girlygirl100 Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Hi everyone. A little background. I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months. He is 31 and I am 28. This is my first serious relationship. I never really dated anyone before and he has had other girlfriends in the past. We met online and he is a wonderful person. He has a great job, is independent, responsible, sweet, loving, honest and trustworthy. He comes from an amazing, close family and on paper everything is perfect. Then there's me. I am a worrier. I over analyze and tend to think about the next moment rather than enjoy the moment I'm in. We have fun together. We like to do the same things, but part of me has these nagging feelings of doubt. I think part of me is scared because I can see us getting more serious in the future and I often wonder if I am missing out on someone else. Now, I know that sounds awful but I can't think of another way to describe it. There is nothing wrong with him so I feel like I shouldn't feel this way and I feel guilty. Has anyone else had these types of feelings? I always thought when I got a serious boyfriend I would want to spend all my time with him and everything would be perfect. I know that sounds crazy and I blame romantic comedies for that thought process. But in all seriousness, I am not like that. I like my 'me' time. Things aren't perfect. I know relationships take work but I can't figure out if these feelings are really just who I am or am I this way because of the person I'm with? It's very apparent when I am worried about something. I wear my emotions all over my face, so we've talked about this. He has confessed, that in his eyes, I am perfect for him. He can see a future with us. We have said I love you to each other and I do love him, but sometimes I wonder if his love is stronger for me than mine is for him. He has told me things take time but he is happy with us. He is so patient with me when these feelings come up and I feel lucky because I don't know if anyone else would put up with me. I can be very insecure and will often brush off compliments he gives me or pick apart a dinner I made. He is the opposite of that.. very confident and doesn't tend to worry about anything. Lives in the moment and has a genuine positive outlook on life. I've rambled enough. Am I over analyzing everything? Is this a relationship I should end or do I just need to work on me? Thanks in advance for any replies.
Jazzari Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Hi everyone. A little background. I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months. He is 31 and I am 28. This is my first serious relationship. I never really dated anyone before and he has had other girlfriends in the past. We met online and he is a wonderful person. He has a great job, is independent, responsible, sweet, loving, honest and trustworthy. He comes from an amazing, close family and on paper everything is perfect. Then there's me. I am a worrier. I over analyze and tend to think about the next moment rather than enjoy the moment I'm in. We have fun together. We like to do the same things, but part of me has these nagging feelings of doubt. I think part of me is scared because I can see us getting more serious in the future and I often wonder if I am missing out on someone else. Now, I know that sounds awful but I can't think of another way to describe it. There is nothing wrong with him so I feel like I shouldn't feel this way and I feel guilty. Has anyone else had these types of feelings? I always thought when I got a serious boyfriend I would want to spend all my time with him and everything would be perfect. I know that sounds crazy and I blame romantic comedies for that thought process. But in all seriousness, I am not like that. I like my 'me' time. Things aren't perfect. I know relationships take work but I can't figure out if these feelings are really just who I am or am I this way because of the person I'm with? It's very apparent when I am worried about something. I wear my emotions all over my face, so we've talked about this. He has confessed, that in his eyes, I am perfect for him. He can see a future with us. We have said I love you to each other and I do love him, but sometimes I wonder if his love is stronger for me than mine is for him. He has told me things take time but he is happy with us. He is so patient with me when these feelings come up and I feel lucky because I don't know if anyone else would put up with me. I can be very insecure and will often brush off compliments he gives me or pick apart a dinner I made. He is the opposite of that.. very confident and doesn't tend to worry about anything. Lives in the moment and has a genuine positive outlook on life. I've rambled enough. Am I over analyzing everything? Is this a relationship I should end or do I just need to work on me? Thanks in advance for any replies.You can't miss out on someone else if you don't date. Do you think that would change in the future? It sounds like you have a great guy and they aren't easy to find. But if its not there, its not there. But I would think long and hard before throwing this away.
Author girlygirl100 Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 I guess I should have been a little clearer, I did the online thing and went out on a few dates and knew within the first 10 minutes that there was nothing there. It was different with him. There was an immediate connection. I don't want to have these feelings, I know that much. I will be fine for a few weeks then they will come back again.
Shadesofgray Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Hi everyone. A little background. I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months. He is 31 and I am 28. This is my first serious relationship. I never really dated anyone before and he has had other girlfriends in the past. We met online and he is a wonderful person. He has a great job, is independent, responsible, sweet, loving, honest and trustworthy. He comes from an amazing, close family and on paper everything is perfect. Then there's me. I am a worrier. I over analyze and tend to think about the next moment rather than enjoy the moment I'm in. We have fun together. We like to do the same things, but part of me has these nagging feelings of doubt. I think part of me is scared because I can see us getting more serious in the future and I often wonder if I am missing out on someone else. Now, I know that sounds awful but I can't think of another way to describe it. There is nothing wrong with him so I feel like I shouldn't feel this way and I feel guilty. Has anyone else had these types of feelings? I always thought when I got a serious boyfriend I would want to spend all my time with him and everything would be perfect. I know that sounds crazy and I blame romantic comedies for that thought process. But in all seriousness, I am not like that. I like my 'me' time. Things aren't perfect. I know relationships take work but I can't figure out if these feelings are really just who I am or am I this way because of the person I'm with? It's very apparent when I am worried about something. I wear my emotions all over my face, so we've talked about this. He has confessed, that in his eyes, I am perfect for him. He can see a future with us. We have said I love you to each other and I do love him, but sometimes I wonder if his love is stronger for me than mine is for him. He has told me things take time but he is happy with us. He is so patient with me when these feelings come up and I feel lucky because I don't know if anyone else would put up with me. I can be very insecure and will often brush off compliments he gives me or pick apart a dinner I made. He is the opposite of that.. very confident and doesn't tend to worry about anything. Lives in the moment and has a genuine positive outlook on life. I've rambled enough. Am I over analyzing everything? Is this a relationship I should end or do I just need to work on me? Thanks in advance for any replies. It sounds like you have a good relationship and I think the relationship and the worrying are two seperate issues. I'm exactly the same when it comes to worrying..I'm always worried about the next step instead of living in the moment. I think that my worries do tend to come from insecurities that I have. I think that it's something you can work on while in your relationship. Just try to indentify what you are worrying about...and see if there is any other reason that might be causing the worry. I'm sorry I can't offer much advise being as that I am in the same boat...all I can say is you are definitely not alone. It's easy to say "dont worry" but a complete different other thing not to do it.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I'm definitely not encouraging you or anyone to just "settle" but keep in mind that good guys are are a very rare find. Too many people think that the grass might be greener on the other side but find that it isn't. I think dating sites often perpetuate this mentality because it's just so easy to keep 'window shopping.' Sounds like you have a really great guy there. I suspect your hesitance is due to him being your first real relationship and you're afraid to potentially settle down with him when you have no other experience? I don't know. I think that if we can find a really great person in life, we shouldn't be thinking that there could be someone better out there. I guess you have to do what you have to do but whatever you do, don't lead him on if you find your feelings increase over time. Your BF deserves to know at some point if you're really doubting things with him, so as not to be wasting his time/love on someone who doesn't see a future with him.
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