rs.dallaire Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Some women say NO before the guy even makes a move, as if they had a sixth sense and didn't want to string the guy along. I find these women highly respectable. In my lifetime, this happened to me four times. I'd make some very subtle moves, almost trying to hide my interest, and they quickly shot me down. As I look back, all four women ended up having feelings for me. What's your take on this kind of situation?
Shaun-Dro Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Some women say NO before the guy even makes a move, as if they had a sixth sense and didn't want to string the guy along. I find these women highly respectable. In my lifetime, this happened to me four times. I'd make some very subtle moves, almost trying to hide my interest, and they quickly shot me down. As I look back, all four women ended up having feelings for me. What's your take on this kind of situation? What do you mean they ended up having feelings for you? Do you mean they did at the time of rejection or after the fact when they got to know you? Please explain.
Author rs.dallaire Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 What do you mean they ended up having feelings for you? Do you mean they did at the time of rejection or after the fact when they got to know you? Please explain. The first, she ended up admiring me and we had sex. It was terrible. The second fell in love with me years later, but I rejected her. Another one stalked me years later (she had become nuts).
lovingADove Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Lots of women, sometimes when they say "No", they really mean try harder, or they mean "You haven't yet given me the reason to be with you". I have come to the conclusion that, persistence can get you any woman you want. Of course, you shouldn't be a jerk and/or an impolite person. But, if you really want her and put in the effort and don't quit, more often than not, you will succeed.
Darren Taylor Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Women that do this want you to jump through hoops for them. I refuse to do it and if you say no the first time, you won't get a second chance. You better say yes the first time if you want to be with me.
fishtaco Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 When a girl flat out says no right off the bat then she is really disgusted by you. She is showing this repulsion to you in the most disrespectful way possible. When a guy is quite nauseating most lose their polite exterior and you get to see what she's thinking through the cracks. A girl will entertain a guy she doesn't want for hours. When they couldn't give you a couple minutes you should have known this was very bad. The girls came after you later out of desperation. They knew you wanted them. They saw you as a sure thing. Depending on the dating culture actually. What you described is more typical of Southern California women. They will play around with you even if they're not interested. Sometimes just for entertainment, sometimes they get free drinks. I've heard (if you know, correct me if I'm wrong), that the typical women in Miami is the opposite. They will reject you, hard, complete with an attitude, if they have no interest in you. So in that sense I don't believe if a woman rejects you right away it means you are the most disgusting creature on earth. At least not in Miami. And just generally I don't believe that to be true, even in Southern California. So I disagree with that part of your post. As for why they came back, you are right, desperation is a possibility. Sometimes they get kicked around by the men that they want, so they look for "sure thing" to get a quick ego boost. And if even "sure thing" rejects them, they may flip out and do whatever is in their power to get the "sure thing", in order to satisfy their inner insecurity. They have to prove they haven't lost their touch.
salty goodness Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 maybe i'm just getting old but this whole nonsense about women saying no as some time of game is totally foreign to me. whenever a man i'm not attracted to or interested in has made any kind of move my NO is a final answer. i know what i want and i know what i like and therefore have no time or patience to waste on stupid games with anyone, not just men. i was also raised by my parents to actually respect people and their feelings, how quaint and old fashioned of my folks to do that.
Enchanted Girl Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 (edited) Actually, women mean no when they say no. It's just women aren't as stubborn as men in general and if you pressure them enough, you can convince them to change their mind over time sometimes. We're not taught by society to be as sure of ourselves. We are taught to doubt ourselves in favor of other people. More women apologize about having opinions and offending people than men do even if they really meant whatever they said. Every girl I've ever known who said no when a guy approached them, meant it, and his constant pursuing of them made them feel like bad people and like maybe they should give him a try even if he was repulsive to them. This doesn't always happen, but its the mindset I've seen girls have who say yes later after saying no. They feel pity and that's why they say yes later because they think you're pathetic. Also, some women like me, are very insecure and we don't get that as guy likes us or is trying to ask us out until he flat out states that this is so. So we can't really reject men before they ask us out. Edited May 21, 2011 by Enchanted Girl
salty goodness Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Lots of women, sometimes when they say "No", they really mean try harder, or they mean "You haven't yet given me the reason to be with you". I have come to the conclusion that, persistence can get you any woman you want. Of course, you shouldn't be a jerk and/or an impolite person. But, if you really want her and put in the effort and don't quit, more often than not, you will succeed. this is not true at all. i went through a pretty traumatic experience as a freshmen in college when a man (he was an older student) wouldn't leave me alone and wouldn't take no for an answer so these types of scenarios push all my buttons. he started hounding my friends for personal information about me, would follow me around i was scared out of my mind and actually consdered leaving school because of him. one of my dear friends who was pretty gutsy confronted him on my behalf without me asking and threatened to go to administration and the authorities. to this day i'm convinced the only reason he listened was because he was on a student visa and became concerned that he might get kicked out of school or the country. the bottom line is i told him no over and over again, i told him i didn't like him and he still wouldn't leave me alone. as we all know this is not an uncommon problem for women and it can be very scary. if a woman doesn't want anything to do with no amount of persistence will work, all this guy was doing was making my life a living hell with his persistence
fishtaco Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 maybe i'm just getting old but this whole nonsense about women saying no as some time of game is totally foreign to me. whenever a man i'm not attracted to or interested in has made any kind of move my NO is a final answer. i know what i want and i know what i like and therefore have no time or patience to waste on stupid games with anyone, not just men. i was also raised by my parents to actually respect people and their feelings, how quaint and old fashioned of my folks to do that. And I respect women of your type. As long as they don't flip flop their decisions. The most awesome women, even if she rejects me, is like this: - Knows what she wants, and lets me know in a graceful manner - Does not over react, because she knows as a man, I have to stick my neck out and do the approaching - Does not manipulate me because she could use my attraction as a leverage to get what she wants - Does not change her mind every 5 minutes But this is the ideal situation. Many women don't behave this way partially because some men are jerks. The woman turns the man down gracefully, he flips out and calls her a cunt, because his little ego is damaged. Then next time, the woman gets defensive. But the next guy may be a guy that observes good civility like me. I'd have no intention of making the situation worse. But she goes into hostile defensive mode when I haven't even crossed any line. Then I walk away thinking she's bat-**** crazy. And next time I approach a woman, I'll being thinking... is she crazy too? So it's like the chicken and egg problem. But of course, some women are just naturally manipulative. Some women are just bitches. Although I can say, if a woman rejects you outright, at least you know she's not trying to use you. Awesome example, not my story, retelling it. Random girl at a fair. 19 year old hottie. Says I bet you I can get men to give me money. Goes around flirt with random guys, and sure enough, some sucker gives her money. So then challenge is now, hey, go to my friends there and get them to give you money. She goes, is promptly shut down. She comes back, hey! I thought you said your friends are stupid. But that was never said. Moral of the story: - Manipulative women start young. There's no age limit. - If you give in to manipulative women, not only are you not earning romantic points, you're not even going to get any platonic appreciation for the nice thing you did. All you'll get, is they'll think you're stupid and lose respect for you. You are a sucker. Don't be a sucker.
alethean Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 this is not true at all. i went through a pretty traumatic experience as a freshmen in college when a man (he was an older student) wouldn't leave me alone and wouldn't take no for an answer so these types of scenarios push all my buttons. he started hounding my friends for personal information about me, would follow me around i was scared out of my mind and actually consdered leaving school because of him. one of my dear friends who was pretty gutsy confronted him on my behalf without me asking and threatened to go to administration and the authorities. to this day i'm convinced the only reason he listened was because he was on a student visa and became concerned that he might get kicked out of school or the country. the bottom line is i told him no over and over again, i told him i didn't like him and he still wouldn't leave me alone. as we all know this is not an uncommon problem for women and it can be very scary. if a woman doesn't want anything to do with no amount of persistence will work, all this guy was doing was making my life a living hell with his persistence I agree with this post. Hardly anything gives me the shivers more than a guy who cannot take no for an answer.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Lots of women, sometimes when they say "No", they really mean try harder, or they mean "You haven't yet given me the reason to be with you". I have come to the conclusion that, persistence can get you any woman you want. Of course, you shouldn't be a jerk and/or an impolite person. But, if you really want her and put in the effort and don't quit, more often than not, you will succeed. I beg to differ. I once used to believe that years ago back when I was in my 20s. I used to get rejected by a girl and I would keep at her, continue to make her laugh, chat her up, charm her, etc. But she would just keep on saying no and eventually grew furious with me and threatened to call the cops on me for stalking. So, your theory has been shot at.
lovingADove Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 I can give you 20 personal examples of just the opposite. Some happened to me just recently. And I have seen it happen, not only to me, but to a lot of my friends as well. I'm not saying that everytime you persist you will succeed, but in many cases, you simply need to try harder. I beg to differ. I once used to believe that years ago back when I was in my 20s. I used to get rejected by a girl and I would keep at her, continue to make her laugh, chat her up, charm her, etc. But she would just keep on saying no and eventually grew furious with me and threatened to call the cops on me for stalking. So, your theory has been shot at.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 I can give you 20 personal examples of just the opposite. Some happened to me just recently. And I have seen it happen, not only to me, but to a lot of my friends as well. I'm not saying that everytime you persist you will succeed, but in many cases, you simply need to try harder. Try harder in what sense? I'm not getting what you're saying. Any little bit of success I've had with women were quite the opposite. I had to act like I was disinterested and even ignore them at times to get their attention. I found these women less desirible, but I fooled around with them anyway, because I was single at the time with nothing else better coming along. As for the ones I made several attempts at, would just get annoyed with me and eventually angry to the point I would wanna give up! I've yet to date a girl I've worked at getting. It would be a wonderful feeling I'm sure but this doesn't happen for me, so I don't bother. You obviously don't live in NY. You'll get hit with sexual harassment in a second here by just a look sometimes. Besides, women really have nothing in common with men other than just to share the similar sexual appetites . One reason I've got to travel the world in search of these 'other' sexual creatures.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 If a woman says no, she just rejected herself. So no, no means no. If she's playing games by saying it, she's only cheating herself.
salty goodness Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 And I respect women of your type. As long as they don't flip flop their decisions. The most awesome women, even if she rejects me, is like this: - Knows what she wants, and lets me know in a graceful manner - Does not over react, because she knows as a man, I have to stick my neck out and do the approaching - Does not manipulate me because she could use my attraction as a leverage to get what she wants - Does not change her mind every 5 minutes But this is the ideal situation. Many women don't behave this way partially because some men are jerks. The woman turns the man down gracefully, he flips out and calls her a cunt, because his little ego is damaged. Then next time, the woman gets defensive. But the next guy may be a guy that observes good civility like me. I'd have no intention of making the situation worse. But she goes into hostile defensive mode when I haven't even crossed any line. Then I walk away thinking she's bat-**** crazy. And next time I approach a woman, I'll being thinking... is she crazy too? So it's like the chicken and egg problem. But of course, some women are just naturally manipulative. Some women are just bitches. Although I can say, if a woman rejects you outright, at least you know she's not trying to use you. Awesome example, not my story, retelling it. Random girl at a fair. 19 year old hottie. Says I bet you I can get men to give me money. Goes around flirt with random guys, and sure enough, some sucker gives her money. So then challenge is now, hey, go to my friends there and get them to give you money. She goes, is promptly shut down. She comes back, hey! I thought you said your friends are stupid. But that was never said. Moral of the story: - Manipulative women start young. There's no age limit. - If you give in to manipulative women, not only are you not earning romantic points, you're not even going to get any platonic appreciation for the nice thing you did. All you'll get, is they'll think you're stupid and lose respect for you. You are a sucker. Don't be a sucker. i have always treated people the way i want to be treated and unless someone is outright rude and inappropriate to me i see no reason to mistreat them, especially if they've shown an interest in me. even the man i mentioned above, when he started to approach me i was not in any way mean to him i just told him i wasn't interested and that he was too old for me. but despite that awful incident i have never been a jerk to any guy who's asked me out even if i wasn't attracted to him because unlike a lot of posters here who make broad generalizations i knew full well that not all guys were creepy stalkers. in my experiences manipulation is a quality that both men and women possess and yes i agree it starts at a very early age. i also find that more and more people simply lack empathy for others. one of the reasons i started first lurking here and then posting was because i was thinking of getting back into the dating game after a self-imposed break and i have to say all this talk about playing games and stringing people along is not something i can relate to and it making me very nervous about dating again. maybe i should just get one of those male love dolls.
nordic Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Some women say NO before the guy even makes a move, as if they had a sixth sense and didn't want to string the guy along. I find these women highly respectable. In my lifetime, this happened to me four times. I'd make some very subtle moves, almost trying to hide my interest, and they quickly shot me down. As I look back, all four women ended up having feelings for me. What's your take on this kind of situation? 50% of women who say to me. ok i will come up with you, but there will be no sex, will end up having sex with me, within a few hours. thats how much that means.
nordic Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I beg to differ. I once used to believe that years ago back when I was in my 20s. I used to get rejected by a girl and I would keep at her, continue to make her laugh, chat her up, charm her, etc. But she would just keep on saying no and eventually grew furious with me and threatened to call the cops on me for stalking. So, your theory has been shot at. i agree with lovingadove. "no" doesnt mean anything from a woman. it could mean no, but often its a test to see if you really want it. in any case, you dont know, so the only way to find out is to push it until you get the real reaction, which is not made up of words but body language. look at her when she says no. is she pushing you away, or is she just saying it? if its just words, it doesnt mean anything. or it means "yes, maybe. but now you are making me feel like a slut, and if you stop that i will have sex with you."
Shaun-Dro Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 i agree with lovingadove. "no" doesnt mean anything from a woman. it could mean no, but often its a test to see if you really want it. in any case, you dont know, so the only way to find out is to push it until you get the real reaction, which is not made up of words but body language. look at her when she says no. is she pushing you away, or is she just saying it? if its just words, it doesnt mean anything. or it means "yes, maybe. but now you are making me feel like a slut, and if you stop that i will have sex with you." If this is the case then please explain to me why every woman I ask out says no to me, and the ones I didn't really care about always wanted to sleep with me? Please enlighten me on this because I'm lost right now.
Author rs.dallaire Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 When a girl flat out says no right off the bat then she is really disgusted by you. She is showing this repulsion to you in the most disrespectful way possible. When a guy is quite nauseating most lose their polite exterior and you get to see what she's thinking through the cracks. A girl will entertain a guy she doesn't want for hours. When they couldn't give you a couple minutes you should have known this was very bad. The girls came after you later out of desperation. They knew you wanted them. They saw you as a sure thing. Actually, I may be a bit older than you but these women all became lifelong friends and they've all been in my life for over a decade. There's a lot of shades between being in love with someone and being repulsed by them.
Author rs.dallaire Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Of course they had feelings for you. If they didn't, you wouldn't have been in a position to make moves on them in the first place. You wouldn't have tried. But your moves while trying to hide your interest probably just struck these women as creepy and even stalkerish. (You don't state what the moves actually were so it's difficult to actually tell.) Next time if you're interested in a woman and want to make a move, make it, and don't try to be sneaky about it. Thanks for your post. Actually the opposite happened. I asked them out in a pretty platonic context (we were all friends to begin with). They all accepted to go out with me but mentioned up front that we were only friends. I did not stalk them or even tried to pursue them. I even introduced them to my friends to find out if there were a potential match. Years later, they all changed their mind.
Author rs.dallaire Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Guys, thanks for your replies, but this really isn't about stalking a girl who doesn't want anything to do with you. In my lifetime, I've had girls change their mind over time as they got to know me. I was also shot down once because she didn't trust I actually had feelings for her and it turned her off. When she realized I was actually sincere, she really opened up to me.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Guys, thanks for your replies, but this really isn't about stalking a girl who doesn't want anything to do with you. In my lifetime, I've had girls change their mind over time as they got to know me. I was also shot down once because she didn't trust I actually had feelings for her and it turned her off. When she realized I was actually sincere, she really opened up to me. Yea, but what does it take to get a woman to give you a chance to open up to her? That's the hard part because so many of them say no to me on the phone number attempt .
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