Tetida Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 We were dating for two years. We broke up six months ago and I still feel like it was only yesterday. Our relationship was turbulent. On one hand it was very passionate. We loved each other sooooo much (at least I know I did). On the other hand we couldn't agree on certain things and we fought a lot. Major problem for me was that I always felt like I was the last priority for him. His job, his friends and his family always came first, and even though he kept telling me that he loves me, his actions would always tell me a different story. And the more I complained about it, the more he pushed away from me. That eventually destroyed our relationship. And now, even though, deep in my heart, I know that this break up was the right thing for both of us I can't stop loving him I can' bear the thought of not having him by my side anymore. Two months after the break up and no contact from him, and after talking to his sister who told me that he still loves me, I make the first move (and my first mistake ) and I go to his place to try and talk to him with no success. But even then I didn't give up. I make my second mistake and text him a couple of times after that "meeting". He would always answer, but he would never pick up the phone to call or text me first, never asked me how I was doing. He asked other people how I was, but never asked me. And that is when I realised that it was over, that he is not coming back to me. That even though his sister told me he still loves me, even though he still isn't dating anybody else, even though he still hasn't erased our photos from Facebook (even after I untagged myself from them), he is never coming back to me because of his stubborn man EGO. I stop calling, stop texting, I started avoiding all the places where I could run into him, and I begin getting over the break up. The hard part is that we live in a very, very small city, where everybody knows everybody. So firstly, even though I don't ask about him, I hear about him and his whereabouts from other people almost every other day. Secondly, I'm 29. Most of my friends are already married. Our mutual friends were actually all of his friends, so after the brake up they slowly distanced themselves from me. I passed them today. They were ALL sitting at a café. They just put on the fake smiles and said a bleak hello to me. I felt like a black sheep. I can't call my girlfriends and cry on their shoulders anymore. Most of them are married, have children and their own problems and lives. The two single ones are either occupied with their master’s degree or their jobs, and I feel sooooo alone. Plus I still love him MADLY. And it soooooo hard to move on in such an environment. Especially when you have your family and your coworkers tell you how you're OLD and should have been married by now. I stared taking yoga classes. I'm reading inspirational books. I'm writing a journal, trying to piece myself together. I'm taking walks alone, trying to get used to being alone now, but when the harsh reality of everything I mentioned above hits me, it becomes so hard to see the light at the end of a tunnel. I feel as if I am never going to pull myself out of this state, as if I am never going to be able to get over him. I can't stop crying and I'm becoming helpless. Please, if anybody can give me some advice or just a nice word I would really appreciate it.
turokturok5 Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 I can relate to the whole being the last priority thing, complaining about it and eventually getting dumped and the fact that my ex hasn't contacted me at all to ask how i am but has been asking friends how i am and apparently talked about me quite a bit to my best mate early on. And right now i feel the exact same as you do. I guess the thing is, if they can forget about us so easily and not even bother contancting us at all and although still have feelings for us not do anything about it, then we were originally right - that we weren't one of their top priorities and we were pretty much wasting our time on somebody who wasn't willing to committ as much as we were. Im still hurting too and i can't really picture myself with anyone else right now...but i guess it's a good thing in a way that now we can try find someone who actually wants to be with us. Don't beat yourself up for complaining about the priority thing, i did it for a while but you can't change the past. Back then it was a really big deal to you, so you were right to complain about it, it just means that this wasn't the right person for you.
Author Tetida Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 I guess the thing is, if they can forget about us so easily and not even bother contancting us at all and although still have feelings for us not do anything about it, then we were originally right - that we weren't one of their top priorities and we were pretty much wasting our time on somebody who wasn't willing to committ as much as we were. Well said turokturok5! You are soooooo right, I keep forgetting the very thing that tore us apart. Thanks for reminding me! It's that silly little part of me that keeps hoping he changed and that he learned something from this break up, but unfortunately his not calling me is actually telling me that he hasn't. But like I said it is hard to move on when you are constantly surrounded by the things that remind me of him. And his friends, ohhhh… we used to go out together with them all the time, went on vacations, visited each other, and now they are acting as if I had never been a part of their friendship and their lives!! So it’s a double loss for me, not only did I lose a boyfriend but I also lost friends. I guess I realized all too late that they were never my friends, they were always his friends. None the less, it’s really painful. Now that you told me you were in the same situation, more or less, it makes me feel a bit better knowing that I am not alone. It is really painful trying to forget someone you love with all your heart. I am trying really hard and I just hope, that soon I will be over this and that I will meet someone new, and I wish the same for you! The Heartbroke Kid: Thanks!
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