solidz Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 My ex and I have been broken up for about a week now.. We had been going out for two years and everything was great! It was a mutual break up I guess. We had entered into a long distance relationship about 2 weeks back and still have 9 weeks to go. Anyways. We had not talked to each other for four days, when I got an email from her just checking up on me. It was a nice email so I responded. Then she responded back saying what she had done the past couple of days.. And then she added this.. That she was going to a “stop light” party soon (One where you wear a green shirt for single, yellow for complicated, and red if you are taken). Did she say this just to make me jealous and get a rise out of me? Should I respond or just leave it?
Kodo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 My ex and I have been broken up for about a week now.. We had been going out for two years and everything was great! It was a mutual break up I guess. We had entered into a long distance relationship about 2 weeks back and still have 9 weeks to go. Anyways. We had not talked to each other for four days, when I got an email from her just checking up on me. It was a nice email so I responded. Then she responded back saying what she had done the past couple of days.. And then she added this.. That she was going to a “stop light” party soon (One where you wear a green shirt for single, yellow for complicated, and red if you are taken). Did she say this just to make me jealous and get a rise out of me? Should I respond or just leave it? So many variables. But why would she say it? Maybe she's trying to be honest because she feels she owes it to you? Should could be trying to prove she is moving on? Could be anything. I'd personally not respond. Then she'll be left to conjur up her own ideas and assumptions.
Author solidz Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 I agree.. There are a lot of variables and factors.. I thought that maybe it was a way for her to see if I still care? Obviously I do, but at the same time I need to move on. When we first broke up she had talked about starting over.. Maybe she is testing me to see if I do still care.. I have no idea? I am just looking to see if someone may have some experience with this
Kodo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I agree.. There are a lot of variables and factors.. I thought that maybe it was a way for her to see if I still care? Obviously I do, but at the same time I need to move on. When we first broke up she had talked about starting over.. Maybe she is testing me to see if I do still care.. I have no idea? I am just looking to see if someone may have some experience with this That could very well be a variable. But then the problem is that even more stem for that. Is she seeing if you care to curb her guilt? Is she seeing if you care because she's about to rush back to you? Is she seeing if you care because she'll have to stop talking to you? Is she seeing if you care only to gauge whether you have moved on faster than her? Millions of things. And there is no point risking it all for one. By keeping quiet you keep things in your favour. She'll either have to forget it or persue you for more info. In a sense you're on the defensive for now.
rayne05us Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Don't respond...there was no reason for her to tell you that., other than to get some sort of response out of you. Don't get mad, don't get crazy thinking about it, just don't contact her...And Good Luck!
sun_moon Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 sounds like she needs to wear a yellow shirt! lol It's a little ironic to me, she's trying to connect with you again, or make you jealous, or gauge where you are, but its just screaming grey area, not completely separated yet... WHERE YELLOW!
Author solidz Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Yellow seems to be fitting lol.. I know that I shouldnt contact her and I understand that I need to move on and honestly.. I am further in that process than I thought that I would be. But I don't want to lose all contact with her. I don't want it to get to the point where she stops talking to me because she is fed up with me not responding. I understand in this situation that it is important to let her know that what she is doing is not right.. But is no contact really the best option? I guess time will only tell eh?
sun_moon Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Yes NC is best. Hinds sight is 20 20 and let me tell you that we tell you this because we have been stung. Whether your the dumper or the dumped letting go is the hardest to do until your forced to bc one has hurt the other in some way. if you are seriously progressing leave it alone you will thank yourself later.
Author solidz Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Thank you sun moon. I really appreciate your advice. I am new to this whole break up thing haha. . This is my first relationship but I am just taking it day by day. I figure that if she contacts me and says that she wants to work on things.. and is serious about it.. that I would give it a shot despite knowing the risks. I really love this girl. But for now its time to move on.. and if she doesnt want to work on things then there is something bigger and better out there that I just havent seen yet. I appreciate everyones advice! It has really helped me keep my head up
Billie The Puppet Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 She left this message without telling you what color she is going to wear? She did this on purpose because she is gauging where you are at, she is sort of teasing you to ask her what color she is going to wear. Normally I encourage NC but given this break up is mutual and normal human tendency to get jealous are at play to this email I would respond. Sounds like fun, I hope you have a great time. What this does is It takes away her fishing of asking you where the relationship stands it shows that the color of her shirt does not bother you. (at least in the response) I was actually contemplating suggesting green but that still places an emphasis on the color. It's better to not place anything on the color. If she responds volunteering the color then I would say go NC or play it cool yet again showing the color doesn't matter to you.
radiodarcy Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 i'd let it go. my ex used to do stupid crap like that too. telling me about what he was up to and then asking me if i was seeing someone, etc. it felt like he was trying to engage me in a competition to see who could move on faster in attracting more people, landing more dates, etc. it pissed me off because clearly he has the advantage because e dumped me so he already had a head start. which left me to pick up the pieces. i eventually came to my senses and went NC and am so much happier for it. besides, i don't want to compete with the guy that i still love and really don't want to be with anyone else other than him. moving is a process not a race.
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