temporaryvisa Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Today was a bad day again for me. I am trying to break my habit of seeking validation for my looks/sex appeal constantly, but it is not working. Today I went to work for the second time in a row without looking in the mirror and without makeup. I was feeling good because lol, I was still getting checked out. It made me feel good, very good. But then this coworker told me I looked tired. And she was with this really great guy at work whom I really, really want to date! Then we went on her Facebook and she rattled on and on about this beautiful chick on her friends list (with the name "Candice"...ugh, what a name )she wanted him to see, and he agreed on just how gorgeous she was. Yeah--he's a VERY open guy and calls girls pretty a lot, including me but it doesn't feel special when he does it to other girls too!!! I didn't look at the other girl's pictures, I avoided them. Ugh, I wanna puke!! I really really wanna puke. I am SO undateable because I don't have confidence but also because I can't stop comparing. Please, someone help me.
utterer of lies Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I am SO undateable because I don't have confidence but also because I can't stop comparing. Please, someone help me. Why should we? The only one who can help you is you.
welikeincrowds Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I happen to like the name Candice. I almost don't want to help you. But, this is a classic problem, and the ultimate solution for building security is to always be doing things you are proud of. Start small and build on the things you value until you become a person you would admire if you met her at a party. "External validation" isn't necessarily a bad thing. We all want to be told that we're doing the right thing. But you can be your own source of external validation, if that makes sense, because you simply admire yourself. The need to compare to others drifts away, because what others are doing is no longer relevant -- you have your own metric to go by, and you're clear about how to accomplish within it. And when you encounter a typical hater, it's easier to filter them out, because if their values don't align with yours, well, then you can confidently say that you don't care.
lolo1234 Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I think not looking in the mirror before work is going too far no? Have you thought about seeing a psychologist? I mean is there anything else you like about yourself ? I don't think this is the best place for help with your issues. A couple of comments from total strangers, some of which aren't very nice, isn't gonna help you out. Seek real help!
ladyinlimbo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 What age are you? Nobody here can help you. If you really want help for your issues, seek professional help with a good counselor or therapist - seriously. The issues you're seeking help for are really beyond the scope of a dating forum.
lovingADove Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 i would recommend one of those self help books. you need to build self esteem ... seriously
xpaperxcutx Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 We all have self esteem issues that won't go away unless we fix it ourselves. How can we expect others to love us when we don't even love ourselves?
thehead Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Why should we? The only one who can help you is you. UOL has a tiny, tiny sliver of a point. What have you done to work on your confidence? You seem self aware enough to identify the problem. What steps have you taken? Do you not know where to begin. Therapy, books websites have you explored any? You keep looking outward (for validation, for help, for answers) but a lot of this lies inside with you.
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