guitarxkid Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 For those of you who were hurt by you ex, did not end on good terms and/or your ex is now with someone else, do you think it's best to stay mad at them and any time you might see them ignore it or do you think the dumpee should let it go and just be nice if the time does come when you run into your ex
Sugarkane Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 My ex ended things extremely bad with me. To say he was a bad dumepr would be a gross understatement. So I don't see why I should "be nice" to my ex at all. He wasn't even remotely nice to me, when he decided to dump and insult me by text. I want to reach complete indifference, so if I did ever run intomy ex I don't give a rats ass about him. I'd rather just ignore him. He doesn't deserve even the time of day, after what he did to me.
Kodo Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Holding onto the hate can't be healthy. "Forgive" them but never forget it. Forgive them for making a stupid decision. Forgive them for not caring about other feelings. But don't forget it. That way when you encounter them again you'll be strong enough to maintain your dignity infront of others who won't care who is the good or bad guy. But you'll also be cautious from being the victim again. In my case, my ex is now a stranger to me that I haven no intention of knowing. If I see her I'll politely smile if necessary, if she's slumped on the floor I'll provide first aid. Otherwise, I don't care.
Author guitarxkid Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Holding onto the hate can't be healthy. "Forgive" them but never forget it. Forgive them for making a stupid decision. Forgive them for not caring about other feelings. But don't forget it. That way when you encounter them again you'll be strong enough to maintain your dignity infront of others who won't care who is the good or bad guy. But you'll also be cautious from being the victim again. In my case, my ex is now a stranger to me that I haven no intention of knowing. If I see her I'll politely smile if necessary, if she's slumped on the floor I'll provide first aid. Otherwise, I don't care. That sounds about right. After a while of NC and some time to get over your feelings thats probably the right thing to do. What about in a situation where it's still extremely bitter between the two shortly after the start of NC? Just give it time?
Kodo Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 What about in a situation where it's still extremely bitter between the two shortly after the start of NC? Just give it time? I'd say the same approach. Bitter feelings shouldn't last forever. If everything came to a halt at the first angry thought, none of us would make it past 1 year old. How often do we fight with family and the next day it's like it never happened.
melenkurion Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 do you think it's best to stay mad at them and any time you might see them ignore it or do you think the dumpee should let it go and just be nice if the time does come when you run into your ex A mixture of the two. I want to end up where yes, I've let it go, but if I happen to see him I just nod, smile, and walk right on by. I don't want to be mad, it will eat away at me. However, he is someone that treated me very badly, so I don't see a need to stop for a nice chat. It wasn't OK to treat me that way, and recognising that fact doesn't make me bitter.
Graceful Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 For those of you who were hurt by you ex, did not end on good terms and/or your ex is now with someone else, do you think it's best to stay mad at them and any time you might see them ignore it or do you think the dumpee should let it go and just be nice if the time does come when you run into your ex The best way to look at it in the long run, is to make peace with what happened, and make peace with yourself. The word "forgiveness" is very confusing for most people, and not necessary. Making peace with yourself implies that you've accepted what happened and even if you were treated poorly, you no longer take it personally. You understand that your ex owns their behavior, and you own your's. If you honestly know you treated someone well while you were in the relationship, making peace with yourself does come in time. If you ever see your ex, it's always best to make an acknowledgment, a nod, a slight smile, a faint wave, whatever. If you're in a situation where your ex can't see you, no, I would not go out of my way to say hello, but if you run into someone, nod, say hi, and keep walking. It does take time, but deliberately trying to stay angry is not helpful. And let me tell you, being polite to someone is just common courtesy, it's just being decent. And being polite feels good. It does come in time. And it feels damn good, let me tell you from experience. It would not phase me at all to see my ex, he doesn't own the sidewalk, he doesn't own the road, he's just a guy, nothin' special to me.
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