kbme311 Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 I recently posted here about a text conversation between myself and my ex where he said, "I hope the next guy you shag gives you AIDS". My ex has not stopped contacting me since the break up. I have repeatedly asked him to stop contacting me. I sent him a message on facebook explaining how we were over and that stopped him contacting me for about three weeks. Then it started again... I changed service provider and now have a new cell number. However he has now started phoning my home number. I phoned that service provider and they are going to place a service on my phone that means I can block numbers. I still haven't heard back from them to get the code and need to chase that up. Anyway, I phoned the police to get advice and the person I spoke to said to report him for harassment. I was worried that that may provoke him further. He hasn't come over since we broke up (that I know of) but I'm worried that a visit from the police will just cause more trouble. I told this to the police but they argued that he needs to be told to leave me alone as he is harassing me. Has anyone else had to do this and if so, has it escalated? He is going to be warned to stop contacting me by the police and if he doesn't then he will be immediately arrested for harassment. Also I just wanted to further recommend no contact. I realised that even though this relationship was abusive, I was still reluctant to let it go. Replying to texts, even if only to tell him to leave him alone, was still not letting go. I have since blocked his facebook page which was killing me as he was declaring love and feelings for this girl he was chasing when we were seeing each other. I'm feeling a lot better since I haven't spoken to him. I'm progressing in leaps and bounds and it doesn't hurt so much anymore
carhill Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 My sympathies.... I hope, once he does move on, you can take this quiet time to reflect upon how this abusive relationship occurred and what steps you can take to pick a different type of man the next time. I hope you will fight the temptation to contact him or respond to his contact in the future, as it will likely be part of your healing process, and can delay/complicate it. An emotional attachment is often difficult to give up. Hope it works out
Author kbme311 Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 My sympathies.... I hope, once he does move on, you can take this quiet time to reflect upon how this abusive relationship occurred and what steps you can take to pick a different type of man the next time. I hope you will fight the temptation to contact him or respond to his contact in the future, as it will likely be part of your healing process, and can delay/complicate it. An emotional attachment is often difficult to give up. Hope it works out Thank you I went through hell trying to walk away from this. It felt like I was giving up heroin or something. He wasn't physically abusive but emotionally abusive. I'm not going to go into details but I realise my self esteem must be rock bottom and has been for a while. I am actually taking steps to try and sort that out. I have done a lot of reading on co dependence etc and realise that relationship was co dependent. I am also sorting out counselling. I finished it though and have only spoken to him once in three months so I have done well, I think. I have not initiated contact but have responded to texts and stuff. I did not pick up the phone the last time he called, so I am doing a lot better:D I just hope that this doesn't flick some kind of switch and have him steaming over here
carhill Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Talk about how you would handle him showing up on your doorstep with your counselor. Those kinds of visualizations can get out a lot of your feelings into the open so you can work them, accept them, and move on. IMO, acceptance is the single biggest component of moving on in a healthy way. It leaves the past in the past in a positive way, as a life lesson one can carry the lessons from forward. Try to make the path to the destination clearer each day with one positive action. Only one. It could be as simple as eliminating one more potential means of contact, or removing an object which is a reminder/impetus to feelings. You decide. One day at a time.
Author kbme311 Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 I think you are 100% right about acceptance. I have to accept and force myself to accept that a) the relationship will never be what I want because he is incapable of fulfilling my needs. b) the relationship is over and I need to move on It's been three months since we split up and it's getting easier day by day. I am no longer suffering waves of pain and grief. I try and push him out of my mind. The police report gives it a final full stop as he's in danger now of getting arrested should he contact me again so there's no going back. As a result of this I'm doing a lot of positive things, I'm learning guitar, salsa and painting and really enjoying them so I suppose something positive has come out of this:D
neverendingdrama Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 like restraining orders . If he breaks that he can go to jail and face fines. It could go one of 2 ways. The police may call him and give him a nice warning and threaten to charge him with harassment ( DV) charges if it continues. Or they could be just flat out charge him and issue a warrant for his arrest. Sounds harsh but they do go full guns. I have seen it in action and the sad part it was on ME. I had the restraining order and was moving out . He was abusive and is facing DV charges. I wanted to be completely out of the house before he came back. I texted him about 4 or 5 times with dates for a police assist. Sadly I kept changing the date .They gave him a non emergency number to call. Never were they threatening or asking him to contact me. Police ended up trying ( it never passed the judges desk ) to charge me with DV harassment. If you are clearly stating no contact and he continues , he is in a world of hurt. Good for you for stopping the bleeding !
Author kbme311 Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 like restraining orders . If he breaks that he can go to jail and face fines. It could go one of 2 ways. The police may call him and give him a nice warning and threaten to charge him with harassment ( DV) charges if it continues. Or they could be just flat out charge him and issue a warrant for his arrest. Sounds harsh but they do go full guns. I have seen it in action and the sad part it was on ME. I had the restraining order and was moving out . He was abusive and is facing DV charges. I wanted to be completely out of the house before he came back. I texted him about 4 or 5 times with dates for a police assist. Sadly I kept changing the date .They gave him a non emergency number to call. Never were they threatening or asking him to contact me. Police ended up trying ( it never passed the judges desk ) to charge me with DV harassment. If you are clearly stating no contact and he continues , he is in a world of hurt. Good for you for stopping the bleeding ! Thanks Does phone and text harassment count as domestic violence? I didn't realise that. They did take this very very seriously when I reported it. I suppose this is due to leaving 'domestics' and women getting battered or worse. He has never physically threatened me but I do think he has a personality disorder. There is definitely something wrong with him. I just thank whoever is up there for every day I wake up and get stronger and the less I think about him. I'm also giving myself a pat on the back for firstly dumping him and secondly sticking by that decision because at some points I would have folded and I'd be back at square one. It's now out of my hands. I didn't realise he could be arrested for this.
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