thatone Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Hey y'all....just wanted to give an update. So after our conversation...he started texting me saying "No I think you misunderstood me....I just meant that I hope you'll stick around even though I am really busy the next 2 weeks." And "I'm not seeing anyone else." I was kind of floored by the whole conversation...and I wasn't really sure how to respond. Plus I did NOT want to do this over text. So i didn't say anything. He texted me several times...and then when he was done he called me...but I was out so I didn't answer. I called him back around 10pm. And I explained to him that the reason that all of this came up was because I had made tentative plans with an EHarmony guy and I realized that I didn't want to go...blah blah blah. Anyway...he said "When you told me that you werent going to see anyone else it made me smile." So why didn't he tell me??? LOL. Anyway he apologized and said he really likes me and didn't mean that he was "busy" but that he knows that his schedule is crazy and since I wouldn't see him this weekend...he was hoping I would stick around. But then he also said after thinking about it...I am also really busy...and I have been more than understanding about his schedule...and he plans to be when I get even busier the next couple weeks. (Starting rehearsal for some shows). He told me that he was really nervous when I didn't respond to his texts or his phone call. So I thought everything was fine...and that was Thursday night. He said he was driving and would talk to me later. Well around midnight I got a "I didn't forget about you! Just wanted to say goodnight." I haven't heard from him since. Men are so weird. LOL word of advice... when you had that conversation with him, and he agreed, that means you don't get to ignore his phone calls and texts anymore. unless you wanna have a big fight about it pretty soon, in which case, by all means continue to do so.
Author SingVoice Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 I wasn't totally ignoring him. He just sent a couple of "explanatory" texts...and I knew that I didn't want to continue the discussion over text. Plus I'll be honest...I was hurt and trying to figure out what to even SAY. And I DID call him back. I happen to miss his call because I was at dinner with a friend. So I am NOT still ignoring him. And I wasn't ignoring him to start a fight or anything...I was just trying to process it all.
thatone Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I wasn't totally ignoring him. He just sent a couple of "explanatory" texts...and I knew that I didn't want to continue the discussion over text. Plus I'll be honest...I was hurt and trying to figure out what to even SAY. And I DID call him back. I happen to miss his call because I was at dinner with a friend. So I am NOT still ignoring him. And I wasn't ignoring him to start a fight or anything...I was just trying to process it all. yeah but he didn't know, you said he admitted that he was nervous when you didn't reply. nervous pretty easily turns into lots of other bad emotions. you both agreed that you're beyond casual dating and not going to date other people. that means that you stop playing dating games. he can't read your mind. yeah i know it seems minor, but when such tendencies get beyond phone calls isn't. you both agreed to take a step beyond casual dating. so you both have to be more available and honest with each other. that's how it works. you can't decide to go back into casual dating mode whenever you feel like it, or he will go back into waitress flirting mode when he feels like it.
dispatch3d Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 if you're still dating him in 4-6 months or a year, tell him there. For now just keep quiet about it. You may rattle his confidence.
dispatch3d Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Hmm...interesting points. I guess I am a little concerned because he told me that he had told one of his friends that I was on EH. So...I don't know if that was like...a concern of his or whatever. He has already told his family/friends about me. Actually he wanted his bff to meet me last weekend but it ended up not working out. He also told me a few days ago that I was a "good catch and he was going to work to keep me." I am not asking to be boyfriend/girlfriend or anything. It's just....ugh...this might sound shallow...but I do get hit on a lot. I actually got hit on WHILE I was on a date with him! Haha...he's going out of town with family this weekend and I am going out with the girls...and I think there is a part of me that just doesn't want him to worry. I WANT him to know that I am taking "us" seriously. I see your point about the "pendulum" swinging thing...but I also think that when things click...they just click. If that's the case he's going to have to get used to being confident/not worrying about that stuff. All the same I'd hold of on telling him right away. Better to slide into this kind of stuff IMO...
Author SingVoice Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 yeah but he didn't know, you said he admitted that he was nervous when you didn't reply. nervous pretty easily turns into lots of other bad emotions. you both agreed that you're beyond casual dating and not going to date other people. that means that you stop playing dating games. he can't read your mind. yeah i know it seems minor, but when such tendencies get beyond phone calls isn't. you both agreed to take a step beyond casual dating. so you both have to be more available and honest with each other. that's how it works. you can't decide to go back into casual dating mode whenever you feel like it, or he will go back into waitress flirting mode when he feels like it. Ok I agree with you. So then what do I do now? I don't want to go back into casual dating mode...but I guess I am not sure what to do or say now. I am a little bit scared because since he is "busy" I don't want to overwhelm him. And I haven't heard from him...so I'm just afraid to push him if he wants space or something.
thatone Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) don't over analyze or over plan those things in your mind. you should know roughly what his schedule is now, and he should know yours as well. so call or text him when you have a reasonable expectation of him not being busy. when he calls or texts you, reply with something, even if it's just "sorry busy with something lemme call you back in about 30 minutes", and then do actually call him back in 30 minutes. those little things make a difference. that lets the other person know that you're doing your best to be available and honest to them. the same can be extended to conversation about more serious than dating things, such as thoughts on money, relationships, careers, etc. you don't have to move too quickly into those things, you can tell each other that you're not comfortable with certain things yet, but you do need to give him honest answers, you can't push him away or ignore him anymore, you have to tell him what you think. as of right now you have a common trust, in that you both agreed to stop dating other people. maintaining that trust is what will keep it going. and the first step in maintaining that trust is being more honest/available than you would be to someone that you're just dating. Edited May 22, 2011 by thatone
Author SingVoice Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 I wasn't sure when he was coming back in town from this wedding he was at...because he really didn't tell me when he was leaving or anything. Well last night...I got an email from him. Since I have known him...he has only sent me ONE email....and it was a dirty picture...haha. The email was like...2 lines. He said..."How was the big night out at ****? I'm still in Minnesota. I'll see you tomorrow at work." I sent a very casual response back...wished him safe travels...etc. I'm not sure why he sent me an email as opposed to a text....it's kind of strange. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing!
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