Dont know wat to do next

[Imguilty]

Im aware that majority of the Lsers here are dumpees and I am a dumpee too. But my situations is different. It seems like alot of the people here.. their dumpers left unexpectedly and alot of the people treated their exs very well..

 

The dumper left me because i took him for granted. Although when he left me, he did go out with a friend within a week(they are in a secret relationship for months now). For a while, i thought he left me for someone else ( i even got angry and upset at him)... but he told me it was all my fault. He told me that i didn't love myself enough and how could he love me if i didn't love myself.

 

This is the email he wrote to sister:

 

so dont dislike me because she's your sister and i hurted her. it should be the another way around. i guess i can put it this way "you cant really love someone when this person doesnt even love her/himself" its just very hard. i just felt like i was been treating like crap and i dont deserved it after all the stuff i did for her. like my mom and dad paid for her stuff that she wanted from Sam's,. i brought her dinners, she got mad because it wasnt the food she was feeling, just little thing like that can be important, it shows people's real face. I really tried to talk to her about issues like that and hope she will change and gave her many chances, but she just didnt change after all and instead she took it for granted.

third, she always wanted more, it's never enough... really hope you understand me... so you tell me, should i stay in this relationship or just get out

 

 

Some of the things he said is true but i didn't really think i took him for granted as much as he thinks i did.. Did i deserve this breakup the way it happened?? When he broke up with me (dumepd me over the phone), i guess he was trying to be nice about it and told me something completely different. I know a friend went behind my back and went out with him in a week but i felt really hurt. (she deleted me off her facebook blist and blocked me) i know that usually when dumpers dump you, they have emotionally moved on couple of months before but i was still blindsided. He never talked to me about these issues but instead, we just have arguments about it. i mean he had his share of problems too and there are a lot of things that bother me about him too. I just feel really guilty... I didnt know thats how much he resented me.. he even went far as asking if i had any values in life.. it hurt alot.

 

So from an outsider perspective, did i deserve all this? Did i have all these coming for me? i dont know wat to think anymore. I feel bad and awful.. i know he probably will never give me another chance but honestly, after this, i dont know if i want to ever be with him. He hates my guts and wants nothing to do with me. I feel guilty that for couple of months now, i was angry at him and upset.. but i guess it kindof looks like he had every right to do what he did to me..

 

i mean i guess i did take him for granted sometimes but did i deserve that i was replaced within a week of the breakup by a friend that i trusted? Am i that awful that he did that? Advice please, i dont know how to cope with the guilt. i'm prepared for the worse comments.

Edited May 19, 2011 by Imguilty

[plasma]

take a deep breath

 

ok,

 

if you want him back or dont, toss the email, dont reply to text messages, if he knows were you work and live HE WILL GO SEE YOU if he wants to make it work. Unless your an enabler or addicted type then your going to do what your going to do reguardless.

 

good luck !

[Imguilty]

he didn't email me but he emailed my sister instead. I'm not planning to talk to him anytime soon, i really don't know what to say. hes not going to come back and i know for sure, when he left. I mean i guess why would he come back if he thinks i treated him so horribly? this is 4 months post break up now. Within a month of the breakup before he told me all of this, i did apologize to him because i thought about it and i did feel bad. i didnt know how horrible person i am and i feel really horribly guilty. I'm pretty much consumed with guilt right now... i didnt know how that i treated someone that bad that he resents me now..

 

take a deep breath

 

ok,

 

if you want him back or dont, toss the email, dont reply to text messages, if he knows were you work and live HE WILL GO SEE YOU if he wants to make it work. Unless your an enabler or addicted type then your going to do what your going to do reguardless.

 

good luck !

Edited May 19, 2011 by Imguilty

[plasma]

Dont live your life in GUILT , thats whats motivating you now. I know its easier said then done but living with/thru guilt is a very very hard. If your head is clear of this fallout then step back, pick up were you left off when you were happy and go from there.

 

 

good luck !

[Fedor]

Hard to say if you deserved the cards you were dealt but the fact that you made this thread at least shows you cared about the relationship. I usually find that the women who get dumped for taking there men for granted usually could give two ****s. All you can do now is move on and hope for the best. He may come back, he may not. Live life for yourself.

[Imguilty]

Hard to say if you deserved the cards you were dealt but the fact that you made this thread at least shows you cared about the relationship. I usually find that the women who get dumped for taking there men for granted usually could give two ****s. All you can do now is move on and hope for the best. He may come back, he may not. Live life for yourself.

 

i definitely cared about the relationship. I mean a person's feeling isn't a joke or game or anything. i really care about him too, but the thing is i didn't even know he thought that sometimes (he didn't really express his feelings). i didn't even notice i was being ungrateful and taking him for granted (im not saying i was always ungrateful or anything but sometimes). I guess those things eventually became a habit to me and it got the worse of me. I guess i slowly became really self fish and only started to think about me and my feelings and my emotions. There was a lot on his part too that played into why i slowly took him for granted (b/c he was never there for me emotionally, i often felt neglected, distant, he never tried to understand how i felt, he always thought whatever he thinks is right, he was too narrow minded) but i don't blame him for my actions b/c in the end, i control my own feelings and now i feel bad. I know our relationship wasnt perfect but who is?.. But overall i think he had a good heart deep down dispute his flaws..

 

i guess i just still have a lot of learning to do (i am 21) and i'm trying my best to fix that and the other problems about me.This isn't my first relationship or anything. I still have strong feelings for him but i don't want him back (i don't know how to describe it). I feel like if he really loved me like he said he did, even though we had those problems, he would still stick with me and be patient with me and help me work out the problems or at least talk to me about it. But he didn't and i guess he had the right to be inpatient with me. I guess thats wishful thinking on my own part. And plus i know he wont come back like 100% so i guess that fact made it easier for me to move on. I'm not upset at him or at my friend anymore. Even if hes not with me, i guess as long as hes happy, i guess thats all that matter b/c everyone deserves to be happy. I wish we can be friends but i don't want to be a bothersome to their relationship cuz i'm sure alot of people don't like it when ex's are friends with the person they are in a relationship and plus i think his current gf (ex-friend) hates my guts. I didn't even do anything to her so i kind of dont understand.

 

I just feel guilty for treating him like that and i know no one deserves to be treated for granted. I guess what i'm trying to say is i'm struggling with forgiving myself. Its easy for me when it comes to forgiving other people (i never hated anyone before) but forgiving myself is another story.

Edited May 20, 2011 by Imguilty