countingstarsagain Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Hello all! My boyfriend isn't very affectionate and often turns down my sexual advances. He recently got a new computer game and plays it constantly when I'm visiting or does something else online. It really hurts my feelings. It's like he doesn't even realize I'm there. Earlier today I was there and he was on his computer and I changed the TV channel and he said "don't come in here and change the channel" so I put it back and went to the bedroom to watch tv and he said "I don't even know why you stay here". I really don't know what to do. He's hurting me with his actions. I am a very affectionate person and when I try to cuddle with him he just sighs. I feel like he doesn't want me around. What could I do to feel less hurt by him or to get him to hear me out? He's very stubborn and believes people will never change, so trying to talk to him about what is upsetting me usually gets me no where.
Tony T Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 So very sorry but you can't have a relationship with someone you can't talk to. The guy obviously makes you feel like crap. Now, WHY would you want to make things better with a guy who doesn't care about you. There are so very many guys out there who would give anything to be with you. As it happens, you want to be with the one who dumps all over you. You'll get over that in time...I hope sooner than later!
Sabali Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Sounds like you are being taken for granted and maybe a bit too much up in his face and willing to accept whatever his dishes out. You have to disappear for a while. Start getting into other things. He will miss you.
llostboy Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 This kinda sounds like my story. My girlfriend dumped me last week for never paying enough attention to her. I didn't know how she felt until it was too late. Tell your boyfriend what's bothering you and that something needs to change.
Sabali Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 This kinda sounds like my story. My girlfriend dumped me last week for never paying enough attention to her. I didn't know how she felt until it was too late. Tell your boyfriend what's bothering you and that something needs to change. What would be concerning in approaching him in this manner is that it could come off as ultimatum which, in many cases, tend to produce undesirable results. Many times, changes will be made in a relatiinship temporarily just to shut the other person up for a minute. Often, it works better to demonstrate to a person how you should be treated through behavior.
spiderowl Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I'm sorry, he sounds like a guy with little empathy (if any) and he is not very interested in you. You really would be better off leaving, if you can, and once you have established an independent life you could meet someone caring, loving and interested in you. I get the impression your guy would not be interested in any woman for long; he's too rigid and more interested in cyberspace. I do not say any of this to hurt you but to show you he is a waste of your time and energy and you deserve so much better. The trouble with being in a relationship with an unempathic guy like that is that it saps your self-esteem - you start to think there's something wrong with you, whereas he's clearly not a loving or caring person. You sound like you have a loving personality and deserve someone who respects and loves you for that, not this guy. I wish you all the best and hope you find the decent guy you need.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 What are your ages? How long have you been together? Hate to say it but it sounds like he's not really into the relationship at this point and is perhaps intentionally trying to push you away and be rude to you so that you'll get sick of it and dump him? I would seriously recommend that you back right off for a few weeks. Stop trying to give him affection. Make yourself less available. If you go to see him and he can't give you the time of day, then leave.
Frank13 Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 My thoughts on this are that he wants out of the relationship but doesn't have the guts to tell you. He hopes by acting this way that you will break it off and that way he doesn't feel guilty ending it. I say disappear and go no contact. He will either contact you and you can then tell him how things have to change of he wants you back or you won't hear from him again and you will knwo whaqt I said is true.
Author countingstarsagain Posted June 9, 2011 Author Posted June 9, 2011 thanks for all your input guys! you are great! i've put some distance in our relationship and spend a few nights at my house without him and i go hang out with my friends a lot more often. all you've said is true, and if i don't see a change i'm going to end it. i'm just taking a little time to digest it all and make sure that's what i want to do with no regrets. i am 22 and he is 24.
Recommended Posts