xpaperxcutx Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 and it's really disrupting me from attaining a meaningful relationship. I can't divulge my situations to people because it usually always scares them away but then I feel like a recluse for avoiding socialization. I'm trying to find a balance but it's so hard because in the past I've lied to friends and those lies came back to haunt me. It's really made me afraid of confrontations and took a hit at my self- esteem. Lately, I've became interested in a friend of a friend. However, because we're still in the process of getting to know each other, he has a tendency to ask me alot of personal questions. He doesn't press me for a definite answer but I feel as if I'm at an impasse on how to let him know things about me without scaring him off. If you were him, and comes from a conservative family, do you see any kind of relationship developing with a girl with a very questionable past?
Sabali Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Is it important that he know these specific things about your past? In other words, will it become his business or affect him?
Star Gazer Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Is the baggage so much you have trouble carrying it yourself? Does it have wheels that help you pull it? Or is it really so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, that it fits nicely under the seat in front of you?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Is Korean culture at play here? Yes. Is it important that he know these specific things about your past? In other words, will it become his business or affect him? It's not his business but I'm sure it'll affect his feelings for me if I divulge. Is the baggage so much you have trouble carrying it yourself? Does it have wheels that help you pull it? Or is it really so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, that it fits nicely under the seat in front of you? My therapist helps me with my baggage and I to to minimize it with medication but ultimately it will never be swept under the rug because it's part of who I am.
Star Gazer Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 My therapist helps me with my baggage and I to to minimize it with medication but ultimately it will never be swept under the rug because it's part of who I am. If you can carry it without having to rely on putting it on a man's shoulders, I think you'll be okay.
2sunny Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 just because someone asks a question doesn't mean you are obligated to answer. so don't answer. IF you enjoy his company - then go and do what you enjoy together. tell him you prefer to see what you are all about instead of answering numerous questions. i find that what a person tells me is often not what they think there perception is for themselves... it's usually way off base. i prefer to draw my own conclusions based on a person's actions, words mean nothing.
threebyfate Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 What's more important to you? Being accepted for who you are or getting the man only to lose him later when he finds out who you really are?
Sabali Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Yes. It's not his business but I'm sure it'll affect his feelings for me if I divulge Going back to your original question, personally, I don't take into much consideration family views when I choose for someone to become a part of my life. Life is too short and I will be damned if I will live it by what someone else wants for me. I realize that we are probably talking from 2 different cultural aspects though. With that said, a "very questionable past" would raise concerns for me but it would depend on what the past events involved, obviously. If it is truly in the past and it won't affect him, I see no reason to offer this information.
denise_xo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I'm pretty open about my 'baggage'. My point of departure is that if it scares people off, we're not compatible anyway.
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