Ginger Beer Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 (edited) Some of you may already have read some of my posts about the girl I'm interested in. Very brief summary: - We were dating from July 2010 until September 2010, I loved her, she ended it and treated me really badly. Lied to me and put her ex before me. - I went NC from December 2010 until April 2011. - She said she wanted me back and things sort of went good again, but then she starts to distance herself again and the same things that happened at the end of the 1st time we dated are happening now. I feel like I'm not loved. :( She never tells me anything nice and she ignores anything affectionate I say to her. She regularly ignores my texts in the evening until the next day then if I ask if she fell asleep she just says ''yeah, sorry''. Am I being unfair in that I don't like her falling asleep on me and ignoring me? She says she doesn't have much time but she's always on her phone on messenger talking to other people and on Facebook and stuff. She said on Tuesday ''I'll text you tomorrow, night xxx'' but then didn't text for two days. I said to her why tell my you're going to do something and then not do it? She also gave my number to a mutual friend so it's not like she didn't think of me in those two days. She said she had been ill and it'd slipped her mind. She used to tell me she loves me, now she never says it. She said she doesn't want to say things she doesn't mean because she doesn't want to mess this up. Why would she say it to start with and then stop? She said she can't force affection but I honestly just feel like a nobody to her. Sometimes I wish she'd just do something unexpected that showed she cares but she doesn't. When you like someone doesn't it come naturally? I feel like she just isn't that interested and wants me ''there'' until she finds someone better, or for her ego. Edited May 21, 2011 by Ginger Beer
Sabali Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 I feel like she just isn't that interested and wants me ''there'' until she finds someone better, or for her ego. Or already have someone there and you just don't know it yet. Have some respect for yourself , man. What are you getting out of this besides bad feelings? Answer that question. Are you even getting any sex from her? I don't easily tell people to dump their significant others but you should get rid of her and not look back. You encourage her to continue to treat you this way. Really.
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 Or already have someone there and you just don't know it yet. Have some respect for yourself , man. What are you getting out of this besides bad feelings? Answer that question. Are you even getting any sex from her? I don't easily tell people to dump their significant others but you should get rid of her and not look back. You encourage her to continue to treat you this way. Really. Nothing! It makes me anxious every day because I worry I've done something wrong or she's going to tell me something bad.
utterer of lies Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Nothing! It makes me anxious every day because I worry I've done something wrong or she's going to tell me something bad. Man up and leave her. She is lost to you already, no matter what you do.
Sabali Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Nothing! It makes me anxious every day because I worry I've done something wrong or she's going to tell me something bad. So the whole concept of being with someone or a part of a couple is to have your life enriched by someone else and to bring about a more pleasurable quality of life for yourself. Your relationship does not do that for you? What would you tell someone else to do in this situation?
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 (edited) So the whole concept of being with someone or a part of a couple is to have your life enriched by someone else and to bring about a more pleasurable quality of life for yourself. Your relationship does not do that for you? What would you tell someone else to do in this situation? True. What would you suggest saying? She was also seeing someone else in the time I went NC, but that went bad and I don't know who ended it (she doesn't know I know about this though). Edited May 21, 2011 by Ginger Beer
Sabali Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 True. What would you suggest saying? She was also seeing someone else in the time I went NC, but that went bad and I don't know who ended it (she doesn't know I know about this though). I suggest that you leave her. Again, I don't recommend this lightly to anyone. I usually like to see people try to work things out, if possible, but you are in a dead end relationship that has nothing to offer but mostly feelings. Preferably, you should sum things up face-to-face without sounding emotional or whiny. Tell her why you are ending things using the points you stated above in your OP. Absolutely do not get into an argument with her or you lose. Do not get into any sort of fight, argument or dramatic scenario. Keep in mind that the feeling of being dumped is pleasurable for no one. Many people in this instance will try to prevent it from happening so that they can avoid having the crappy "I just got dumped" feeling. So she may try to prevent it with all sorts of behavior. Once she avoids being dumped, she can then turn back around later and get rid of you. Being the dumper feels so much better, you know?
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 The fact that you're not hooking up with her and don't even sound like you're the top priority in her life makes it seem like she considers this "relationship" more of a friendship. I've been in this type of situation before where I thought there was something between us but in reality I was just playing the role of best friend while she was dating other guys.
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 I suggest that you leave her. Again, I don't recommend this lightly to anyone. I usually like to see people try to work things out, if possible, but you are in a dead end relationship that has nothing to offer but mostly feelings. Preferably, you should sum things up face-to-face without sounding emotional or whiny. Tell her why you are ending things using the points you stated above in your OP. Absolutely do not get into an argument with her or you lose. Do not get into any sort of fight, argument or dramatic scenario. Keep in mind that the feeling of being dumped is pleasurable for no one. Many people in this instance will try to prevent it from happening so that they can avoid having the crappy "I just got dumped" feeling. So she may try to prevent it with all sorts of behavior. Once she avoids being dumped, she can then turn back around later and get rid of you. Being the dumper feels so much better, you know? Why is this so important?
ladyinlimbo Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Why is this so important? I can't speak for the person who advised this but my guess would be that if you do argue or get into a fight about it, she'll twist things around and put the blame all on you and you don't deserve that. Plus you don't want to come across as really hurt by all of this (even if you are)....as that will just feed her obvious ego. She's not treating you with an ounce of respect and you deserve so much more. Being in a relationship should enhance your life, not detract from the quality of it or make you feel constant insecurity and uncertainty and always this fear of "waiting for the other shoe to drop." End if BEFORE the other shoe DOES drop. She's shameful in that she dumped you, had something going with someone else, then suddenly wants you back and you give her a 2nd chance and she's blown it again. No effort on her part whatsoever. Seems that you're an "option" and not the "priority" that you should be. That's just wrong. It's possible she is keeping you as a "Plan B" while looking for someone else, or perhaps is already interested in someone else (sorry if that's upsetting to you). She's treating you like crap, doesn't keep her word, very irregular communication, lack of respect toward you, doesn't really seem to give you the time of day, isn't affectionate, can't even express her feelings for you. You deserve a woman who will make you a priority, who will show that she cares so that you never have to doubt it; who makes time in her life for you, who includes you in her life, who treats you with respect. The fact that she's a dooche is no reflection on you WHATSOEVER. It's all on her so don't beat yourself up. Do as advised, meet with her face to face then drop the bomb that you're done with her and her crap, done for good. Be pleasant but precise in the message. Don't give in if she offers to 'change' or asks you to give her another chance. You already did give her another chance. I wish you the best.
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 I can't speak for the person who advised this but my guess would be that if you do argue or get into a fight about it, she'll twist things around and put the blame all on you and you don't deserve that. Plus you don't want to come across as really hurt by all of this (even if you are)....as that will just feed her obvious ego. She's not treating you with an ounce of respect and you deserve so much more. Being in a relationship should enhance your life, not detract from the quality of it or make you feel constant insecurity and uncertainty and always this fear of "waiting for the other shoe to drop." End if BEFORE the other shoe DOES drop. She's shameful in that she dumped you, had something going with someone else, then suddenly wants you back and you give her a 2nd chance and she's blown it again. No effort on her part whatsoever. Seems that you're an "option" and not the "priority" that you should be. That's just wrong. It's possible she is keeping you as a "Plan B" while looking for someone else, or perhaps is already interested in someone else (sorry if that's upsetting to you). She's treating you like crap, doesn't keep her word, very irregular communication, lack of respect toward you, doesn't really seem to give you the time of day, isn't affectionate, can't even express her feelings for you. You deserve a woman who will make you a priority, who will show that she cares so that you never have to doubt it; who makes time in her life for you, who includes you in her life, who treats you with respect. The fact that she's a dooche is no reflection on you WHATSOEVER. It's all on her so don't beat yourself up. Do as advised, meet with her face to face then drop the bomb that you're done with her and her crap, done for good. Be pleasant but precise in the message. Don't give in if she offers to 'change' or asks you to give her another chance. You already did give her another chance. I wish you the best. Should I mention all the things I've highlighted? Your post has been very helpful. It can't be done in person btw, she lives in another city. Email or text are my only options, it won't be a good idea to do it on the phone because it'll go into conversation.
phillyfan Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Some of you may already have read some of my posts about the girl I'm interested in. Very brief summary: - We were dating from July 2010 until September 2010, I loved her, she ended it and treated me really badly. Lied to me and put her ex before me. - I went NC from December 2010 until April 2011. - She said she wanted me back and things sort of went good again, but then she starts to distance herself again and the same things that happened at the end of the 1st time we dated are happening now. I feel like I'm not loved. :( She never tells me anything nice and she ignores anything affectionate I say to her. She regularly ignores my texts in the evening until the next day then if I ask if she fell asleep she just says ''yeah, sorry''. Am I being unfair in that I don't like her falling asleep on me and ignoring me? She says she doesn't have much time but she's always on her phone on messenger talking to other people and on Facebook and stuff. She said on Tuesday ''I'll text you tomorrow, night xxx'' but then didn't text for two days. I said to her why tell my you're going to do something and then not do it? She also gave my number to a mutual friend so it's not like she didn't think of me in those two days. She said she had been ill and it'd slipped her mind. She used to tell me she loves me, now she never says it. She said she doesn't want to say things she doesn't mean because she doesn't want to mess this up. Why would she say it to start with and then stop? She said she can't force affection but I honestly just feel like a nobody to her. Sometimes I wish she'd just do something unexpected that showed she cares but she doesn't. When you like someone doesn't it come naturally? I feel like she just isn't that interested and wants me ''there'' until she finds someone better, or for her ego. Dude she aint interested and u know it. Sorry, u sound like a nice guy. Time rip off the band aid n walk away, dont let her treat u like trash. Plus if u hit the ignore button the girl will suddenly be freakin interested in u anyway lol
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 I can't speak for the person who advised this but my guess would be that if you do argue or get into a fight about it, she'll twist things around and put the blame all on you and you don't deserve that. Plus you don't want to come across as really hurt by all of this (even if you are)....as that will just feed her obvious ego. She's not treating you with an ounce of respect and you deserve so much more. Being in a relationship should enhance your life, not detract from the quality of it or make you feel constant insecurity and uncertainty and always this fear of "waiting for the other shoe to drop." End if BEFORE the other shoe DOES drop. She's shameful in that she dumped you, had something going with someone else, then suddenly wants you back and you give her a 2nd chance and she's blown it again. No effort on her part whatsoever. Seems that you're an "option" and not the "priority" that you should be. That's just wrong. It's possible she is keeping you as a "Plan B" while looking for someone else, or perhaps is already interested in someone else (sorry if that's upsetting to you). She's treating you like crap, doesn't keep her word, very irregular communication, lack of respect toward you, doesn't really seem to give you the time of day, isn't affectionate, can't even express her feelings for you. You deserve a woman who will make you a priority, who will show that she cares so that you never have to doubt it; who makes time in her life for you, who includes you in her life, who treats you with respect. The fact that she's a dooche is no reflection on you WHATSOEVER. It's all on her so don't beat yourself up. Do as advised, meet with her face to face then drop the bomb that you're done with her and her crap, done for good. Be pleasant but precise in the message. Don't give in if she offers to 'change' or asks you to give her another chance. You already did give her another chance. I wish you the best. Should I mention all the things I've highlighted? Your post has been very helpful. It can't be done in person btw, she lives in another city. Email or text are my only options, it won't be a good idea to do it on the phone because it'll go into conversation. It will go something like this: Hello ********, I am not doing this any more. You dumped me, see someone else, then suddenly you say you want me back, I give you a 2nd chance and you blow it again. You don't treat me with any respect, there is no effort on your part whatsoever. You forget to text me, you don't keep to your word, you're not affectionate, you don't express your feelings for me, you treat me like I'm an option and not a priority. Sometimes I wish you would just do something unexpected without me asking for it, something that proves you care and you never do. You say I'm perfect for you and you do nothing to prove it. This is unfair and I'm done with this for good. ???
Sabali Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Dude she aint interested and u know it. Sorry, u sound like a nice guy. Time rip off the band aid n walk away, dont let her treat u like trash. Plus if u hit the ignore button the girl will suddenly be freakin interested in u anyway lol I think that you can tell by now that he is not the type of guy to hit the ignore button.
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 I think that you can tell by now that he is not the type of guy to hit the ignore button. ??? I went NC for four months. The last month was spent ignoring texts from her begging me to come back. I find that comment quite offensive actually.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 (edited) Should I mention all the things I've highlighted? Your post has been very helpful. It can't be done in person btw, she lives in another city. Email or text are my only options, it won't be a good idea to do it on the phone because it'll go into conversation. It will go something like this: Hello ********, I am not doing this any more. You dumped me, see someone else, then suddenly you say you want me back, I give you a 2nd chance and you blow it again. You don't treat me with any respect, there is no effort on your part whatsoever. You forget to text me, you don't keep to your word, you're not affectionate, you don't express your feelings for me, you treat me like I'm an option and not a priority. Sometimes I wish you would just do something unexpected without me asking for it, something that proves you care and you never do. You say I'm perfect for you and you do nothing to prove it. This is unfair and I'm done with this for good. ??? I think I'd revise it a little bit so you don't come across as ?whiny: Hello ********, I am not doing this dance any more. You dumped me, see someone else, then suddenly you say you want me back, I give you a 2nd chance and you blow it again. You don't treat me with any respect, there is no effort on your part whatsoever. You forget to text me, you don't keep to your word, you're not affectionate, you don't express your feelings for me, you treat me like I'm an option and not the priority that a partner should be. You say I'm perfect for you but talk is cheap and you've proven that time and time again. I'm done with cheap talk and empty words. I wouldn't treat you or anyone this way and I will not accept being the recipient of it, I am forever done. There is no reason for you to respond or try to communicate with me in any way from this point on, I have no time or patience for your cheap talk. Moving onto much bigger and better. Edited May 21, 2011 by ladyinlimbo
Sabali Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 ??? I went NC for four months. The last month was spent ignoring texts from her begging me to come back. I find that comment quite offensive actually. Yes, you did state this. I take it back.
Art_Critic Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 You know what you gotta do... Truer words have never been spoken
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 Yes, you did state this. I take it back. No problem. It's all good.
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 I think I'd revise it a little bit so you don't come across as ?whiny: Hello ********, I am not doing this dance any more. You dumped me, see someone else, then suddenly you say you want me back, I give you a 2nd chance and you blow it again. You don't treat me with any respect, there is no effort on your part whatsoever. You forget to text me, you don't keep to your word, you're not affectionate, you don't express your feelings for me, you treat me like I'm an option and not the priority that a partner should be. You say I'm perfect for you but talk is cheap and you've proven that time and time again. I'm done with cheap talk and empty words. I wouldn't treat you or anyone this way and I will not accept being the recipient of it, I am forever done. There is no reason for you to respond or try to communicate with me in any way from this point on, I have no time or patience for your cheap talk. Moving onto much bigger and better. Hmm, do you think it's a good idea to mention that she was seeing someone else? She doesn't know that I know about this by the way. Just wondering if I should say that I know.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Hmm, do you think it's a good idea to mention that she was seeing someone else? She doesn't know that I know about this by the way. Just wondering if I should say that I know. Well...........so you were broken up/NC with her 4 months and during that time she was seeing someone else? Is there any possibility she dumped you FOR someone else?.....if so, that would be worth alluding to but if not the case, not sure if you should mention it because if you were broken up she is entitled to see others...........unless you want to comment, overall, about how she goes from one guy to another, like she's changing shoes or something. What ages are you both?
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) Well...........so you were broken up/NC with her 4 months and during that time she was seeing someone else? Is there any possibility she dumped you FOR someone else?.....if so, that would be worth alluding to but if not the case, not sure if you should mention it because if you were broken up she is entitled to see others...........unless you want to comment, overall, about how she goes from one guy to another, like she's changing shoes or something. What ages are you both? This is correct. She says she didn't dump me for someone else but I think she did, here is why: Around the time it started to go bad, she told me at the beginning of last September, ''I don't think you should like me anymore, I can't be close with anyone at the minute.'' Her parents had just split up and she says it was because of that. She said to me we would go back to seeing each other again but then later admitted she only said that because she ''thought it was what I wanted to hear''. During this time she also posted a status on Facebook ''Happy Birthday shnookums'' for her ex on the day of his birthday, she called me ''Shnookums'' so that really hurt that she used that name for him. She also started liking all of his pictures and all the comments he left on hers from when they were together. I noticed this but didn't say anything. She got with her ex after losing interest in another boy for no reason and didn't bother to tell him, sort of like what she did to me. I know for certain though that before I got back in contact with her, she had said to a mutual friend ''there's this boy I really like and he's not very nice to me'', asking him for advice. It didn't work out but I don't know who dumped who, if he dumped her it would align with her suddenly texting me non stop for a month asking me to come back. I am 22, she is 19 next month. Edited May 22, 2011 by Ginger Beer
Author Ginger Beer Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 I think I made a **** up. We agreed to talk about things on Monday, Monday came and we text in the morning just making conversation, I ask her when she's going out and she doesn't reply all day. Nothing on Tuesday. She texts earlier today (Wednesday) and I asked her what happened on Monday. She said she forgot to text as she was busy getting ready. We sort of argued and then she said to speak to her when I'm not angry. I replied that I wasn't angry just that I wanted to talk to her (not about the issues meant for Monday, just general talk) and did she want me to go. She then ignored me for about 40 minutes and I replied with; ''I'm not playing your games, I am not here for your amusement. I know you're blanking me and I don't respect that at all. You will regret that''. She then texts back almost immediately ''Thanks for waking me up, I fell asleep... kill me. I cba with the drama anymore I wasn't intentionally ignoring you, end of''. I replied to her text within 10 minutes of her sending it, do you think she really did fall asleep? If so, I think I ****ed up.
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