Lilmisus Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Even though I was given the option to just work last Friday, or finish out this week, I told my managers that I wanted to just put my two weeks in, and work next week as well. They told me that that would be better, and so I didn't expect it when I found out that I wasn't on the schedule for next week at all. It was a shock to me and pulled at my heart strings. I told most of my coworkers that tonight was my last night, and it surprised me just how many people (including my manager) were sad to have me leave and how many people were giving me hugs saying that they'll miss me. But the hardest part was talking to my ex. Something that I haven't really done it almost a month since I've been trying NC best I could. He has been looking at me and has made it obvious a few times that he wanted to talk to me, especially tonight, but I've been resisting the urge. That is, until tonight when I walked up to him and asked "Hey, can you do me a favor? Can I talk to you tonight before you leave? Nothing big" and smiled and walked away, to which he said sure. A few times after that he kept looking at me, expecting me to say something, and smiled a couple of times, and I just told him an hour later that I'd talk to him after I was done with something, to which he said okay. When I talked to him, I told him to follow me to the front, and he did. And when we got up there he walked up to the door, looked outside and asked "You're leaving?" and I told him that I just got off, but yea. I asked if he heard about what was going on with me, and he asked again if I was leaving, to which I said yea, that I got the new job serving at my new job. I explained to him that the reason I was leaving was because they wouldn't allow me to serve at our job yet and that my managers said that if I serve at the other job for a summer, then I can come back in the fall or next year to serve. I told him that he wasn't the reason that I was leaving, but he will be the reason if I come back. I told him that we obviously aren't friends right now and we can't be with how things are. But if I come back, then that will mean that I'm willing to try to put things behind me and be friends (though he cut me off and said to have a coworker relationship, but I one upped it ). I told him that I would come in on Wednesday for my paycheck and even though he works that day, to not expect to see me then or this fall, but to know what it meant if he does see me later on this year or next. We wished each other well, and he said that he hoped I made a lot of money there, and then he said that he had to get back to work, and we said bye. During the entire conversation though, he kept looking down and was leaning his body forward, against the door next to me, and would smile at certain parts (like how we couldn't be friends and all that) but never made eye contact with me. He only gave me his profile the entire time. His face was red though, and I could tell that he was trying to keep himself together, even though it wasn't hard for me to do at all. But after I left him, I went and got hugs from a few more people then left. I was fine at first, but then I just started crying a little bit..which turned into crying like a baby I have yet to stop, and it sucks because right now it feels like we broke up all over again. Just knowing that I wont see him every other day anymore, and I got so used to that for almost 1.5 years, and I haven't been able to imagine a life without him since right after we met. It's just hard to imagine the next few months of my life (at least) without seeing him all the time..something that I enjoyed doing. Going full NC just hurts a lot right now..though I know without a doubt that this is the absolutely best thing for me. It just hurts leaving him and leaving the people who I consider to be family to me who I've grown close to for three years. Just gotta keep my eyes set on the prize now and hope that I get through NC without going absolutely crazy...
Desensitized Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Even though I was given the option to just work last Friday, or finish out this week, I told my managers that I wanted to just put my two weeks in, and work next week as well. They told me that that would be better, and so I didn't expect it when I found out that I wasn't on the schedule for next week at all. It was a shock to me and pulled at my heart strings. I told most of my coworkers that tonight was my last night, and it surprised me just how many people (including my manager) were sad to have me leave and how many people were giving me hugs saying that they'll miss me. But the hardest part was talking to my ex. Something that I haven't really done it almost a month since I've been trying NC best I could. He has been looking at me and has made it obvious a few times that he wanted to talk to me, especially tonight, but I've been resisting the urge. That is, until tonight when I walked up to him and asked "Hey, can you do me a favor? Can I talk to you tonight before you leave? Nothing big" and smiled and walked away, to which he said sure. A few times after that he kept looking at me, expecting me to say something, and smiled a couple of times, and I just told him an hour later that I'd talk to him after I was done with something, to which he said okay. When I talked to him, I told him to follow me to the front, and he did. And when we got up there he walked up to the door, looked outside and asked "You're leaving?" and I told him that I just got off, but yea. I asked if he heard about what was going on with me, and he asked again if I was leaving, to which I said yea, that I got the new job serving at my new job. I explained to him that the reason I was leaving was because they wouldn't allow me to serve at our job yet and that my managers said that if I serve at the other job for a summer, then I can come back in the fall or next year to serve. I told him that he wasn't the reason that I was leaving, but he will be the reason if I come back. I told him that we obviously aren't friends right now and we can't be with how things are. But if I come back, then that will mean that I'm willing to try to put things behind me and be friends (though he cut me off and said to have a coworker relationship, but I one upped it ). I told him that I would come in on Wednesday for my paycheck and even though he works that day, to not expect to see me then or this fall, but to know what it meant if he does see me later on this year or next. We wished each other well, and he said that he hoped I made a lot of money there, and then he said that he had to get back to work, and we said bye. During the entire conversation though, he kept looking down and was leaning his body forward, against the door next to me, and would smile at certain parts (like how we couldn't be friends and all that) but never made eye contact with me. He only gave me his profile the entire time. His face was red though, and I could tell that he was trying to keep himself together, even though it wasn't hard for me to do at all. But after I left him, I went and got hugs from a few more people then left. I was fine at first, but then I just started crying a little bit..which turned into crying like a baby I have yet to stop, and it sucks because right now it feels like we broke up all over again. Just knowing that I wont see him every other day anymore, and I got so used to that for almost 1.5 years, and I haven't been able to imagine a life without him since right after we met. It's just hard to imagine the next few months of my life (at least) without seeing him all the time..something that I enjoyed doing. Going full NC just hurts a lot right now..though I know without a doubt that this is the absolutely best thing for me. It just hurts leaving him and leaving the people who I consider to be family to me who I've grown close to for three years. Just gotta keep my eyes set on the prize now and hope that I get through NC without going absolutely crazy... Well, you reopened the wound and now it's bleeding... but I suppose you had to say goodbye, considering you won't see him for a while. Saying goodbye is always hard, I had to do that a couple of weeks back - I was also a wreck but you'll get through it.
Author Lilmisus Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 Well, you reopened the wound and now it's bleeding... but I suppose you had to say goodbye, considering you won't see him for a while. Saying goodbye is always hard, I had to do that a couple of weeks back - I was also a wreck but you'll get through it. Oh, I know I just think that it hurts really badly now (though I'm no longer crying, yay!) because it's really, really difficult to think about not having him around anymore. Being so used to just having a person there every other day, and then not having them there..just..sucks. Even if we didn't speak anymore. It feels like he's gone..though I'm sure it'll be somewhat worse for him since he'll still be there and we had quite a few memories there, and he didn't seem to take the goodbye too well (I've never seen him turn so red or act like that..). I just wish I didn't have to quit the job that I loved being at in order to move on with my life. Number one reason as to why you shouldn't date a coworker! This sucks..but I will get through it like you said I really hope that it will be for the best though and that I don't end up regretting it...
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