good looking, she has at least that many options. Get the playing field level and be the fun, light, flirty guy who asks her out and shows her a good time. Be prepared for a bomb sometime soon, "I'm still involved with an ex." That's fine as you haven't invested much time and hopefully little money, and have instead been out finding options when you would have been texting, calling, sitting around wondering about her. Truth is, you have no idea whether this woman is even truly available for dating. Weed her out fast if not and move to other options. Funny thing is that they can smell other options on you, and it makes you more attractive. But always remember, most importantly, outside of outlier behavior, there's just not much you can do to change a woman's estimation of you at this point. All the strategizing. calculating, etc., can't change much. You do it for -your- sanity and to keep -your- dating life interesting and full of options, not to try to influence them. You influence them only face to face by the quality of time spent together, not the setup and planning. And finally, she should be impressing -you- also, convincing you that she is worth your time, not just you impressing her, and don't cut slack on this. if she's a dud, not fun, not affectionate, never touches you, etc. be critical (internally) and when you can start cutting them for not impressing you enough, you are well on your way. Good luck.
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