What steps should I take, right now, to make myself more attractive to women?

[Red Arremer]

Being horny is an energy that motivates like no other. If you are willing to satisfy that appetite with porn and masturbation you loose a great deal of that energy for real situations.

Yes, sexual desire is exactly the same thing as sexual frustration

It is when you lack the skill set to be able to do anything to act on said sexual desire. I don't see how throwing more sexual desire into the mix is going to somehow help the underlying problem. If anything it's going to make it worse because now you're going to come off as even more desperate.

 

Wow, what incisive analysis.

 

Reading Romance Novels is not recommended for the purpose of refashioning oneself as Fabio, or in conjunction with some insincere PUA technique, but to understand the kinds of emotional -language- and cues that women respond to sexually. They buy MILLIONS of these things every year for a reason. You only have to read 2-3 to learn from them, that's a weekend. Every man has a reality, learning the right language to express that reality in to attract women is powerful stuff. Dating is marketing to some extent.

Alright yeah, my response was a bit too far on the snarky side there. But still, doing this sort of thing just seems... fake and PUA-ish (i.e., wrong) to me.

[Timmeh]

Already on the table. I've started applying, and will hopefully have a job within two weeks.

 

 

 

Not possible, until I get a job and I give up my role as caregiver. Right now, my grandma needs me more than I need a girl. At least girls my own age can make their own lunches.

That is actually sexy to some girls. You'll definitely get brownie points for that.

 

Don't put women on a pedistal, and give them crap in a flirty playful way whenever you can.

[musemaj11]

Not necessarily.

 

And even when it does work I'm not sure it will attract the kind of women you really want to attract.

I bet the kind of women he could attract with no job and money he wouldn't want anyway.

[Sanman]

Look, I will tell you the thing I told a friend of mine a while back when he was in the same position. You need to get out there and get comfortable talking to women. This will mean you are going to screw up a lot! Don't beat yourself up about it, just accept that it will happen now and learn in the future.

 

Now, here comes the controversial advice that many will complain about...accept any date you can with any woman. This is not about the woman so much as the process. As a guy, there is a certain level of comfort you need to build with asking for a number, initiating a first kiss, and even initiating sex. If you wait for the girls of your dream to do this it will take forever and chances are most will dump you anyway in the beginning. This is more about field training for your social anxiety than it is finding 'the one' right now. I can tell you that the friend who followed my advice a yer ago went from fumbling conversations horribly and being off-putting to being a fairly good wing man and spending an evening at a bar with a fairly decent looking group of girls. He still hasn't initiated kissing or sex because he wants to wait for someone he is attracted to and that is your decision, but I imagine it is going to take a few tries to be comfortable and you don't want the screw ups to be with a girl you really like.

[Dust]

Look, I will tell you the thing I told a friend of mine a while back when he was in the same position. You need to get out there and get comfortable talking to women. This will mean you are going to screw up a lot! Don't beat yourself up about it, just accept that it will happen now and learn in the future.

 

Now, here comes the controversial advice that many will complain about...accept any date you can with any woman. This is not about the woman so much as the process. As a guy, there is a certain level of comfort you need to build with asking for a number, initiating a first kiss, and even initiating sex. If you wait for the girls of your dream to do this it will take forever and chances are most will dump you anyway in the beginning. This is more about field training for your social anxiety than it is finding 'the one' right now. I can tell you that the friend who followed my advice a yer ago went from fumbling conversations horribly and being off-putting to being a fairly good wing man and spending an evening at a bar with a fairly decent looking group of girls. He still hasn't initiated kissing or sex because he wants to wait for someone he is attracted to and that is your decision, but I imagine it is going to take a few tries to be comfortable and you don't want the screw ups to be with a girl you really like.

 

Your advice was good until the “controversial” part. Seriously, what’s the fricken point if you aren’t attracted?

 

If you are only attracted to pictures in Maxim you might be gay. If you are a normal guy you will be perfectly hot for a wide range of girls. Do not even attempt to go out with a girl if you think to yourself “she isn’t hot so I’ll try with her” a good thought would be “most guys probably don’t find her good looking, but damn I want to eat her!” In summation the hotter you find the girl the better she is to go after because you will be more motivated.

 

You have to be willing to screw up with a girl you really like. its the only way.

[Sanman]

Your advice was good until the “controversial” part. Seriously, what’s the fricken point if you aren’t attracted?

 

If you are only attracted to pictures in Maxim you might be gay. If you are a normal guy you will be perfectly hot for a wide range of girls. Do not even attempt to go out with a girl if you think to yourself “she isn’t hot so I’ll try with her” a good thought would be “most guys probably don’t find her good looking, but damn I want to eat her!” In summation the hotter you find the girl the better she is to go after because you will be more motivated.

 

You have to be willing to screw up with a girl you really like. its the only way.

 

Listen, the friend I have has gone on many dates with women he did not find attractive (they contacted him online) and the point is that his social skills have improved to the point that this past weekend he held a two hour conversation with a girl he was attracted to and asked for her number. A year ago, they had not interest in talking to him and were not interested in giving him a number. Most of the girls he is attracted to (read average girls not models) have other options that they would rather talk to if you have social difficulties. I assume the same may be true for the OP. It is possible I am wrong.

Edited May 20, 2011 by Sanman

[sanskrit]

Agree with Sanman's advice. The practice of dating is key. Women want to be led in romance as in dancing, and when lots of folks say "confidence" here, what they really mean is being comfortable in the process of dating and romance. When you don't think much about the date until you are walking in the door of the place you are meeting because you have so much experience going on dates, that's where you want to be, second nature.