ilovedhim Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Need everyone's advice. How do I maintain NC? What do I say to keep him away without really hurting his feelings? We're bad for eachother. He's hurt me in the past. I have been NC now for 5 weeks with the exception of a meetup 2 weeks ago. I came out of it knowing for sure I do NOT want a relationship with him ever again. The problem is he keeps breaking NC. Telling me he misses me, how special I am to him, how I make him feel. He probably believes this is how he feels. But I never felt what he is saying. This was one of the reasons I broke it off. Ignoring isn't an option because he calls on my work phone and I wouldn't ignore anyway, it's rude and wouldn't want it done to me. Was thinking of telling him we take a step back and become friends, since we never really were and just see what happens. This way we're in eachothers lives. What do you think? What other options do I have? I'm seeing someone now, it's going well. And I don't want to ruin it.
ShatteredReality Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 If you're seeing someone else tell him that. Tell him you would value having his friendship, but that you think right now you both need to sort through your emotions a bit and heal...then perhaps you can pick up as friends in awhile and see how that works out for you....being honest with him will be far less painful than hedging around and not giving him all the information.
Trovador Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Tell him tactfully the truth, that you are seeing someone else. I know for sure that if my ex told me something like that I'd walk away immediately. Maybe that's what he needs to stop contacting you. The friendship thingy prolly won't work, because both of you have feelings invested and although real friends don't fight, friendly exes do it all the time and in the worst of cases you two will get involved again in a shaky, unreal relationship... My ex and I broke NC all the time, but I'm sure if one of us see or knew the other is seeing another person, that would be the end of it, even if we really miss each other and would hurt as hell, but at this point in our history one more, final hurt, doesn't matter too much...
bonpaw2008 Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I am not sure why you are worried about his feelings. This is about what is best for you, and you know what that is now. You need to focus on you and your new friend. My ex used to text me every Monday, just trying to keep the hook in me and give me false hope. I told him I needed him to leave me alone, if he ever cared about me he would respect my wishes but he wouldn't stop. I blocked him from my phone, he tried to bypass by using other friend's phones, etc. If he would have put that much effort into actually having a relationship with me we would probably still be together. It is selfish for him to not respect your wishes if you have told him not to contact you. Don't feel bad about it, because that is what he is trying to do, make you feel guilty.
Lilmisus Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Calling your work phone? Seriously? That's pushing too many boundaries and you need to kindly tell him that. Tell him that you know that he means well but that he can't be calling your work phone for ya, since that could potentially risk your job (even if it wouldn't effect it). But you could try asking him to be friends if you think that will solve the problems, but I honestly don't think it will. He seems desperate to get you back, and that will probably be too much of an encouragement for him, make him think that he's one step closer to getting you back. I think your best bet will be to tell him that you appreciate him as a person, but that you have moved on already and are seeing someone else, and that you think he should do the same. Tell him that you hope that someday in the future you would like to try to be friends maybe, but right now, you need your space, and that he needs to respect that.
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