justagirrl Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I can tell you're not into me anymore & it hurts, but things take time and I'll heal eventually. I can't lie, I fell for you...personality and everything. I'm afraid that I'm gonna get myself hurt eventually. You wanna be just friends and still hook up...it's summer and you could meet someone that you like and have to end things with me =/ I'm scared of being hurt because I got cheated on in the one relationship I've ever been in...& from that point on I gave no one a chance & you were the first person I started dating after that. Remember how you kept asking to hangout when we first started talking? The first few times, I found excuses because I didn't want to get myself into anything, but I gave in eventually and I'm happy I did. It may be hard for me right away, but I will always be your friend, and I'll always be here for you. ~I almost sent this to him last night. We were texting and I was like "wanna come over and watch a movie?" It was raining and neither of us were doing anything...he was like "I don't know lol I'm really tired, I didn't get any sleep last night." So I was like "Oh ok, no prob. I'm off tomorrow night and haven't made any plans...we can do something if you want?" no response. I'm an idiot. And I just need to be done. I was laying in bed writing this on my blackberry for like 2 hours contemplating if I should send it or not. I just want him to know how hard it is for me and that I need to let him go. And I don't want to initiate that by just going NC
geegirl Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 (edited) Don't send it to him, please. If you really can't go NC without some sort of notice to him, keep it short and sweet. "Mr. XXX, I'm sorry but I need to detach myself from this situation as it's become somewhat emotional for me. Please respect my wishes." Then you go NC and stick to it. That is only if you are done with this. You don't tell him your life's drama. You don't make it emotional. You are looking at this note from your emotional hurt and expecting the same reaction or emotion from him. He is going to look at this as ramblings of an emotional woman because he's not invested in you. Oh, I will always be your friend eventhough you make me feel like crap everytime I am in contact with you. I can safely say that he can feel your desperation. Please stop. You're trying to force this 20 different ways. I don't want friends that make me feel like crap. He didn't want to come over and see a movie with you. He didn't respond to you asking about doing something today. If you are going to keep in contact with him, stop inviting him to see you. It's a turn off especially when the man is not showing interest. You initiate NC because you want to completely remove yourself from a painful situation. No need to explain. You are not even in a relationship. You shouldn't allow yourself to be a doormat. Edited May 20, 2011 by geegirl
ShoeGurl1973 Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 ABSOLUTELY NOT. The writing is on the wall with his response to you askign him to come over. Even if he couldn't come when you wanted, he could have replied "I can't tonite but how about such and such night". Don't beg and make yourself look pitiful and week. You need to walk away. There is more power in NC than anything you are going to say to him in writing. Speaking from somene who ended a releatonship with my fiance a long time ago, when the dumpee keeps hounding you with texts and emails, it makes you withdraw even more. Only when it seemed that my ex was gone and I could breathe a sigh of relief, collect my thoughts, assess my feelings, etc, could I feel comfortable figuring out what I wanted and pick up the phone. When I did, it was too late and he had moved on. If he had given me a month of silence, I could have gotten myself together quicker and maybe we would be together now, but he literally hounded me for a year and I could never clearly see what it would be like without him. Sometimes its not all about the DUMPEE and what their shortcomings are. Sometimes you come to a pivotal point where you need to figure out what you want and where things are going. It sucks, I agree, I have been on the receiving end as well. But in my opinion, silence is best. Let him come to you. I assure you if you do this, he will come.
Author justagirrl Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 ABSOLUTELY NOT. The writing is on the wall with his response to you askign him to come over. Even if he couldn't come when you wanted, he could have replied "I can't tonite but how about such and such night". Don't beg and make yourself look pitiful and week. You need to walk away. There is more power in NC than anything you are going to say to him in writing. Speaking from somene who ended a releatonship with my fiance a long time ago, when the dumpee keeps hounding you with texts and emails, it makes you withdraw even more. Only when it seemed that my ex was gone and I could breathe a sigh of relief, collect my thoughts, assess my feelings, etc, could I feel comfortable figuring out what I wanted and pick up the phone. When I did, it was too late and he had moved on. If he had given me a month of silence, I could have gotten myself together quicker and maybe we would be together now, but he literally hounded me for a year and I could never clearly see what it would be like without him. Sometimes its not all about the DUMPEE and what their shortcomings are. Sometimes you come to a pivotal point where you need to figure out what you want and where things are going. It sucks, I agree, I have been on the receiving end as well. But in my opinion, silence is best. Let him come to you. I assure you if you do this, he will come. Do you think I should send the short message geegirl suggested? or just start NC? I'd rather him know where my head's at and then just stop talking to him...at least he will know why
radiodarcy Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 nope. i wrote a similar email to my ex and all it did was re-inforce that i would be there for him to string me along no matter what. if you don't want to go NC without telling him keep it short and to the point as gee girl suggested. just explain that it's too hard for you to maintain contact with him under the circumstances and that your going NC. don't say anything about always being there for him or always being his friend or go into a long song and dance as to why. at this rate it doesnt sounds like he's going to care either way. and whatever you do don't respond to anything he might say once you say that. you will have said it all in that final email. good luck.
geegirl Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 (edited) Do you think I should send the short message geegirl suggested? or just start NC? I'd rather him know where my head's at and then just stop talking to him...at least he will know why He does not care where your head is at. He will know why you are on NC. He's not stupid. If you go on NC and be silent, I'm sure he'll get itchy and at some point come to bother you. You have to be strong to IGNORE and keep moving. The only reason why I told you to send a short note is so he knows the deal and if he contacts you, you know you don't owe him anything and you won't put yourself into the "Oh, I'm rude, I want to tell him why, he will think I am mean" bucket. Those thoughts will derail you. Don't treat NC as emotional blackmail because it will only backfire on you. Your choice. You or him. Stop Justagirl. You're placing too much importance on this man's feelings rather than how broken you have become by him. He does not care. And please, find your pride and dignity. Edited May 20, 2011 by geegirl
Bluebelle38 Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Please don't send it - it reeks of desperation. You put it out there to meet up and how did he react? He ignored you. Send it and you will look desperate and he will get off on it. You should not have to beg someone to meet you or be with you. I know how much it hurts, but the sooner you accept his feelings are not as strong as yours, the better. It's tough, so tough, I know. Don't send it, hold on to the power and work on filling your life so he becomes a distant memory
AmericanHoney Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Everyone is right. Do not send it to him move on it might be hard but trust me it is for the best.
TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Ask yourself - "how far from my dignity am I prepared to go, before I realise what an idiot I'm being....?" If you value your dignity (and really, you should), then you should be able to laugh at your own folly and "rip it up".
sun_moon Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Instructions for JustaGirrl: 1. Itch to talk to him? take your crackberry and throw it across the room. 2. Take a pen and paper and write, because with this antiquated system there is no threat of a send button in half a second. 3. write. 4. write. 5. write. 6. keep. 7. repeat until satisfied or numb. 8. If there is a way to block yourself from dialing him and texting him, you should do it. 9. Find a HOBBY and stick to it. 10. He doesnt give a care about your feelings and I'm really sorry you have to read this, better from us than him. Ok if none of these posts are getting through to you, I want you to imagine this. Douchbag opens message, smiles, and laughs at your desperation and then shares it with the rest of his douchbag friends to point and laugh at you. Disrepect you, call you stupid broad, just an easy dumb lay, doormat....Need I go on or anyone else? WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU FRIENDS? Justagirrl, STOP, you will be fine. 10 thousand posts ago, you vowed over and over for NC, stick to it. Manipulating your way into someones time or emotions (even if it may work temporarily sometimes) is not the answer because it is not genuine. go read a book
D-Lish Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Do not send him that text....Please. Don't hand that kind of power over to someone. The way you worded it reeked of desperation. I wouldn't give him anything at all. I know you can feel things unravelling and you just want to do anything you can to ignite things- but your best course of action is SILENCE.
mickeyp Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 (edited) Dont send anything, you will just get your emotions played with like a yo yo. ive just been through a similar thing, and some people get off on putting you on an immotional rollercoaster. i know i was on it for a whille pleading, begging, wanting to know why etc then she would come over telling me her undying love, then were never to talk to each other again up down up down but they just love doing it to people to make them hurt more. eg i had to drop off a birthday present for my exs daughter, text her let her know i was dropping it off, she told me i couldnt stay she had to go shopping, thats cool doing dinner anyway, as soon as she heard that, out came a bootle of wine, bit off chit chat, why dont you stay for dinner were having thai?? acting like nothng had changed, sucked me right in, then foolishily i started talking about us, what she meant to me and how the last 4 weeks have been hell, wow she changed then were not getting back, you have to stop this ???? MENTAL! good job i did have dinner elswhere! go NC trust me it took me a few weeks, to get my head around it. but its the best, if you want them back it will make them wonder and chase you and hey if you hear nothing back, screw em there not worthy Edited May 21, 2011 by mickeyp
kaycstamper Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Do NOT send it to him! Do not invite him over. Do not humiliate yourself. Go totally NC, block him on FB, do not read texts or text him, no emails, no calls, nothing. To you he has to not exist. Do keep busy, focus on yourself, bettering yourself, now is the time to work on weight, working out, taking a class, enjoying yourself. If he ever runs into you months from now, present a happy well put together person so he can eat his heart out. Do NOT sound desperate or needy!
MissMoni Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Reading these posts were helpful to me...this thread reminds reminds me that I need to have respect for myself! It is hard because I do tend to blame myself (as most dumpees) but we are better than this guys! We have more power over our situations than we think we do. I agree with the other posters, late as I might be. Don't send that email, it is not worth it.
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