spiderowl Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 (edited) I've just had to give up on another guy. We hadn't even met but things he was doing and saying were bugging me. I also felt pressured. I felt like I had no option but to drop out as I was in danger of encouraging something that was likely to fail. I didn't want to upset anyone but ended up doing just that. I feel bad now for hurting him and I expect he feels worse. I don't want to be hurting anyone, just wish they wouldn't get so attached from the start. I don't want to rush into anything because for a start off I don't trust guys to know their own motives half the time. It seems to me they are attracted and then head towards you, there is little more to it than that. Can't even think they care about me. My dating career has been filled with shallow guys who just want sex, irrational and erratic guys, overwhelmingly enthusiastic guys who I'm not that interested in and who make me feel cornered, and those who are crude or just completely unattractive to me physically. So far, apart from my marriage, nothing has worked for long. I might as well give up. I do want that physical closeness again but I don't want to feel used or uncared for. Is there any way I can get the type of the relationship I need without feeling used or ending up feeling trapped and having to account for my every move? What would guys think of a woman who just wanted a sexual relationship albeit a caring one? Would they go for it or think there was something wrong? I'd like to hear some honest opinions on this. Second question is how do I get such a relationship? Edited May 20, 2011 by spiderowl
Author spiderowl Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Any thoughts? I don't want things to be too heavy from the start, to feel under pressure, but I'd like to feel he cared about me as a person. There are guys I like, who are friends, but they are not going to be right for me in the long term for various reasons. Should I just steer clear of them or consider some sort of light-hearted physical relationship, if they were interested that is?
jj88 Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Do not start sleeping with your guy friends. That will destroy your friendship with them. Meet some new guys. Go out and keep things casual. Do you really just want a sexual relationship? If so, many guys will go for that, just make sure you wear protection! It seems you want a physical, but caring relationship. I think you could meet a nice enough guy for this, but he will probably start to have feelings for you. Intimacy tends to bring feelings. Maybe a break from dating and just enjoying yourself would be better. Or go out and meet someone new. JUST NOT YOUR FRIENDS!!!
sanskrit Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Based on what you post, I believe such an arrangement will leave you feeling used, so wouldn't advise it. Get out more at night, broaden your circle of acquaintances, and capitalize on the tremendous advantage women have in meeting men out in bars, clubs, elsewhere. Date three or four men at a time, and cull the ones who display bad behavior you've experienced in the past. As you go through this process, you may meet men suitable for casual relations that could turn into something as opposed to starting out seeking a kind of NSA deal that you have never experienced (or if you have your OP doesn't mention it). As far as your OP question to men, I could do such an arrangement, but so much of the quality of sex comes from emotional content that it would be kind of like "fast food" and I likely wouldn't prioritize such an arrangement very highly in my life.
Author spiderowl Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 Thanks. Maybe I should just give up on dating. I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I'm just choosy and the guys I've met who I seem to get on best with on an intellectual levels always seem to have something major wrong with them, like drink far too much or don't smell too good. If a guy is single, then I find out pretty quickly why he is and it's usually some habit or personality quirk I couldn't stand for long. I don't think I'm particularly intolerant, in fact I'm quite easy going. I don't want to start a relationship by having to start managing the guy and sorting out these traits. I just want to meet a decent guy I'm attracted to so why is it so impossible? I do go out and I meet people but mostly the same people. I'd have to think hard about how I could move in different social circles in order to meet others, but I feel so depressed and dispirited about it all. Maybe I'm doomed to be alone. It's at times like this that a reasonably caring physical relationship starts to sound like a good deal! The problem is that I would feel used if they never became attached, especially if I did.
sagetalk Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 1. My dating career has been filled with shallow guys who just want sex, irrational and erratic guys, overwhelmingly enthusiastic guys who I'm not that interested in and who make me feel cornered, and those who are crude or just completely unattractive to me physically. 2. What would guys think of a woman who just wanted a sexual relationship albeit a caring one? Would they go for it or think there was something wrong? I'd like to hear some honest opinions on this. Second question is how do I get such a relationship? 1. There are tons of guys who want much more than just sex. I would say the ole' people picker is broken. Examine yourself and see why you are attracted to these types of men in the first place. 2. Not for me or most men who are LTR minded. I want the whole package. Just sex and nice feelings don't cut it.
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