Olivia1966 Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 To me, a "real man" is essentially the same as a "real woman": he's a person who is true to himself and who lives a life that has meaning and joy for him. Because he is self-sufficient and whole on his own, he has love to give the people in his life he cares about. He doesn't NEED those people, so he doesn't cling to them in desperation. He is complete, so he can give love, and receive it, without grabbing and squeezing the life out of it because he is afraid of losing it. OMG. So. Much. This.
bac Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Dear LS, To this end, I am now struggling with my own concept of being a man (Gentleman), even at the age of 31. My mother made me into a very sensative guy. I am a hopeless romantic, smile all the time, and am overall nice guy. I avoid personal confrontation, and am very intouch with my emotions. I love talking on the phone, and talking about my feelings. Lets face it these aren't things that a real man does.... I have already ordered a series of Art of Gentleman like books. Many of them talk about being less sensative, more head strong, and determined. Stubborn and uncomprimising on morals and ideals. Being more the alpha-male. I have further enlisted in mixed martial arts, and have countless bruises over my body because 3.5 hour combat fighting. I don't understand, WHAT makes a real man! Overly being sensative is a weakness I feel.... genome of XY makes a real man and nothing can change your gender. If you have Chr Y, you have secondary male's characteristics (a penis, two balls) and testosterone in your blood. If you have the stuff, you do not need to do anything to prove your gender As for being sensitive, it is great for dealing with girls because you can build emotional connection with them. Girls want that the most from a man. In other words, you can speak their language and understand girls much better than the alpha-caveman with zero emotional intelligence. If you can do the things "I love talking on the phone, and talking about my feelings." you are a perfect guy who every girl is looking for. But, a man needs a male model to pick up some basic behavioral stuff to feel good and confident about himself. IMO you can pick up the stuff from your friends, relatives and co-workers.
Crusoe Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I have already ordered a series of Art of Gentleman like books. Many of them talk about being less sensative, more head strong, and determined. Stubborn and uncomprimising on morals and ideals. Being more the alpha-male. In other words, just another phoney. It's all b*ll*cks. F*ck being what a book says you should be, f*ck being what a woman wants you to be. You won't find happiness by putting on a woolen jacket, bleating the words of others, and living your life as if painting by numbers. Just be yourself, that's the MAN you already are.
OldSkool Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I always considered a real man to have these qualities. 1. Fearless 2. Independent 3. Rock Solid Physically 4. Emotionless- No sissy talk about emotions. Honestly, all the real men that society has shown seem to have these qualities. The Action-hero if you will. IMO the characteristics of a real man are close to what you have listed. 1. Courage - "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgement that something else is more important than fear" (Ambrose Redmoon) 2. Self Sufficiency 3. Not a couch potato 4. Self Control 5. Charitable 6. Humility Hi, MrNate. To me, a "real man" is essentially the same as a "real woman": he's a person who is true to himself and who lives a life that has meaning and joy for him. Because he is self-sufficient and whole on his own, he has love to give the people in his life he cares about. He doesn't NEED those people, so he doesn't cling to them in desperation. He is complete, so he can give love, and receive it, without grabbing and squeezing the life out of it because he is afraid of losing it. ^^ THIS!!
SxB Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 "My mother made me into a very sensative guy. I am a hopeless romantic, smile all the time, and am overall nice guy. I avoid personal confrontation, and am very intouch with my emotions. I love talking on the phone, and talking about my feelings. Lets face it these aren't things that a real man does...." It feels like I am reading a chicks post, if you hadn't told us you were male I might have gotten a hard on. When you stop being passive all of those things will change and then you can be yourself.
Pyro Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 That is a good point and perhaps true. However, I think that the question remains about whether this is doing a disservice to your child as he/she is the one that has to bear the burden of not having another parent and all the stigma and problems that this entails. After all, we all want things that don't happen. Being a single parent out of necessity is understandable and commendable, but willfully robbing a child of a father and all the issues that may entail (everything from the stigma of not having a father to being orphaned should something happen to you) is somewhat selfish if you ask me. I see your point and it is a good one as well. I don't agree with the selfish part. If the woman is how I described her and she has the money to support the child by herself then I see nothing selfish about that. Not every child will benefit from having a father around, especially if they are a $hitty parent.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 The few men I can think of that I regard as Great Men are older businessmen that I interact with in running my business. They are happy, generous, and kind, and now that they have risen to greatness, they have an almost obsessive fixation on helping other people reach their own full potential. They are very fatherly, in the sense that they are strong, successful, and eager to share their extra resources (whether intellectual, emotional, or material) to empower others to rise to greatness. I am thinking of two men in particular. They completely inspire me every time I talk to them, and make me feel I am wonderful just as I am and can do anything. We have this one older, established, successful client who is an absolute dream, and he conducts himself as a loving father to all. He has thrown a lot of challenges at my small business, and generous monthly checks!, and we are working very hard to keep up. He is always gracious about our work, even when it takes us a while to figure something out. He praises our improvements, and never, ever criticizes or complains. Because of his graciousness, he gets our best energy and attention. I told him during a phone call the other day that when he hired us, he was our first BIG client, and we were over the moon and knew that we had arrived. Of course, it just tickled him to know that all his nurturing and generosity is helping us thrive.
Crusoe Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 The few men I can think of that I regard as Great Men are older businessmen that I interact with in running my business. They are happy, generous, and kind, and now that they have risen to greatness, they have an almost obsessive fixation on helping other people reach their own full potential. I know men like that, not sure if it's something you can suddenly learn though. Time and experience are the best teachers. Sure, a fella can aspire, but under pressure, in times of stress, natural instinct takes over. All the great men I've known are all very different. Some are jokers, some are talkers, some wear their heart on there sleeve, some quiet, stoic and strong, yet they reached the top and "became", from being who they naturally are. That is is one thing they have in common. They know themselves, they like themselves, and they get along with themselves. They never try to be what they're not, because in times of stress, that unnatural behavior will let them down.
Sanman Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I see your point and it is a good one as well. I don't agree with the selfish part. If the woman is how I described her and she has the money to support the child by herself then I see nothing selfish about that. Not every child will benefit from having a father around, especially if they are a $hitty parent. I think anyone can benefit from having a GOOD father around. Remember, not all these women are great mothers either. Having money to support a child is only one aspect of parenthood. A good career in the U.S. generally means long hours. If mom is doing long hours, then who is taking care of the child? I don't think you need a father in every single case, but there should be a good role model of both genders if you want to raise a healthy child. We screen adoptive parents fairly thoroughly when they are pulling kids out of group homes and even a single parent would do great in those situations. Yet, anyone with enough cash to pay the doc can be the next octo-mom regardless of how healthy that decision really is. Just my thoughts.
musemaj11 Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 That is a good point and perhaps true. However, I think that the question remains about whether this is doing a disservice to your child as he/she is the one that has to bear the burden of not having another parent and all the stigma and problems that this entails. After all, we all want things that don't happen. Being a single parent out of necessity is understandable and commendable, but willfully robbing a child of a father and all the issues that may entail (everything from the stigma of not having a father to being orphaned should something happen to you) is somewhat selfish if you ask me. As tom leykis said, wanting a child is like wanting a bmw. It all comes down to selfish desire. Most people who want children don't think about the children themselves. They think about what they want. This is why even poor homeless people still have kids.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 A real man, is someone who is burly, with plenty of hair all over their body. They also don't show emotions, they aren't scared of anyone, and they like sports and drink beer regulary.
Sanman Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 A real man, is someone who is burly, with plenty of hair all over their body. They also don't show emotions, they aren't scared of anyone, and they like sports and drink beer regulary. Not true, I do like to show emotions, enjoy theater, intellectual conversations, and even wine. There are times that I am scared, I just don't let it paralyze me as that never helps. I am also a proud nerd. If you don't believe I am also real man, I can haul my burly 6' tall, gym toned, tattooed, beer drinking carcass over there and show you I am a real man with my two decades of martial arts and boxing experience. Otherwise, I'll be out working on my car. Don't put men in boxes. We are not one of the other. All of the above is true about me.
sanskrit Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 As tom leykis said, wanting a child is like wanting a bmw. It all comes down to selfish desire. Most people who want children don't think about the children themselves. They think about what they want. This is why even poor homeless people still have kids. Sadly true. Even worse is that most children are the product of little if any thought at all, just as Harvey Danger sang: "Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding, the cretins cloning and feeding... and I don't even own a TV."
Bj099235 Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 I wish we could drop the whike "real man" and "real woman" thing. Everyone's different. I wish people were attracted to other people just because they are, not because of stereotypical gender reasons.
D-Lish Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 I always considered a real man to have these qualities. 1. Fearless 2. Independent 3. Rock Solid Physically 4. Emotionless- No sissy talk about emotions. Honestly, all the real men that society has shown seem to have these qualities. The Action-hero if you will. I think you're way off on your belief of what maeks a real man. My ex couldn't talk about emotions- he couldn't talk about anything remotely serious or emotional. By the end of our relationship I felt so alone and worn out- being with a man that can't communicate is the worst situtation.... It's awful. I'd like to find someone that can be sensitive when needed, but have the ability to confront me when I step out of line. That would be ideal.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Not true, I do like to show emotions, enjoy theater, intellectual conversations, and even wine. There are times that I am scared, I just don't let it paralyze me as that never helps. I am also a proud nerd. If you don't believe I am also real man, I can haul my burly 6' tall, gym toned, tattooed, beer drinking carcass over there and show you I am a real man with my two decades of martial arts and boxing experience. Otherwise, I'll be out working on my car. Don't put men in boxes. We are not one of the other. All of the above is true about me. I know. I was just joking around, I was a bit drunk when I written the post. I honestly don't know what makes a 'real' man.
Recommended Posts