orion1010 Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Last night my friend 'kelly' and I met her fiance out for a beer after we got done with work. Her fiance is in a baseball team and the team goes to the same bar every week after the game for drinks. I would join them last year as well. this is how i first met jake. that guy jake and i had 4 dates with was there. I knew he would be and i was seated on the oposite side of the table from him so we could avoid talking with each other b/c things ended weird/badly with us. I took the advice of the posters on LS and avoided him and just chatted to my friend next to me. We made eye contact once and got the 'i hate you stare' from him it seemed. So i just avoided eye contact the rest of the night with him. We stayed for two beers and left. As soon as I got home, I got sucked into his texting games again. Ugh... Why do I let myself get pulled in to text fighting? what the hell is going through this guys head? jake-so things gonna be that awkward all the time? me- I don't think it was concidering how you acted to me jake- what was i supposed to say? me-what should i have said? I guess we can put it all behind us and forget about everything and just be friends for when we run into each other? me- i don't want us to be weird or mean. so lets just forget everything that happened. jake- sounds good to me. hope you know why i stopped talking to you..wasn't trying to be an ass... me-i have no idea why you stopped talking to me and you were kinda being an ass. jake-take care of yourself. no how i wanted things to go but i really didn't have much say in it. so im sorry for that. me: take care of yourself too and sorry about things. not how i wanted things to go too. i hope we are good now. jake-will be hard for me to not be akward about it. if tonight was ant indication, it's gonna b weird for me. me: im really sorry if i heart you. i like you and respect you as a person. jake-you didn't...im sure kelly told you her side of the story. i just figured that's how you wanted things to be so you didnt think i was doing anything wrong. me-all i know is after we had sex u wanted nothing to do with me and made another date. just be truthful if you're not interested. i can at least respect that. jake: wasnt it. u told me you had a date planned earlier that night so i assumed thats what you wanted. nothin explusive...so i didn't think it was a big deal. jake:but i was told to leave you alone so that's what i did. me:u said i pushed you. you told kelly you didn't want exclusive. you told people you didn't want that with me so i let things be. me: you told kelly me and kelsy came onto you and you just want to be single and to be left alone. Jake: i told her i was perfectly fine being single and i don't need a relationship to be happy. jake: but if i met the right one i would be all about her...didn't say that, but that's what i think. jake: plus she decided to blow me up when i was hammered after gold which is never good to do if ive been drinking because i say stupid shi#. me: so, before all this shi#, what did you feel about me? jake: i liked you. wouldn't have slept at your place 4 times if i didnt. me: i still have no idea what your problem was. i wasn't pushing you or rushing you in any way. me: by the way, i was ending it with that guy. i didnt like him in that way. jake: you said you had a different date...i got F###ed over really bad and didn't want any competition. jake: i didn't know that. me: either way you didn't have enough feelings to talk to me about things. you had sex with me. got mean. then blew me off. it's childish. at least im honest. me: you on the other hand, make a date with someon else. text me to say your phone is dying and text kelly the rest of the night. you played games and f###ed with me. jake: i was told not to talk to you so that's what i did. my phone died in the middle of my talk with her. me: well i don't want anything to do with guys who say they really like me, have sex with me, then make a date with someone else right after. all lies to me. jake: you made a date the same night we had sex with me. what's the difference? doesn't matter what it's about. you don't need to go to dinner to tell a guy it's over. jake:... seems like lies to me as well. this is why im fine being single. no bull **** drama and one sided stories. me: well maybe you should have left before we had sex to avoid this drama if you can't talk about shi# like a man. i don't believe in ending things via text. it's mean. jake: well you were being all physical and hormones took over..im sorry. i should have left right after i heard that. you're right. that's where we are different... jake:... i will do anything to avoid confrontation.. much more hurtful to make him think ur on a date and drop that on him. that to me is much meaner. more hurtful. jake: that's my opinion. me: well. your OPINION is wroing. when you grow up you will see that. a respectful face to face convo is ending things has much more value and more humane. me: also you were the one who came onto me and started it. not me! jake: also twice as hurtful. jake: sorry, i hate face to face arguments..so much **** can go wrong. that's why people end up in jail. me: well i can't stand it if anything isn't face to face. no sure why jail has to be a factor? jake: done with this. going to bed. can tell there is no compromise with you. just another your right, im wrong discussion. me: that's right. you're wrong and im right. thanks for seeing it my way. goodnight! jake: we both did things wrong. sorry you didn't see that you had a hand in it. i never said i didn't do anything wrong. i did buy you had a part in it with your date as well. night. me: nope. i didn't do anything wrong. night. The next morning jake: women never do. you can go on dates and i can't. how it always is. take care. me: whatever. im not like all women. i never cheated or lied. jake: i never cheated either. im just the guy who says, hey... if she an do it, so can i... but it is what it is. me: way to be spitful. i agreed t see that guy after our fight when we decided to be friends.
utterer of lies Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 What is this? Idiot vs. idiot? A soap opera? Both of you suck.
Author orion1010 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 What is this? Idiot vs. idiot? A soap opera? Both of you suck. brilliant insight. thanks!
dispatch3d Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Kelly isn't looking out for your best interests. She's starting a bunch of **** between you and a guy you like. I'd bet some money Kelly likes Jake. Also this seems like high school . If you want to know Jake's opinion ask Jake. Don't ask Kelly, especially when she's a little conniving. The phone game is destroying you.
utterer of lies Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 brilliant insight. thanks! You're welcome. Did you learn something from the texts above?
dispatch3d Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 The other thing I see is, if you are having a conflict with someone figure out why. Don't just defend your side .
Author orion1010 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Kelly isn't looking out for your best interests. She's starting a bunch of **** between you and a guy you like. I'd bet some money Kelly likes Jake. Also this seems like high school . If you want to know Jake's opinion ask Jake. Don't ask Kelly, especially when she's a little conniving. The phone game is destroying you. Kelly is getting married to jake's brother. she doesn't like him. i didn't ask her to get involved but she did b/c he asked out another one of her friends as a game to get back at me. she stepped in and i didn' know. she didn't want him playing with her friends she told me.
dispatch3d Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Kelly is getting married to jake's brother. she doesn't like him. i didn't ask her to get involved but she did b/c he asked out another one of her friends as a game to get back at me. she stepped in and i didn' know. she didn't want him playing with her friends she told me. Stay out of other people's business. Who is she to decide that he's wrong and some other girl is right? Grrrrr. Anyways, I'll leave you to it .
Author orion1010 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 You're welcome. Did you learn something from the texts above? yes.. it should have ended here. jake-take care of yourself. no how i wanted things to go but i really didn't have much say in it. so im sorry for that. me: take care of yourself too and sorry about things. not how i wanted things to go too. i hope we are good now. thats why im so annyoed with myself. how does he suck me in like that?
Sabali Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Really, why do you two just screw each other one more time to get rid of the residual tension. Arguing over texts is very immature and the sign of craziness. Seriously. Between the two of you, one of you is quite crazy. I hope it is him.
Author orion1010 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 The other thing I see is, if you are having a conflict with someone figure out why. Don't just defend your side . i see your point. i thought i was trying to find out what wrong. all contact just stopped after my friend told him to leave us alone. he was lying to her saying he won't leave him alone. told people i am stalkerish.. which is another lie. he can be spitful.
Author orion1010 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Really, why do you two just screw each other one more time to get rid of the residual tension. Arguing over texts is very immature and the sign of craziness. Seriously. Between the two of you, one of you is quite crazy. I hope it is him. having sex to get rid of residual tension would only make things worse. I walked away from this drama. he broke NC and i got sucked in. ugh.. i should have never responded... something has to give b/c i have to see him in social situations from time to time. i though last night was a step in the right direction being out and not getting into it and leaving each other alone. then as soon as i get home, not eve 15 minutes after i left the bar he started the texting.
utterer of lies Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 yes.. it should have ended here. I disagree. It should have been like this: jake-so things gonna be that awkward all the time? me- Yes. Have a nice life. Don't contact me again.
Author orion1010 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 I disagree. It should have been like this: jake-so things gonna be that awkward all the time? me- Yes. Have a nice life. Don't contact me again. don't you think that's kind of bit##y? i have to see him in social situations.. isn't there a way to get past all this crap in a positive way? has anyone else done it? where you date someone contected to your social circle and it didn't workout... then you got through it where it's not weird?
ladyinlimbo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I can't find your original post now but I do recall you explaining that after you 2 had had a fight, he came over, you discussed things, you thought things were worked out....YET you did tell him that you had a date planned for that night but you'd cancelled it. I still think that was a wrong move. There was no real reason to have told him that EXCEPT to make him jealous or get some kind of reaction out of him. If you don't agree with this then explain why you felt it necessary to even tell him? You claim you were not in the wrong for making a date with someone else because at the time you did, you felt he and you were 'just friends'....so fine, no reason why you can't date others....but to have TOLD HIM this when you had talked and felt things were worked out and you 2 were back on track.............sorry but that seems like you were playing games with him and surely you should have known that that would make him feel weird/uncomfortable/insecure. TMI, IMO. That being said, he reacted like a child and set out to do the 'tit for tat' thing only he took it to a completely new level....but intentionally going for the sister of your best friend (can't remember if he slept with her or not?).....which completely trumps you merely having a date with someone while NOT in a relationship with him. I'd say forget it all. Too much bad water under the bridge. Neither of you can recover from this. I'm always cautious of people who intentionally seek out revenge as a way of dealing with their hurt feelings. Makes me wonder seriously what I'd be in for down the road when, as an imperfect human being, I say or do the wrong thing and then I'm left to await my 'punishment.' I don't like spiteful, vindictive people at the best of times, and surely not someone who I'd be in a dating relationship with. Has red flags and a crapload of heartbreak written all over it.
utterer of lies Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 don't you think that's kind of bit##y? i have to see him in social situations.. Yes, you will see him, and it will be awkward. That's just life. Get used to it. isn't there a way to get past all this crap in a positive way? has anyone else done it? where you date someone contected to your social circle and it didn't workout... then you got through it where it's not weird? My suggestion would have been a positive way. You wish him a nice life, but make it clear you don't want to be contacted. The awkward thing is a given, but of course, a little trolling in this case is ok, especially if you really write this as a final text.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 don't you think that's kind of bit##y? i have to see him in social situations.. isn't there a way to get past all this crap in a positive way? has anyone else done it? where you date someone contected to your social circle and it didn't workout... then you got through it where it's not weird? Well..yes, it IS awkward but one can make it less awkward. When he texted you to bring up the awkwardness, you could have just acknowledged it....told him that what's done is done, it's best to move on and be civil to one another due to the fact that you'll continue to have contact in the future.....and that you wish him well, have a nice day. I understand your need to try and explain your side of things but really, in a situation like this, what is the point? The 'facts' can't be undone, you can't turn back the clock, there are times like this where it's really very pointless and futile to try and get the other person to 'see your side of things' because at the end of the day, it's not going to erase what took place. You know? I would recommend that you ignore future texts because it will just result in yet another p*$$ing match where neither of you remain one step closer to see things from the other's perspective.
Sabali Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 (edited) having sex to get rid of residual tension would only make things worse. I walked away from this drama. he broke NC and i got sucked in. ugh.. i should have never responded... something has to give b/c i have to see him in social situations from time to time. i though last night was a step in the right direction being out and not getting into it and leaving each other alone. then as soon as i get home, not eve 15 minutes after i left the bar he started the texting. And you got into this whole back and forth thing with him and even started referring to your previous relations which just shows you that wounds are festering and you both do not know how to deal with it. Really. Just look at that whole transcript of a text argument you provided. Who goes on and on like this through texts except people with serious communication issues to say the least. Listen, you two do not need to contact each other any more. You two slept together and it didn't end well. No contact is your plan. If he breaks it and you speak to him, you are guilty as well. Toxic. By the way, I was kidding about the sex thing. You two do not need to touch each other any more even though you both may want to on some hidden level that you are not admitting to. Edited May 20, 2011 by Sabali
Author orion1010 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 I can't find your original post now but I do recall you explaining that after you 2 had had a fight, he came over, you discussed things, you thought things were worked out....YET you did tell him that you had a date planned for that night but you'd cancelled it. I still think that was a wrong move. There was no real reason to have told him that EXCEPT to make him jealous or get some kind of reaction out of him. If you don't agree with this then explain why you felt it necessary to even tell him? You claim you were not in the wrong for making a date with someone else because at the time you did, you felt he and you were 'just friends'....so fine, no reason why you can't date others....but to have TOLD HIM this when you had talked and felt things were worked out and you 2 were back on track.............sorry but that seems like you were playing games with him and surely you should have known that that would make him feel weird/uncomfortable/insecure. TMI, IMO. That being said, he reacted like a child and set out to do the 'tit for tat' thing only he took it to a completely new level....but intentionally going for the sister of your best friend (can't remember if he slept with her or not?).....which completely trumps you merely having a date with someone while NOT in a relationship with him. I'd say forget it all. Too much bad water under the bridge. Neither of you can recover from this. I'm always cautious of people who intentionally seek out revenge as a way of dealing with their hurt feelings. Makes me wonder seriously what I'd be in for down the road when, as an imperfect human being, I say or do the wrong thing and then I'm left to await my 'punishment.' I don't like spiteful, vindictive people at the best of times, and surely not someone who I'd be in a dating relationship with. Has red flags and a crapload of heartbreak written all over it. i do you see your point on why you would think i was trying to make him jealous. i agreed to see the other guy after our first fight about having children. which he also started... (it's all in my other thread if you want to read before you judge me). It was like a catch 22 for me. if i didn't tell him, he would find out. if i did tell him, he would think im a liar and hiding things. he's so insecure b/c of his last relationship, i think he thinks all women cheat. he went for my friend's bridesmaid knowing she and i would find out just out of spite. she cancelled on him and they never went on their date. the bridesmaid is prone to depression so that's why kelly stepped in without me knowing right away to tell him to leave both of us alone. we both suddenly stopped communication so things went unresolved. and now they still are b/c the texting just couldn't end at the point where we were both saying sorry and i said, well lets just forget things and be friends. i cannot see anything in the future with him in terms of dating b/c to much has happend to quickly in terms of fighting. that's all we seem to know how to do with each other. he seems to be the more emotional one. i was trying to move slowly in terms of long term if that would have even been an option.
Author orion1010 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 a little trolling in this case is ok, especially if you really write this as a final text. what is trolling? what do you mean by that?
utterer of lies Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 what is trolling? what do you mean by that? In this case: a good-bye gift in the form of a small provocation.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Here's the coles notes version of the original post: - OP and some guy named Jake meet up and have sex - both of them go on dates with other people the same night - OP thinks Jake is an @sshole while she did nothing wrong
ladyinlimbo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Here's the coles notes version of the original post: - OP and some guy named Jake meet up and have sex - both of them go on dates with other people the same night - OP thinks Jake is an @sshole while she did nothing wrong Well that's an interesting version :-) I'm sure the OP will fill in some of the obvious blanks but I think you're missing a few key details: -OP and some guy named Jake date less than a handful of times, have sex early on (date #1 or 2?) -they have some kind of squabble (I can't recall what); I believe a text battle ensues and 'things' are considered "over." -as things are considered "over", the OP accepts a date with someone else (why wouldn't she? she's free to do so. And to note: the guy she accepts a date with is not any kind of mutual acquaintance or someone that Jake would know) -communication is reestablished, they both decide to forgive and forget and they're back on. On this same evening that they 'reunite', OP tells Jake that she DID have a date that night but had cancelled it (I'll admit, TMI, she didn't have to tell him that, after dating a couple of times she did not owe him this kind of explanation) -they have sex, all is considered to be good and worked out..........yet Jake decides to hit on/ask out the friend of OP's best friend. Clearly he was looking for word of this to get back to the OP (as naturally it would), to obviously "stick it to her" for daring to accept a date with someone during a time when it was believed "they" were merely friends and therefore not exclusive or in any kind of dating/relationship. -Jake is the brother of the OP's best friend's fiance and it was the bride's maid of honor he was trying to get with. You're welcome.
Author orion1010 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 In this case: a good-bye gift in the form of a small provocation. So in this case, have any ideas for me? in terms of a good bye msg in case he starts up again? i have a feeling he will start again tonight b/c he will be wasted for his brothers bachelor party tonight. need a good one that will not keep going and suck me in to defend myself. I'm not good at coming up with things like that...
Author orion1010 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Well that's an interesting version :-) I'm sure the OP will fill in some of the obvious blanks but I think you're missing a few key details: -OP and some guy named Jake date less than a handful of times, have sex early on (date #1 or 2?) -they have some kind of squabble (I can't recall what); I believe a text battle ensues and 'things' are considered "over." -as things are considered "over", the OP accepts a date with someone else (why wouldn't she? she's free to do so. And to note: the guy she accepts a date with is not any kind of mutual acquaintance or someone that Jake would know) -communication is reestablished, they both decide to forgive and forget and they're back on. On this same evening that they 'reunite', OP tells Jake that she DID have a date that night but had cancelled it (I'll admit, TMI, she didn't have to tell him that, after dating a couple of times she did not owe him this kind of explanation) -they have sex, all is considered to be good and worked out..........yet Jake decides to hit on/ask out the friend of OP's best friend. Clearly he was looking for word of this to get back to the OP (as naturally it would), to obviously "stick it to her" for daring to accept a date with someone during a time when it was believed "they" were merely friends and therefore not exclusive or in any kind of dating/relationship. -Jake is the brother of the OP's best friend's fiance and it was the bride's maid of honor he was trying to get with. You're welcome. damn! you are good! corrections: -sex happened on date 4 after we worked things out -first fight was about children and a miscommunication there. (i know, can you believe it? us.. miscomunicaiton)? I felt it was too soon to talk about kids. Thanks for filling him in. I'm sure you will be helping others too.
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