Feelsgoodman Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 You want a guy who's popular with the ladies but hasn't slept with many of them. Yes, it would be difficult to find a man like that.
Sanman Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 There are plenty of guys who have never had sex but you wouldn't want them. Otherwise you wouldn't have passed them over for the philanderers. It is annoying when people get whiny after they made their own choices to be with the wrong sort of SO's. You don't get to complain. Those who got passed over for garbage get to complain about you. Would you like something sweet to offset your bitterness? Rikrak acknowledged this issue in her response to me on page 1. People are fallible and not always realistic. So what? She is human and the only person she is really making unhappy is herself. Rikrak, you're a couple of years younger than me, so I would like to think I understand the mindset of some of these guys. The bottom line is that finding a good teacher is a hard thing. Many guys with lots of experience generally want women who also have enough experience to know what they are doing and often don't see the 'good girl' in the same light as the crazy girls. It is much the same as the nice guys here that complain that women let bad boys get further. The inexperienced guys are like the blind leading the blind. Either get a bit more flexible in who you are willing to date or be prepared for a long search as that is not a natural progression for guys. We have to go after women and don't have the luxury of being as picky as most women (at least not until we actually get them).
Sanman Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Sanman: "Hell, I do like to know a woman before sleeping with her, but it usually doesn't happen as many women see not trying to sleep with them as a lack of interest." Why not? It seems there are lots of women out there looking for guy to get to know before sex? What if you waited? Do you really think she would move on to another guy if she liked you? That said.. there are lots of women in this forum who seem to feel they will lose a guy if they don't have sex.. Simple, it ruins the chemistry with a woman. I initiate, but never pressure a woman who isn't ready. They pick the time and it is usually fairly soon. In modern dating, many women are dating more than one man at the same time and usually the first to sleep with them is the first to get them. Take it slow at your own risk, though it has happened with some women. They are usually a bit long distance though.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 When I start a relationship with a guy, I know I shouldn't dwell on his past. If he's had many sexual partners before, it doesn't necessarily mean that he'll cheat on me or lose interest right away. I don't mind if my guy had sex with his previous girlfriends, but it bothers me when I find out that he's had casual encounters, f*ck buddies, and/or sex since he was 12. Even if I like/love my guy, I still can't help feeling like he's "used" goods or possibly comparing me to girls in his past. The worst is when I meet a guy who isn't that interested in sex because he's had a lot of it already. My three ex-boyfriends told me they wanted to "settle down" with me since I'm a "good girl." I should appreciate that they didn't see me as a piece of @ss. But is it so wrong to want a guy who was at least a bit more selective in who he slept with? It's such a turn-off for me when a guy seemed too available to every girl who was willing to sleep with him. Go for it. Those guys are all over the place. Just don't expect them to be Captain Confidence.
Jazzari Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I have no idea what my current SOs sexual past is like. I wanted to know if he had STDs and if his divorce was due to cheating. Other than that, I don't want to know and don't care.
bluenightowl Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Sanman: "Simple, it ruins the chemistry with a woman. I initiate, but never pressure a woman who isn't ready. They pick the time and it is usually fairly soon. In modern dating, many women are dating more than one man at the same time and usually the first to sleep with them is the first to get them." I used to think exactly this way myself... until I met a few women who slept with me and then kept dating other men, only to be told they have met someone soon afterwards. I agree about the women who are dating more than one man at a time, and some are getting quite intimate on dates and are able to detach. I think its much easier not to lockin when you have options.
Sanman Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Sanman: "Simple, it ruins the chemistry with a woman. I initiate, but never pressure a woman who isn't ready. They pick the time and it is usually fairly soon. In modern dating, many women are dating more than one man at the same time and usually the first to sleep with them is the first to get them." I used to think exactly this way myself... until I met a few women who slept with me and then kept dating other men, only to be told they have met someone soon afterwards. I agree about the women who are dating more than one man at a time, and some are getting quite intimate on dates and are able to detach. I think its much easier not to lockin when you have options. That just means that these women were sleeping with both you. Some women like to judge performance in bed before committing because they want good sex. Not sleeping with her likely won't change that outcome. Enjoy the sex and move on or find a woman who likes to take it slow. In the end, whether sex is involved or not, women have their preferences.
bluenightowl Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 "That just means that these women were sleeping with both you. Some women like to judge performance in bed before committing because they want good sex. Not sleeping with her likely won't change that outcome. Enjoy the sex and move on or find a woman who likes to take it slow. In the end, whether sex is involved or not, women have their preferences." These women were both out of LTR's, and in general (for whatever reasons) I found these women wanted NSA sex more (the rebound effect maybe). I think you are right - to sleep with or not probably won't make a big difference, but might save some grief depending on what you are looking for.
Pianiste Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I find it a bit disturbing that some think sex is the dealbreaker/maker when you're dating. I don't think any of my boyfriends ever knew *all* about my previous sex life (or relationships for that matter), nor do I know all about theirs. I know whether they had a lot/hardly any girls (in their eyes, really there is no need for numbers. Ew.) but I don't care about the details, time span, promiscuousness or whatever. In most cases it doesn't add anything positive to a relationship and quite often even the opposite happens and they find very creative ways to use this information: fights, rough periods etc.. Just horrible and very annoying!
J200 Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 @Knittress: I say "tired of sex" because I've actually been told by a couple ex-boyfriends that sex wasn't that big of a deal to them anymore. I think that's a horrible thing for them to tell me, but perhaps they were lying because they didn't have that great a time with me. They liked the fact that I wasn't promiscuous, but didn't have more patience to be with someone sexually inexperienced. Shouldn't they have been more excited to have me if they were truly in love with me? And it's not the numbers that bother me. In fact, I never asked for or received exact numbers of their past encounters. But I feel cheated that they no longer have the drive to have frequent, non-conservative sex. Just because they want to settle down doesn't mean we can't have a great sex life. Guys like your exes will settle down and marry a GOOD GIRL but they will cheat on the side with prostitutes, whores, and BAD GIRLS. Trust me. Guys want to marry a good girl but after a while they think sex with the good girl is boring or they have a "madonna whore complex". google it. They just want to marry the good girl but they lust after the bad girl. It's unfair. The best way to deal with this probably is to just be alone and give up on all men. Men have double standards. They think its ok for THEM To screw around and have one night stands but not their "Gf" or Wife. However when they get bored of their wives or gf's, who they claim to love, they will cheat on the side.
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