irc333 Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I have a friend of mine, and he's a good looking single guy, so he does pretty well with actually women giving him their number and they even initiate wanting to get together. So he hasn't been really pushing women or doing much of a pursuit to get them. But everytime he calls a woman to take the up on THEIR offer, it takes them a week or so to return his call or get back to him. Typically, they'd be too late for me to even care. This has happened with me, too. I would get a woman's number, call her up in the middle of the week to do something on the weekend. BUt she wouldn't return my call or email until AFTER that weekend. I'd just assume NEVER return my call actually. So why do people do this?
Rinnix Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 It's apart of dating games. They don't want to look too available. (Unless they really are busy.) I wouldn't be bothered with the games, if they don't reply I'm moving on.
Ms. Joolie Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 This has happened with me, too. I would get a woman's number, call her up in the middle of the week to do something on the weekend. It's a bit rash to call up a woman on Wednesday and expect her to do something with you on the weekend. If it's your SO, that's one thing, but if this is a new woman you will have to coordinate together about when it would be a good time to get together. And about the phone calls, calling a woman once and leaving a message just isn't enough to get a date for the weekend. Call her once and if she doesn't return your call, call again the next week. If you still don't hear from her, and it's been two weeks, then let it go. People really are busy with other things, and it may take a bit more effort on your part to initiate a conversation or begin a relationship - especially if all you have is a phone number.
Author irc333 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 (edited) It's a bit rash to call up a woman on Wednesday and expect her to do something with you on the weekend. If it's your SO, that's one thing, but if this is a new woman you will have to coordinate together about when it would be a good time to get together. Um, not it isn't rash at all. Not sure what gave you that idea, but whatever, I'm just giving an example. Of course, if they aren't available for the weekend, I would THEN co-ordinate. Of course, your basing your post of your own personal preference, so what you stated is somewhat biased. Actually, he would give them 2nd or 3rd calls sometimes...each time they'd either severely late at getting back with him, some not at all...and of course, like you just said....he would move on. Some fade and fizzle. Usually the whole getting back to you late pretty much is working its way into the fizzle. He got sick of dealing with women that don't even reply to him, but when they see him in public with a bunch of friends they are like "OH, I'm sorry, I meant to get back to you but....<insert lame excuse here>" And what happens is, you fall for it, so you continue pursuite, and she does it AGAIN. Edited May 19, 2011 by irc333
Ms. Joolie Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 You are saying they return your calls "way too late" and "severely late", yet you only state ONE WEEK as being late to you, can you clarify on that? How late is severely late or way too late for you? When are they actually returning your calls?
Ms. Joolie Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 My opinion is that you give a couple of phone calls and give them a 2-3 week time frame to work with. Have that be your new standard. If you don't reach them and they don't return your calls within that time period, then you can let go. It just seems to me that you have been pushing this ONE WEEK thing and that hasn't been working.
Author irc333 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 My opinion is that you give a couple of phone calls and give them a 2-3 week time frame to work with. Have that be your new standard. If you don't reach them and they don't return your calls within that time period, then you can let go. It just seems to me that you have been pushing this ONE WEEK thing and that hasn't been working. I was actually referring to someoen else....I just mentioned it happened me occasionally to. I haven't been pushing anything for ONE week. He actually gives them beyond that. I think this is a technique women use to blow guys off, they return calls, yes....but if you're going to take a week or longer to return a call...I would be okay with it, but if you continue to do it, I move on. I get sick of hearing this "I meant to call you" bullcrap. With all this technology available to us like FB there's really no excuse for a quicker turn around/response. Responding unreasonably late is kind of a turn off for me actually. Funny, I'm a busy person, too, but I don't have a problem with returning calls/responses to emails in a timely fashion.
Ms. Joolie Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Responding unreasonably late is kind of a turn off for me actually. Funny, I'm a busy person, too, but I don't have a problem with returning calls/responses to emails in a timely fashion. For myself, when I want someone to respond to a text, I would like them to do so within a few hours max. (depending on situation, if the matter is more urgent it would be up to me to call them) When I want someone to respond to an email, I would like them to do so within a week. (Depending on the situation again, if the matter is urgent it would be up to me to call them.) When I want to reach someone - let's say a new relationship - by phone for something that does not need an immediate response, and simply want to get in touch with them to catch up or meet up, I would expect a little effort on my part to do so. I may have to leave a couple of voicemails. It may take a week to reach them and have a conversation. When they decide to get back to me is up to them. If I am truly interested in them, I will give them time to respond. Too much time for me would be having 3 weeks go by and not hearing from them. After no response, I would just let it go. Who knows what's going on with their side. No need to take it personally. Just let it go. If you see the person, you can just catch up with them at the time. No need to hold a grudge or make them wrong for not calling you back. They could have a million reasons for not calling you. Don't worry about it or let that ruffle you, just let it go and move on. Now if out of a dozen people no one returns your calls, then start being concerned!
Stung Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I have a friend of mine, and he's a good looking single guy, so he does pretty well with actually women giving him their number and they even initiate wanting to get together. So he hasn't been really pushing women or doing much of a pursuit to get them. But everytime he calls a woman to take the up on THEIR offer, it takes them a week or so to return his call or get back to him. Typically, they'd be too late for me to even care. This has happened with me, too. I would get a woman's number, call her up in the middle of the week to do something on the weekend. BUt she wouldn't return my call or email until AFTER that weekend. I'd just assume NEVER return my call actually. So why do people do this? That would be a turn-off for me, too, man or woman. If a person waits longer than a couple of days to call me, I assume they're playing games or they're just not all that interested, and I move on. I actually prefer to hear from the other person right away, rather than even wait a couple of days, but then I only ever wanted to date people who were really into me. It has happened though that the tardy caller had a good excuse. Sometimes life happens.
Mimolicious Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I have a friend of mine, and he's a good looking single guy, so he does pretty well with actually women giving him their number and they even initiate wanting to get together. So he hasn't been really pushing women or doing much of a pursuit to get them. But everytime he calls a woman to take the up on THEIR offer, it takes them a week or so to return his call or get back to him. Typically, they'd be too late for me to even care. This has happened with me, too. I would get a woman's number, call her up in the middle of the week to do something on the weekend. BUt she wouldn't return my call or email until AFTER that weekend. I'd just assume NEVER return my call actually. So why do people do this? What about, not everyone is as available as you may think they are.
thatone Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 That would be a turn-off for me, too, man or woman. If a person waits longer than a couple of days to call me, I assume they're playing games or they're just not all that interested, and I move on. I actually prefer to hear from the other person right away, rather than even wait a couple of days, but then I only ever wanted to date people who were really into me. It has happened though that the tardy caller had a good excuse. Sometimes life happens. there really isn't a good excuse i can think of, other than they lost their phone. it takes 1 minute to return a phone call. there are 24 hours in a day.
Author irc333 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 What about, not everyone is as available as you may think they are. Well, those are the kind of people I wouldn't want to date anyway, this pretty much means they are not interested enough to get back to you.
Stung Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 (edited) there really isn't a good excuse i can think of, other than they lost their phone. it takes 1 minute to return a phone call. there are 24 hours in a day. As I said, I do think most of the time if someone doesn't call it's because they're just not that interested, or they're playing games. However, I can think of several good excuses. Sometimes people have jobs where they can't use a phone, and they work unusual schedules that make it hard to keep normal hours. Sometimes they run straight from work to school, and during crunch weeks they really need to be cut some slack. Sometimes people go out of town, and are in an area with no cell reception. I do this whenever I can, actually, although it's not often enough these days. A few days in the mountains with no phones, no computer, can be very restorative. Sometimes people go through huge life events that change everything for them until they get re-centered: births, deaths, other big stressful things that take the focus off of themselves and their romantic lives for a little while. That's something I think most reasonable people can accept and work around. I once had been talking to/emailing with a guy for a few weeks and then went on a single very interesting, fun date with him. I thought we really clicked, and then I didn't hear from him for almost a month. I wrote him an email that went unanswered, and then I just figured he hadn't felt the click and he was doing a disappearing act, and I wrote him off and moved on. ...And then the hospital called me. He had been in a motorcycle accident the day after our date, and was in a coma for over two weeks. He'd been going through multiple surgeries. He asked the hospital to call me, once he was able to communicate and was able to have visitors. I thought that was a pretty damn good excuse . I went to visit him in the hospital and brought him homemade soup, and he was really touched. We stayed in contact as he went through months of physical therapy, and although we never became a couple, we did date a couple more times and then become good friends. The real moral: kids, don't ride motorcycles. Edited May 19, 2011 by Stung
iris219 Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 If you mean women you don't know well aren't calling back in a timely manner, it’s possible they’re shy/nervous when it comes to talking to people they don’t know. I’m sometimes like this when I first meet someone, so I avoid it as long as possible. If I’m mentally/emotionally drained from work and busy with other things, that makes the anxiety worse. I need to be in a calm place/mindset with few distractions in order to talk to them.
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