Hote204 Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 In every other way, i have my life so sorted. My own business, my own house, I'm 31 never married or engaged and have no children. Without sounding big headed, i'm told i'm very attractive and have an active and full life with lots of friends and a nice family. My problem is..my love life is like wreck! I was nearly married to a man i dated for 8 years but we split when i was 26 and since then, its been carnage. I wasnt devasted when we split up like you would imagine, he was seeing someone else and if anything, i left with a sense of "i didnt see that coming, oh well i guess you never really know anyone". I've dated a few men since, one for two years but i just get so bored of it. I'm always telling myself they are not for me and i'm almost waiting for them to do something to mess it up so i can dump them. Its so sad, i'm really not liking myself at the moment. I am sort of seeing an ex who i met 2 years ago and to be honest, he blew my brains like no one else but he's a nightmare. A bit crazy, flirts with other women but he has caught my attention because he isnt dull!!! I'm not needy, i hate other people trying to do things for me as i think i can do it myself so dont need their help. I can happily go off for 3 days and do my own thing and i would rather not be questioned about where i have been. With my on off ex though, i am happy when were together but still, i cant shake this feeling off of just wanted to run off! I feel things for this man i never have for anyone else but even he can't understand me. He says i'm very hard and cold hearted but if he knew how i felt about him inside, he'd be shocked. Its hard, one day i love him, the next day i could leave him! Anyhow, a lot of my friends are now settling down and getting married or are pregnant and i'm worrying i will be forever screwed up! Anyone else feel like this??
ShatteredReality Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Not in public so much, but at home. So when I was dating my H he knew I was head over heels for him...it was obvious. You need to find out what you're scared of...getting bored?? Well...yeah...that can certainly happen. No one is perfect and once a relationship has been around long enough routines form and boredom can certainly set in. It takes both people to work on keeping things not boring...so basically you need a relationship with total open communication....if this guy you're dating now - rather if you dressed up sexy for him and greated him at the door...threw your arms around him and kissed him and told him that you loved him...how would he react? Probably in a positive manner....if not confused because you're not normally like that...but it's exciting nonetheless. Bottom line is...you need to be willing to do that...and also be able to communicate enough with a man to let him know you needs things like that also. Or whatever does it for you. I couldn't live in a marriage that didn't have passion...so that's key for me...my H is almost too passionate, so it works out... And also...bottom line - you're afraid of something...what? Figure that out and you'll find your barrier.
Author Hote204 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Thanks for your reply. To be honest i am a very passionate person and am known to dress up and push the boundaries very often..a bit too often in fact lol! I dont know what i'm scared of. Too much perhaps. I dont fear geting hurt, im a toughie and bounce back quickly. I look at married couples and think they look bored. I almost feel sorry for them. its shocking isnt it. I guess im just screwed up. I fear becoming a house wife, a normal mundane person who cooks beef on a monday and pork on a tuesday. I fear waking up and looking at the person im with and thinking "hell, i made a bad mistake here". My on off ex is a nightmare, a bit selfish and off the hat rack but he's the person i have thought about committing to the most. Our relationship is off the wall, almost abusive at times. People may think i get off on the crazyness and i would agree with them. Does that make me bad!? They think so but i dont so much. I think maybe i thought about commitment with him as i thought he would not want it and the risk of me having to consider it was lowered. I moved out of our house when we split and was actually relieved. Glad i didnt have to cook his dinner, pleased i didnt have to live the routine. When i moved in, i was elated. Pleased that i had bagged him cos he was a real tough one to crack. Then..it was like the novelty had gone and i looked at him lying on the sofa and thought "surely there is more to life than watching The One Show every night bickering about who is going to put the dishwasher on". Now he is begging me to move back in but ive stopped dead in my tracks. Is he not right for me and my gut knows it!? I think im better off alone lol..without all of this head screw wondering whats up with me!
ShatteredReality Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Some people are better off alone...but if you WANT to be with someone then you're not one of those people. The trick is to find the person who compliments you the most and vice versa. I don't mean compliment in a verbal sense, but instead in a more literal sense. Find a guy who likes to cook and is passionate...then you have that part of things solved - he'll make dinner most nights and passion is where the excitement comes in. Make sure you two have things you can do together - don't just sit at home watching tv every night - maybe on work nights fine whatever, but on the weekends you can go do stuff together ... whatever your interests are together. Hiking, boating, theater, just going for walks...whatever it is. And if you have open communication you can tell him "I'm getting bored...why? I don't know...what can we do together to fix this?" The right guy won't mind mixing things up... Your current on/off guy is exciting - keeps your blood boiling, that's why you like him most likely. It honestly doesn't matter what other people think - if you're being insane for staying with someone or not...it matters what you think. They don't have to be the ones in the relationship - you do. Sensible is sensible, but not always fulfilling...like I said...I can't live without the passion....so I have to put up with the things that go with it. i.e. He's got an awful temper and can be a selfish baby sometimes...with good communication, though, we've got a workable situation - a happy one even...and we're about to hit our 11y marriage anniversary next month....so it's possible to be married and to be happy in general - though that doesn't at all mean the tough times aren't there cause they most certainly are....but the good times make up for them.
Popondetta Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Maybe you just haven't met the right guy or maybe you have some sort of commitment issues. I suggest you read "He's scared, she's scared" about commitment issues and maybe you'll get some understanding from that... Just a suggestion
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