chucksagent Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 My cousin and I were having a few beers the other night and he asked me my opinion on this: He is dating a woman who just recently got out of therapy. She was married for 10 years before him but they divorced because the love just wasn't there anymore. The same year she had several family issues come up so she decided to (voluntarily) talk to someone and it worked out real well. (She only saw him for roughly 18 months and he helped her a lot) The therapist had her phone # because they would text about appointment times and such to confirm. Last weekend she received a text from the therapist (keep in mind she ended therapy with him a month ago and he agreed she didn't need it anymore) saying something to the effect of "Saw this billboard that said "blah blah blah (forget what the joke was)" and thought you'd find it funny." It was NOTHING relevant to the treatment or issues brought up in therapy. This was the first communication since she ended therapy with him. She was open and honest and told my cousin AS SOON as she got the text. She even went as far as to show my cousin their chat history (it's an IPhone so it keeps it all) from texts in the past and for months it was ONLY strictly confirming appointments. She is in her late 30's and he is in late 40's early 50's my cousin thinks. Allegedly he has a girlfriend as well and the therapist knows she is dating my cousin. My cousins girlfriend is EXTREMELY hot and everyone who meets her knows this. She has an AMAZING personality and soooo down to earth for a hot girl - it's like she doesn't know shes hot. The reason I say this is I strongly question whether the therapist is messaging a 400lb older woman "Thinking you'd enjoy this" messages. My cousin wasn't worried until I pointed that put - he and his girlfriend just thought it was very strange. He said the girlfriend didn't write back. What do you all make of this? Is it normal for therapists to text message old patients things like this?
Lauriebell82 Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I am a therapist, and in my experience in the field, aftercare is a HUGE part of treatment. Treatment/therapy/support doesn't end just because someone discontinues treatment and walks out the door. I don't think it's odd or innapropriate that the therapist text her a pic of a billboard unless it had something offensive or sexual or something on it that would do more harm to the client then good. Even if the billboard was NOT relevant to her treatment, the therapist may have thought that a funny joke would cheer her up or make her smile. It shows he still cares about her wellbeing. I don't think it's strange at all.
Author chucksagent Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Very possible. So you don't think there is any chance it was because she is attractive and he is a man? You would be willing to bet he text messages ALL of his patients when he see's things that remind him of them OR will cheer them up? Because I too am a professional, and I gotta tell ya - If I texted EVERY former client (Much less CURRENT clients) I'd be doing an AWFUL lot of texting...LOL!
2sunny Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Very possible. So you don't think there is any chance it was because she is attractive and he is a man? You would be willing to bet he text messages ALL of his patients when he see's things that remind him of them OR will cheer them up? Because I too am a professional, and I gotta tell ya - If I texted EVERY former client (Much less CURRENT clients) I'd be doing an AWFUL lot of texting...LOL! i think you're looking way too far into it being something other than what it is. a response was never needed - just a gesture sending positive energy someone's way... that is all. we should all be doing that in the world - sending out positive energy with expecting nothing in return. since no question was asked - and no response needed - i see it as sending out positive energy for someone who could use it... nothing wrong with that.
Author chucksagent Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 If I'm looking too far into it, any chance you're not looking enough? You think therapists text message any and all of their old patients?
2sunny Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 If I'm looking too far into it, any chance you're not looking enough? You think therapists text message any and all of their old patients? never said all... what was the billboard portraying?
Author chucksagent Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 I didn't want to get too specific for anonymity purposes; but here goes, lol. She says this one word a lot (which refers to tools or morons) with different endings on the word....I've met her several times and heard her use it. She must have said it to the therapist as well because the billboard had nothing on it except a saying....the KEY word in the saying was that word she uses to refer to tools or morons USING one of the custom endings she has been known to use. Who cares, he goes: "Douchenozzle, doucheasaurusrex, doucheerooner, etc." These are examples of what she says. The billboard said "Clearly there is douchebaggery afoot!" His text said "I saw this on a billboard and thought you'd find it funny. "Clearly there is douchebaggery afoot!" Lol." End of text.
betterdeal Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 My therapist invited me to her art exhibition. She specialises in nudes and love scenes. She's also a 50 year old mother of four and I am a 37 year old man. I'm friends with her on Facebook. It was just friendly. Are you friendly with this amazing, down to Earth, hot girl who is with your cousin?
Eve Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 There could be more into it, then again there may not be.. I would be concerned that you don't think that this woman can handle herself. That's what bothers me more than anything else. Just because you are going out with someone doesn't mean their attractiveness has to go away or be confined to your cousin. Anyhow, I didn't understand the pun. Sounded like a stupid joke to me.. An 8 month relationship is a big thing. Maybe the therapist is modeling a new form of relationship? Sounds like she had a pretty crappy time in her former marriage and could well do with male intimacy, without sexual connotations. The joke will need translating because I don't know if there is a sexual element or not.. due to it not being funny though. If she is willing to share the texts then yeah that shows she has nothing to hide but I would not jump to the conclusion that she does not know how to shut a guy down (if he does go too far) just because she is attractive. Your cousin needs to just be supportive of her and understand what has transpired for her within her therapy.. That's what I think anyway. Take care, Eve x
betterdeal Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Therapists are not authoritarians. They spend as much time observing their own feelings as their client's and then work with a mentor (another therapist) to discuss any possible conflicts in their own feelings with their client's and their own best interests. This is how reputable therapists work. It is necessary to be aware of the client-therapist relationship so that both parties are protected from harm. They are, fundamentally, human, and sending a harmless joke by text post therapy is a good way to show that the relationship between them and their client is genuine. It shows us that this person we connected to, in a therapeutic setting, is a person and that even pretty girls can have platonic friends of either sex. I think you are exhibiting hyper-vigilance and why you are doing so is to do with you, your experiences, your thought and feelings, more so than hers, her therapist or your cousins.
Author chucksagent Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Well said, it is because of my own issues - not theirs... I am not a sheep who is blind to the real world, though I would LOVE to be. You know the saying ignorence is bliss? I'd love to be clueless to how the world works. But for me, I stick to my gut instincts. I am willing to bet (maybe I would lose this bet) he doesn't send men or unattractive women "thinking of you" texts. Her friend (who isn't as attractive but also female) used the same therapist (how she found him) and NEVER got a text in all her time with him, during OR post. Found that info out since my first post when I spoke to my cousin again today via cell. I judge people by actions - not words...it's the ONLY way to see through the BS. If all of you people TRULY contend that it's normal for therapists to text former patients than I am wrong to assume what I did. But as a fellow professional, I simpyl don't see how it's feasible to keep in contact with all your old clients. However, a therapist more THAN ANY profession has a duty in this regard because they know sooooooo much personal information about the person they can use to their advantage sexually and mentally. She isn't getting texts from her divorce lawyer cracking jokes or her gyno giving little pieces of insight.
Ira Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 My question to you is why did you feel that we needed to know this info 400lb older woman ??? What does that have to do with any of it?
betterdeal Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 What do you want us to say? If you're so sure of the real world, why are you here asking us about this?
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 It's definitely not abnormal. If he had a pattern of texting her frequently, said inappropriate things, or behaved inapproporiately to her during the 18 months she spent with him, then I would understand the concern. Seems a little premature to wig out (and wig someone else out) over one text, though.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Well said, it is because of my own issues - not theirs... I am not a sheep who is blind to the real world, though I would LOVE to be. You know the saying ignorence is bliss? I'd love to be clueless to how the world works. But for me, I stick to my gut instincts. I am willing to bet (maybe I would lose this bet) he doesn't send men or unattractive women "thinking of you" texts. Her friend (who isn't as attractive but also female) used the same therapist (how she found him) and NEVER got a text in all her time with him, during OR post. Found that info out since my first post when I spoke to my cousin again today via cell. I judge people by actions - not words...it's the ONLY way to see through the BS. If all of you people TRULY contend that it's normal for therapists to text former patients than I am wrong to assume what I did. But as a fellow professional, I simpyl don't see how it's feasible to keep in contact with all your old clients. However, a therapist more THAN ANY profession has a duty in this regard because they know sooooooo much personal information about the person they can use to their advantage sexually and mentally. She isn't getting texts from her divorce lawyer cracking jokes or her gyno giving little pieces of insight. Wow, you're really worked up over this. If I were your cousin, I'd be a llittle more concerned about YOUR attachment to his girlfriend than the therapist. You don't have to "protect" her - or them - they're adults and can handle themselves and their relationship.
Author chucksagent Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Ira - I was making a point that if this was an unattractive woman out of his age range I doubt he'd be sending her a "reminded me of you" text message. I wasn't attacking old or fat women, just making a point that there is a strong possibility that she got the text because she is younger and attractive. As a professional myself, my point, which many of you still haven't commented on, is that if I text messaged EVERY client I have, much less EX clients, I would have NO time left in a day. So my point is, why her? Probably just a coincidence she is young and attractive I guess? One of the recent posts made a fair point. I am worrying a little prematurely. No question about that. But thinking ahead and trying to figure out people and situations is how I make my living and what I'm best at. There is a STRONG possibility I am way off. But, I think many of you are being foolish to IGNORE the possibility. A few of you have said it best when you took the middle ground. Not enough has really happened YET to make an assessment. Meaning, you agree, a text randomly to an old patient is a little out of the ordinary, but doesn't mean he has bad intentions. I worry for my cousin because he is a trusting soul who was already cheated on once and I am very protective of him. That's the problem with people who are too trusting, they are easy targets for heartache. And my buddy who went to Cornell who is VERY wise pointed out to me yesterday, that of ALL professionals, a therapist is the LAST that should try to date their patients after treatment. Because they, like us, are human too - if they are very attracted or fall in love with a patient, they have ALL the goods on them to manipulate them or make them fall in love back. Unfair advantage if you think about it. Not saying this is what this particular therapist did at all. Just saying, it's possible. What if he sent that text like dangling a little piece of bait out there to see what she does? If she doesn nothing, it was just a nice gesture. BUT, what if she wrote back? Would he have kept the convo going? Who knows?
betterdeal Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 How about pulling your head out of all those parallel universes you've conjured up and dealing with this one as it is? He hasn't asked her out, she hasn't text him back, she is with your cousin.
Eve Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Ira - I was making a point that if this was an unattractive woman out of his age range I doubt he'd be sending her a "reminded me of you" text message. I wasn't attacking old or fat women, just making a point that there is a strong possibility that she got the text because she is younger and attractive. As a professional myself, my point, which many of you still haven't commented on, is that if I text messaged EVERY client I have, much less EX clients, I would have NO time left in a day. So my point is, why her? Probably just a coincidence she is young and attractive I guess? One of the recent posts made a fair point. I am worrying a little prematurely. No question about that. But thinking ahead and trying to figure out people and situations is how I make my living and what I'm best at. There is a STRONG possibility I am way off. But, I think many of you are being foolish to IGNORE the possibility. A few of you have said it best when you took the middle ground. Not enough has really happened YET to make an assessment. Meaning, you agree, a text randomly to an old patient is a little out of the ordinary, but doesn't mean he has bad intentions. I worry for my cousin because he is a trusting soul who was already cheated on once and I am very protective of him. That's the problem with people who are too trusting, they are easy targets for heartache. And my buddy who went to Cornell who is VERY wise pointed out to me yesterday, that of ALL professionals, a therapist is the LAST that should try to date their patients after treatment. Because they, like us, are human too - if they are very attracted or fall in love with a patient, they have ALL the goods on them to manipulate them or make them fall in love back. Unfair advantage if you think about it. Not saying this is what this particular therapist did at all. Just saying, it's possible. What if he sent that text like dangling a little piece of bait out there to see what she does? If she doesn nothing, it was just a nice gesture. BUT, what if she wrote back? Would he have kept the convo going? Who knows? Well, ok, I kind of see your concern for your cousin here but think that you have to let them sort it out. The attractiveness thing has got you a bit here methinks. In a therapeutic relationship one can't be fickle and base it on such things as attractiveness! So yes, he could well text someone who is not that attractive in the conventional sense. Sorry for my error in my other post, I did of course read that you said that Cousins gf had 18 months of therapy. Where I live that is A LOT of therapy! I hope it was really useful for her. At the end of the day if she is going to cheat then she is going to cheat but I don't see any indications that she wants this, from the info given. Cousin just sounds like a lucky guy to me! At least she has done some work on herself and is willing to share parts of her experience with him. This is how I kind of see the interaction noted by yourself. If I were him I would tread very carefully on this one. If he makes fun of this therapist person he could find his own insecurity may not be tolerated by his gf as she will have (hopefully) developed some resistance to such things. Also, if the therapist guy has lost his mind and is making a play for her, he needs to be calm about things and assess what he then needs to do. She may want support with this. Be vigilant but try and give her the benefit of the doubt. They are two formerly hurting people who may have found some peace in each other. Romantic that I am, lets hope they make it! Nah, she doesn't sound like a cow to me... but I could be wrong. Take care, Eve x
Author chucksagent Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 BOLD BOLD BOLD BOLD BOLD UPDATE!!!!!! Ok, spoke to my cousin yesterday afternoon. GET THIS! His girlfriend has been getting phone calls from a "blocked" number. She has NEVER gotten these phone calls EVER before, except, drum roll please....brrrrrrrr.... .......her Therapist called to confirm appointments!!!!! She hasn't answer a single one of the phone calls. This all happened last week. She got 4 spread out through M-F (all during the day) but then...are you ready for this...2 calls BACK TO BACK 11:28 and 11:30 PM on Saturday night!!!!!! Granted, this DOES NOT MEAN it is the therapist. Any guy can call her for ANY reason and block his number. But you know how on I-Phones you can't just delete 1 incoming call without deleting them all (at least that's what she and my cousin think, I truly don't know)...well....she showed him her phone and she hasn't received any phone calls from guys since they started dating. I applaud she went out of her way to assure my cousin even though he wouldn't have asked her to (he isn't as crazy as I am). So what now folks? Absolutely could JUST be a coincidence...BUT these blocked calls, nobody is leaving voicemails...Just like I said last week, he is clever, doesn't wanna leave a trail. The text was just friendly and open ended - she could text back if she wanted to but didn't appear to the reasonable person he expected a reply. Finally, EVEN IF WE KNOW it's him and he called from the blocked # during the day - isn't horrible because he's done that before to confirm appointments...BUT the 2 calls right in a row at 11:28 and 11:30 are VERY concerning (if in fact it's him). Our evidence is still VERY light...but some would argue hard to ignore. Thoughts?
betterdeal Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I still think you especially are overreacting. She is with your cousin, not you, the therapist, me or any other man. She's hot - you fancy her, other men fancy her, hell, I fancy her given how much you fancy her, and so men will hit on her. It's how she handles that it matters, and and she's done nothing, absolutely nothing, to suggest she is going to be dropping her knickers for the first wink and drink merchant that approaches her. Go and get laid already.
Author chucksagent Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 betterdeal - you're actually 100% correct...lol..as much as I'd like to argue since I feel a little insulted, I have to tip my cap when it's due. I actually just had lunch with a friend of mine (who is also friends with my cousin) and he said the EXACT same thing you did LMFAO. He goes "dude, she's a hot girl; she WILL get on, bottom line. It's up to her to act appropriately. She didn't text back OR answer the phone calls - your cousin wins!." And I agree that's the truth. My original post though was whether or not it's wrong for her therapist to hit on her. I, another professional, know that my rules of conduct prohibit me from dating clients UNLESS I am with them ahead of time (prior to them being a client). And I def. need to get laid A LOT more...good observation - lol.
betterdeal Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Glad to hear we're on the same page! I don't know enough about the law regarding abuse of trust between adults here in the UK, and I assume you're in the USA and I know even less about it there. That, alongside only hearing some very weak circumstantial evidence that can easily be seen to be completely innocent or irrelevant, and the fact that she's not in his care now, makes me think there is nothing here to worry about. I won't entertain all the ifs you've come up with because I don't care enough to imagine something with you in order to reach the same conclusion that you have. I suspect you're reading too much into this because you fancy her, but I also think you respect your cousin and her relationship and boundaries. So go and find someone else you fancy and get with the sexy times!
Author chucksagent Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 Not for nothing - my cousin called me yesterday...apparently his girlfriend and 2 of her best friends went out to dinner... When she told them about the therapist texting her, BOTH of their immediate reactions were "that's highly innapropriate!" So, I may not be crazy after all! Lol. Wooooooooo!!!!
betterdeal Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Chicks gossip. Not to say they're wrong. Or right.
pilotDXB Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Its weird that a male cant send a completely platonic text message without there being insinuations from others that its for a sexual purpose.
Recommended Posts