SunnyV Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years. We met while in high school. I was 16 and he was 18. Now we are 20 and he 22. Our relationship was excellent. He was my first and I was his. We aren't like average people. He is awfully laid-back, responsible and caring and I the same. He had a rough childhood growing up, both parents liked to party and didn't really raise him but his grandmother did. Our relationship...words can't begin to describe. He would do everything for me anything I asked and it didn't stop until 2 days ago when he suddenly broke up with me out of nowhere. A day prior to that he came over and we watched movies together and cuddled. He doesn't have a reason as to why he broke up with me. He said I did nothing wrong to him or the relationship. He said he doesn't know why he feels the way he feels. He said there isn't anyone else (which I believe because all he does it work and go to school and be with me) I did nothing but love and support him. He said he knows I love him more than anything and I asked him why doesn't he want a woman that is there for him and loves him unconditionally and he has no answer. My family suggests that he is going through something. But I have no clue. I sent him a text message asking him to tell me he doesn't love me so that I can move on and leave him alone and he didn't respond. So I called him a day later after he got off work and asked him why he didn't respond to the text, he didn't give a reason. So I asked him over the phone, "So you don't love me anymore?" and he said "I don't love you anymore". I lost my mind. I really love him and care for him so much. He doesn't have people in his life that are supportive of him and I was his support system and he left me outta the blue. I then asked him "So you don't ever want to see me again?" and he said "Not for a few months." I don't understand him! If I did nothing wrong then what is it?
Tayla Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Firstly welcome to LS. Secondly unconditional love allots for the ability to let go of that loved one as well. Do this for now and know that you will have the answers in due time.
Author SunnyV Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 What do you think he problem is? If i did nothing wrong why would he leave me like that? I don't know how I'm going to get over this.
Tayla Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Without knowing the person , its impossible to *guess* even. I do know this, you are hurt and probably taken by surprise with his action to remove himself from the relations. Its not easy for you to understand and come to terms with when he is being dismissive of the matter in which he chose to leave.
Author SunnyV Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 could it be: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/ I think this is exactly what is going on. It's been 4 days since the breakup and I just want to move on now. I texted him and asked could I have my clothes and video games back and he has yet to answer me. Its really annoying because I know he wants to be done with this as soon as possible so why the delay.
scotch Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 maybe he doesnt want to see you because it hurts? maybe you can tell a friend to get them for you? to be honest im pretty confused too because i think im going through the same things as you right now. jus got dumped by the gf recently as well out of the blue. (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t276551/) but from everything i'v read on this site. i think no contact is the best solution.
Author SunnyV Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 Just got a text back from him. He said he will bring my stuff over wednesday. Don;t know how I will act when I see him. I think he's a straight up weirdo because he just left me outta nowhere. He's everything to me he could ask me to jump and I would tell him how high. I understand this G.I.G.S syndrome but come on dude be a man, a grown man and tell me how you feel. If he was so worried about being in a committed relationship why would you stick around for 4 years. Really?
Tayla Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Sunny, - Scotch's response can fit many dynamics of a breakup. Lets not "assume" its this supposed *syndrome*, without you actually getting the facts. Only he can tell you and of that you have to dig deep if he is being forthright when the time comes. I remain level headed that a realistic reasoning will come to surface. During the interium stay strong when need be and weep for that which has changed....
Author SunnyV Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years. We met while in high school. I was 16 and he was 18. Now we are 20 and he 22. Our relationship was excellent. He was my first and I was his. We aren't like average people. He is awfully laid-back, responsible and caring and I the same. He had a rough childhood growing up, both parents liked to party and didn't really raise him but his grandmother did. Our relationship...words can't begin to describe. He would do everything for me anything I asked and it didn't stop until 2 days ago when he suddenly broke up with me out of nowhere. A day prior to that he came over and we watched movies together and cuddled. He doesn't have a reason as to why he broke up with me. He said I did nothing wrong to him or the relationship. He said he doesn't know why he feels the way he feels. He said there isn't anyone else (which I believe because all he does it work and go to school and be with me) I did nothing but love and support him. He said he knows I love him more than anything and I asked him why doesn't he want a woman that is there for him and loves him unconditionally and he has no answer. My family suggests that he is going through something. But I have no clue. I sent him a text message asking him to tell me he doesn't love me so that I can move on and leave him alone and he didn't respond. So I called him a day later after he got off work and asked him why he didn't respond to the text, he didn't give a reason. So I asked him over the phone, "So you don't love me anymore?" and he said "I don't love you anymore". I lost my mind. I really love him and care for him so much. He doesn't have people in his life that are supportive of him and I was his support system and he left me outta the blue. I then asked him "So you don't ever want to see me again?" and he said "Not for a few months." I don't understand him! If I did nothing wrong then what is it? *Update* I am officially done with my ex. I called him tonight and got everything off my chest to him. To make a long story short he didn't have anything to say but other than I don't know. All he kept saying was he doesn't know. I asked him what is his definition of love and does he love anyone and he said he doesn't know. I also asked him why can't we just work things out and he said he doesn't know. So I'm through with him. He needs to find himself and I hope he realizes he lost a good woman here!
Author SunnyV Posted May 24, 2011 Author Posted May 24, 2011 *Update* My ex just dropped off my stuff I had at his house. I didn't see him, I didn't even know it was here until I looked onto the porch. Yes, that ******* just left my belongings on the porch. I FEEL like he never loved me. Who can do this to a person they loved and showed them so much love! I don't know how to feel. One side of me wants him to hurt like I am and the other side of me wants him to...idk.
Author SunnyV Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 *UPDATE* I spoke with my ex last night and he told me why he doesn't want our relationship. He said that he just wants to focus on himself and that he couldn't do that while in a relationship because I was always on his mind. I'm glad he finally told me his reason. I told him I still love him and that I am willing to wait for him until he figures things out. He told me he loves me but not enough to want to be in a relationship right now. He said he doesn't know when he will want to be in a relationship again and I told him when he figures that out he knows where to find me. He told me he doesn't want me to waste my time waiting for him and I told him its my time and I'll do what I want with it. I told him its not like imma be sitting by the phone waiting for him to call me. I just told him straight up that I'm going to focus on myself as well and when the time comes to begin again I will be willing. I'm happy he finally opened up and I hope he gets himself in order.
Zolie Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Your story really spoke to me. It's not much different from all of the other break ups, but something about yours makes me want to respond. he suddenly broke up with me out of nowhere. First, I want to mention that people rarely, if ever, break up “suddenly”. They don’t just wake up one morning and decide out of nowhere to end a long term relationship. Yes, it is sudden to the person begin dumped, but to the dumper, it has been brewing for a long time. For whatever reason, their feelings started to change. When this first started happening, they weren’t sure what it meant, or if it was how they would feel the next day, next week, etc. So, they went through the motions of being with you still. Hence the confusion to the person being dumped when this happens: A day prior to that he came over and we watched movies together and cuddled. He said there isn't anyone else (which I believe because all he does it work and go to school and be with me) Let me tread carefully here. I actually believe you, because I know without a doubt my husband is not seeing anyone else, and it annoys me when folks automatically jump to the conclusion that he is, when I mention he is neglecting me or being distant. I know his every move (not in a stalking way, lol) so I know what you mean when you say you know your boyfriend doesn’t have someone else because he is always at work, school, or with you. But think about that a minute. There are other people at his job and in his classes. Is there a chance he has met another girl at work or school? I know it hurts to think about that, sweetie, but it could very well explain why he broke it off with you for no specific reason. "So you don't love me anymore?" and he said "I don't love you anymore". I know that hurts to hear. But, believe him. He meant it when he said that. Whether the reason is another girl, or his feelings just changed, it happened and there is nothing you can do to make his feelings return. Try as we might, we can’t make people love us. *UPDATE*I spoke with my ex last night and he told me why he doesn't want our relationship. He said that he just wants to focus on himself and that he couldn't do that while in a relationship because I was always on his mind. I'm glad he finally told me his reason. He told me he loves me but not enough to want to be in a relationship right now. Again, treading lightly here, but I have to say it. Those particular statements usually means they are just trying to let you down easily. He told me he doesn't want me to waste my time waiting for him. This is another strong sign that he is finished. He might come around later if he realizes he does truly love you and misses you, but chances are he won’t. I know all of this sounds harsh, but I hate the thought of you holding on to hope when there might not be any. It’s natural and easier on our hearts and our egos to keep that hope alive, but the pain is still the same whether the truth is faced now or later. Keep us posted. And good luck.
Fedor Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Your story sounds similar to my situation. My ex gf broke up with me claiming she wasnt in love with me anymore but then comes back with things that want to make me hang on. From my perspective, your bf may have control issues over his life. You say he had a hard childhood and such? Maybe your relationship is the one thing he has true control over right now and that makes him feel better about the other problems in his life. Yes, its selfish but at the same time were being selfish by wanting to hang on to them. I'm still really hurt and bitter about my ex but I really hope your ex comes around.
Author SunnyV Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Yea Zolie I know for a fact he isn't seeing someone else. Being with a person non-stop for 4 years, you would know these types of things. I know my ex just came out of the blue wanting to have time to himself because speaking with his friends they told me it was a shock to them. Also within these last months I met his parents more and more. His behavior and the love I felt for him didn't falter at all. I would know if he didnt want the relationship anymore because I would *feel* it, my intuition would tell me. I know you and others may think I'm crazy for waiting for him, but that doesn't mean I'm going to just be sitting by the phone waiting for his call. I'm going to enjoy life, better myself and when or if he decides he wants to try again we can. For him to say he doesn't want me to hang around he just being honest. He feels like I would just wait for him and he doesn't know when he will stop feeling this way. But I'm going to wait for him, if he was so sure he wanted to end the relationship and never rekindle our love he could just flat out say I don't ever want to be in a relationship again and leave it at that. I hope and have faith that he will come around we're young and have things we want and need to do in our lives before we settle down and I respect him for telling me what he has been feeling.
Author SunnyV Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Your story sounds similar to my situation. My ex gf broke up with me claiming she wasnt in love with me anymore but then comes back with things that want to make me hang on. From my perspective, your bf may have control issues over his life. You say he had a hard childhood and such? Maybe your relationship is the one thing he has true control over right now and that makes him feel better about the other problems in his life. Yes, its selfish but at the same time were being selfish by wanting to hang on to them. I'm still really hurt and bitter about my ex but I really hope your ex comes around. He had a hard life growing up, we met when we were young 16 and 18. Up until he was 18 he had to work and pretty much take major responsibility at a young age and then I came along and because a responsibility to him as well. You can say he never had a chance to actually be him and decide what he wants and how he wants to do it. The convo we had last night he said that he only told me he didn't love me or wanted to see me again was because he thought it would be easier for me to get over him and we just laughed at his logic. But all in all I have faith he will get himself together and we can resume our love.
Zolie Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Yea Zolie I know for a fact he isn't seeing someone else. Being with a person non-stop for 4 years, you would know these types of things. I know my ex just came out of the blue wanting to have time to himself because speaking with his friends they told me it was a shock to them. Also within these last months I met his parents more and more. His behavior and the love I felt for him didn't falter at all. I would know if he didnt want the relationship anymore because I would *feel* it, my intuition would tell me. I know you and others may think I'm crazy for waiting for him, but that doesn't mean I'm going to just be sitting by the phone waiting for his call. I'm going to enjoy life, better myself and when or if he decides he wants to try again we can. For him to say he doesn't want me to hang around he just being honest. He feels like I would just wait for him and he doesn't know when he will stop feeling this way. But I'm going to wait for him, if he was so sure he wanted to end the relationship and never rekindle our love he could just flat out say I don't ever want to be in a relationship again and leave it at that. I hope and have faith that he will come around we're young and have things we want and need to do in our lives before we settle down and I respect him for telling me what he has been feeling. No, I don't think you are crazy at all. I just think this is all such a shock you haven't accepted the reality of the end yet. You are inserting hope to alleviate the pain. That's natural. And truth be told, it IS easier to accept the end of a relationship gradually, over several weeks/months, than to face it immediately. I guess that is nature's way of letting us absorb it all a little at a time. But, I will repeat my thought that when a person says they pretty much mean it. People don't say "I don't love you anymore" when they do still love someone. It's much more likely people say "I love you" when they don't mean it or feel it anymore. BUT, you know him and the situation better than anonymous people on the Internet, so you are doing the right thing to follow your own instincts. I could be completely wrong thinking he gone for good. You sound stable and grounded, so I think you will come out of this just fine, no matter which way it goes.
Zolie Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 I just thought of something. My husband and I just reconciled after a 6 year separation, so love CAN come back. In our case love came back (or never stopped) for both of us. When that happens people can and do get back together. So, you are correct to remain true to the love you still feel for him; if his love comes back too, you will be there ready to restart your lives together.
Zolie Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 I left out a phrase: But, I will repeat my thought that when a person says "I don't love you anymore" they pretty much mean it. People don't say "I don't love you anymore" when they do still love someone. It's much more likely people say "I love you" when they don't mean it or feel it anymore.
sinnister Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) Again, there's only 3 reasons people break up. In this case, he wants to apply his full energy to his career. Let him be with space for awhile and u grow yourself...if you don't let this get personal (be a man and stuff although he was mysterious at first) there is a good chance you might meet up later on in life. You keep growing, and don't wait for him to come back. Just know it was an incredible experience and he will remember you...your r/s seems a bit like marriage and he found he wasn't ready for that yet. He could be later on. You seem like a great catch, good person and stable, so you take some time to get over him, then explore for yourself. Good luck. N don't beat up urself about him not loving you....when the r/s wasn't about another person/cheating...with the duration, the person will always love you...they can just be tired of the r/s and in their confusion to sort of their feelings...say some stupid s--t like that. Don't take it personally, b/c he is lying. He will always have a special place for you, granted you didn't nag lots in the marriage r/s lol. You sound pretty loveable...just time for you to focus on urself n then another man will love you when time is right. Edited May 29, 2011 by sinnister
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