Sugarkane Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 I was pretty pissed off eariler this week. My co workers asked me yet again "so when are you going to have children?". I find this incredibly rude as they well know that I'm single. This why married people piss me off, they can't remember what it was like to be single. What are you supposed to say when people do this? I feel like going up to them and patting their belly and asking them when they're due, even though I know they're not single! I've confided in some of the co workers about my jerky exes. So its not like people don't know what has happened. Just because my co workers married young and had children young, it doesn't mean that I want too. Its like that saying you make plans and then god laughs at you. Its so true.
Author Sugarkane Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 I feel like being equally as rude to them. They're all older than me. Maybe I should ask them when are they going to have grandchildren? Make them feel really old!!!
Author Sugarkane Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 I also forgot. they always ask me when I'm going to have children. But mind you they never once have actually set me up with anyone either.
EgoJoe Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 That sucks. I'm posting here because I read in another thread "give me space" "i'm confused etc." = i'm screwing someone else. I just wanted to say that my own ego is lamblasting my self and that is very likely what is happening to you when they say those things. Because it's all projected integrity.
NicoleM Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 I always get when are you going to settle down and find a man?? I feel like saying well maybe if guys didn't treat me like dirt maybe I would have been married by now.
thehead Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Maybe they're doing it to get a rise out of you. A passive aggressive kind of thing.
Author Sugarkane Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 I always get when are you going to settle down and find a man?? I feel like saying well maybe if guys didn't treat me like dirt maybe I would have been married by now. Thanks I think I'll tell this next time.
Popondetta Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Yep, that is increadibly rude. Tell them you're unable to have children. That will make them shut up.
soulinpain Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 U shud b like. MYOB people.. It's very rude to be asking such questions. Next time just tell them that Are u guys jealous that I HAVE my own life without having to bother about my BF cheating on me, or my husband going out with my own best friend or my kid throwing tantrums at me.. Tell them its MY life.. I wl make changes when I think is appropriate!!! I m pretty sure they will zip their lips then..
Tayla Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 WOW! 24 and this bothers you? You got a long road ahead of you....
nessaaa Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 I have an aunt like that, telling me to find someone already so that a could bulid a foundation with them and get married because I dont want to be thirty and single with no kids blah blah, I dont even know what she's talking about...im not concerned about that Im in my early 20's...
sun_moon Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 being married and having children does not equal a happy equation. If its the wrong partner then no... Look, I'm 29 and I just started feeling this way, like OMG, I'm old and single...man 24/25 i was not thinking about children... dont even give it a second thought
Author Sugarkane Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 being married and having children does not equal a happy equation. If its the wrong partner then no... Look, I'm 29 and I just started feeling this way, like OMG, I'm old and single...man 24/25 i was not thinking about children... dont even give it a second thought Its hard not too. All my co workers had children very young, so they thinks that normal and thats what everyone still does. They like to tease me about it. They don'tseem to understand that its not the 1950s anymore, everybody doesn't get married by 25 anymore. Plus you've got the media, who repeatidly go on and on about not leaving it too late to have children. That people should be thinking about it when they're in the 20s. The problem is guys biological clocks last longer than ours and don't even think about having children in their 20s.
homebrew Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) Its hard not too. All my co workers had children very young, so they thinks that normal and thats what everyone still does. They like to tease me about it. They don'tseem to understand that its not the 1950s anymore, everybody doesn't get married by 25 anymore. Plus you've got the media, who repeatidly go on and on about not leaving it too late to have children. That people should be thinking about it when they're in the 20s. The problem is guys biological clocks last longer than ours and don't even think about having children in their 20s. For starters... Who cares what other people think or say? People can't hurt your feelings unless you give them permission. The only reason this bothers you when they ask a simply silly question is because... you think, "they" think there is something wrong with you. Bottom line... You think there is something wrong with you, you think you are not worthy of a man that wants to marry you, much less have kids with you, etc. 99% of the time when they ask that question... THEY ARE COMPLIMENTING YOU! Because they think you are attractive, desirable, get lots of attention and are sought after by worthy good guys, someone would be lucky to have you, you would be a great wife and mother, etc. Good Grief! I can't believe there is a whole thread with this many posts about this stupid and silly question that people ask which is meant as a compliment. The fact that several other bitter and in-secure women agree with you that is rude... astounds me! Guys want and desire women that are fun, happy, confident, don't take everything so serious, can laugh at themselves and others, that have a sense of humor, are not easy to anger, etc. If a question like this BOTHERS you... There isn't a man on the planet that is going to be happy with you! God forbid if he tells you he doesn't like your cooking, some of your friends, some of the TV shows you watch, some of the music you like, a book you read, etc. His life would be over because it would send you into a tailspin. You need to find your identity, improve your own self-worth, boost your self-esteem and see yourself the way the people that are asking you this question (which is really a very nice compliment) do. Edited May 22, 2011 by homebrew
homebrew Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) Dated women just like the poster above.... and I would dump her too! Just like all the other men that get to know her do. She get's her feelings hurt and thinks it is rude for someone to ask her when she is going to start having children! Even though it is a question that is meant as a compliment! Women that are offended by such a stupid and silly question do realize that THEY are the problem... They think we are the problem. Below is a Quote from the movie Wolf that I think best describes them: You know, I think I understand what you're like now. You're very beautiful and you think men are only interested in you because you're beautiful, but you want them to be interested in you because you're you. The problem is, aside from all that beauty, you're not very interesting. You're rude, you're hostile, you're sullen, you're withdrawn. I know you want someone to look past all that at the real person underneath but the only reason anyone would bother to look past all that is because you're beautful. Ironic, isn't it? In an odd way you're your own problem. Like I said earlier in the the thread... If a question like this BOTHERS you... There isn't a man on the planet that is going to be happy with you! God forbid if he tells you he doesn't like your cooking, some of your friends, some of the TV shows you watch, some of the music you like, a book you read, etc. His life would be over because it would send you into a tailspin for who knows how long. Plus it is something you would hold over him... FOREVER! Who wants to walk on Eggshells? Not me! You need to find your identity, improve your own self-worth, boost your self-esteem and see yourself the way the people that are asking you this question (which is really a very nice compliment) do. Edited May 22, 2011 by homebrew
Author Sugarkane Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Dated women just like the poster above.... and I would dump her too! Just like all the other men that get to know her do. She get's her feelings hurt and thinks it is rude for someone to ask her when she is going to start having children! Even though it is a question that is meant as a compliment! Women that are offended by such a stupid and silly question do realize that THEY are the problem... They think we are the problem. Below is a Quote from the movie Wolf that I think best describes them: You know, I think I understand what you're like now. You're very beautiful and you think men are only interested in you because you're beautiful, but you want them to be interested in you because you're you. The problem is, aside from all that beauty, you're not very interesting. You're rude, you're hostile, you're sullen, you're withdrawn. I know you want someone to look past all that at the real person underneath but the only reason anyone would bother to look past all that is because you're beautful. Ironic, isn't it? In an odd way you're your own problem. Like I said earlier in the the thread... If a question like this BOTHERS you... There isn't a man on the planet that is going to be happy with you! God forbid if he tells you he doesn't like your cooking, some of your friends, some of the TV shows you watch, some of the music you like, a book you read, etc. His life would be over because it would send you into a tailspin for who knows how long. Plus it is something you would hold over him... FOREVER! Who wants to walk on Eggshells? Not me! You need to find your identity, improve your own self-worth, boost your self-esteem and see yourself the way the people that are asking you this question (which is really a very nice compliment) do. You don't understand what its like, as your not a woman. Trust me Homebrew, my identity doesn't depend on a man! never did and never will. This isn't the first time I've been single, probably won't be the last. If a man didn't like something I did, I wouldn't start crying thats for sure! It wouldn't send me into a tailspin, I'm a grown woman not a child. I grew up in a bad area, it takes more than that to make me upset and cry! You're jumping to conclusions about me. You don't even know me at all. you jumping to conclusions that I'm boring and don't have a life make me laugh! I wasn't upset or even crying over these co workers. I'm a big girl. Its just annoying thats all. I had one of the most worse breakups on here. My ex probably had GIGS. He dumped and insulted me by text and told me to get F*****. All out of the blue and blamed me for everything. He then told lies and poisoned everyone against me. Maybe you should ACTUALLY read my post before jumping to conclusions? www.loveshack.org/forums/t261358 I did everything right, even though I was dumped in the most callous way. I never begged, pleaded or contacted my ex even ONCE. How many people can say they NEVER contacted their ex on here? I don't need my ex. Trust me, I'd rather be single than in a bad relationship any day. Stop jumping to conclusions Homebrew.
Author Sugarkane Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 You're just another person here that attacks people, without reading the whole story. From reading your other posts, I thought you were alot smarter than that. I guess I was wrong?
Author Sugarkane Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 You know, I think I understand what you're like now. You're very beautiful and you think men are only interested in you because you're beautiful, but you want them to be interested in you because you're you. The problem is, aside from all that beauty, you're not very interesting. You're rude, you're hostile, you're sullen, you're withdrawn. I know you want someone to look past all that at the real person underneath but the only reason anyone would bother to look past all that is because you're beautful. Ironic, isn't it? In an odd way you're your own problem. Jumping to conclusions again. There is more to me than just the outside! I grew up in a bad area. There is high unemployment and a higher crime rate. I know alot of people that didn't even finish high school. I did though. I was always good at school and was a grade A student. I know people my age that got envolved with drugs and didn't finish school because they fell pregnant. I know girls that became strippers. I didn't do these things. I'm well read, which is unusual these days. Where I'm from reading isn't cool. I've also been overseas twice already. I've been to Bali and Thailand. I love travelling and I want to do more. I've been to all states in Australia, except for 2 of them. Maybe you shouldn't jump to conclusions Homebrew?
homebrew Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Maybe you shouldn't jump to conclusions Homebrew? I was responding to your post... When people ask you the following... "When do you plan on having kids?" You said it annoys you. Does it annoy anyone else? My very first sentence and response to your question above was... For starters... Who cares what other people think or say? People can't hurt your feelings unless you give them permission. If you apply that principle... Who cares what I think or wrote... If your co-workers asking you that question annoys or is offensive to you... so be it. You have three choices then: 1. Simply ask them to stop. 2. Get over it. 3. Change jobs. Do whatever you feel is best. But you proved my point by getting all defensive and wacking out on me based on what I wrote: I did not mention your upbringing, your Ex, your break up, your ability to read or not, if you traveled to other countries or not, growing up in a bad neighborhood, you cannot be without a man, you can't being alone, etc. I was trying to assist you from a male point of view... You can defend yourself and bash me all you want... The fact is, if a stupid and silly question about you having kids can causes you that much grief and misery... There is a DEEPER issue there that you need to take a look at. Let's be honest... You are going through a traumatic break up! You are correct.... nobody is perfect and in complete control of their emotions and feelings. Certainty not me! I am trying to help... Based on your posts just in this thread alone (and not counting the other threads)... Although you are not able to see it... It's plain to me that you have a lot of anger, disappointment, sadness, hurt, resentment, bitterness, etc. inside of you. My hope is that you work through all of that... I have known and dated several women that held on to that. They became EXTREMELY sensitive, bitter and angry at the world. They were miserable people and miserable to be around, much less date. I do not want to see that happen to you! I have a good idea of where you are and I can imagine how you feel. I have been there myself, many times. Just keeping fighting through it is all I am trying to say... Don't give up!
sabienne Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 homebrew, that's all well and good from a male point of view and I understand entirely how men would consider that question a compliment. It makes perfect sense. Don't you find it a coincidence though that all women think it's rude? Why do we think it's rude? Because we know when a woman asks it shes being a passive aggressive b****. It's like my pet hate question "why are you still single?". When a man asks it, he's saying he thinks you're a catch. When a woman asks it, shes pointing out the fact you're single in a public forum to make you feel like crap. She's a b****. Thats a womans pov. As for you sugarkane, respond with "when I find a man worth fathering my children...do you have anyone in mind? No? Then stop asking"
homebrew Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) homebrew, that's all well and good from a male point of view and I understand entirely how men would consider that question a compliment. It makes perfect sense. Don't you find it a coincidence though that all women think it's rude? Why do we think it's rude? Because we know when a woman asks it shes being a passive aggressive b****. It's like my pet hate question "why are you still single?". When a man asks it, he's saying he thinks you're a catch. When a woman asks it, shes pointing out the fact you're single in a public forum to make you feel like crap. She's a b****. Thats a womans pov. As for you sugarkane, respond with "when I find a man worth fathering my children...do you have anyone in mind? No? Then stop asking" I had no idea that my 76 year old Grandmother and other young women I know who ask this question to women they think are adorable are really doing it to feel better about themselves somehow or out of jealously or some other twisted reason... What guy is going to want a women that has this view of the world! We are not stupid, we know that you are going to take that view with us too! Your BF and Husband is going to let you down, disappoint you and will even hurt your feelings. Your approach, attitude and solution is to punish him... to hurt him even! You think a man is going to sign up for that? Good luck attracting or keeping a man for very long! I throw up my hands... Edited May 22, 2011 by homebrew
Author Sugarkane Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 homebrew, that's all well and good from a male point of view and I understand entirely how men would consider that question a compliment. It makes perfect sense. Don't you find it a coincidence though that all women think it's rude? Why do we think it's rude? Because we know when a woman asks it shes being a passive aggressive b****. It's like my pet hate question "why are you still single?". When a man asks it, he's saying he thinks you're a catch. When a woman asks it, shes pointing out the fact you're single in a public forum to make you feel like crap. She's a b****. Thats a womans pov. As for you sugarkane, respond with "when I find a man worth fathering my children...do you have anyone in mind? No? Then stop asking" Thanks Sabienne thats what I was trying to get at!!! They also say the "why are you still single?" question alot too. I'm glad someone gets what I was trying to say.
nana841121 Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Let me share some current affair in china with you Take me for example, i am 27 years old single woman. The most common question i get from people is "when will you get married?" and once you get married, when will you have baby? my ex, who is 26 years old, wanted to marry me even though he did not love me, just because of the age pressure.
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