kalel Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 (edited) Hey guys/ girls Wonder if you can help. My girlfriend dumped me about 5 weeks ago out of the blue and I am having massive trouble getting over it. We were only going out for about 5 months but it was the most intense 5 months of my life. Bit of background – she is 33 and I’m 30 but we come from different backgrounds. I have a good job and plenty of money and she is from a slightly poorer background. We had different lives and will be unlikely to run into each other again... We had an amazing, intense and instant chemistry – we couldn’t keep our hands of each other. However due to her job (she worked nights) and mine we were barely able to contact each other during the week and only saw each other at weekends. Anyway in the last couple of weeks of the relationship – a few things happened. I was incredibly busy at work and contacted her very little, I was also invited on a last minute snowboard trip for a week with firends and for various reasons she could not come. She was also pushing me to go on a summer holiday with her in June and I wanted to - but was being indecisive about the dates. In all honesty I also became a bit of a wussy around her in those last few weeks – which didn’t help. Anyway I went snowbaording and when I came back she was suddenly very cold with me. She siad she had been to the doctors about a fairly serious problem - not life threatening but it made her upset. I asked why she hadnt told me - she said she didnt want to "disturb" me on my holiday. She told me that she had been thinking a lot whilst I was away and thought we were too different and she was also just feeling differently about me, felt overwhelmed and wanted to end it with me. I was shocked. We had never argued and the break up was civil but she was VERY COLD at it. She is an emotional person and it threw me off guard. She didn’t even offer friendship - she clearly never wanted to see me ever again. I held my nerve at the breakup but was clearly shaken. I then forced myself to go into NC for three weeks. Just prior to my snowboard trip - she had been doing lots of things for me and we had had lots of good s*x as normal. But in hindsight... She was a tiny bit more distant than normal... Within 2 weeks of the break up she deleted the photos of us together on Facebook (a huge deal for her when she put them up as she checks FB a lot). After 3 weeks NC I composed her an email where I just said that I apologised for my lack of contact in the last few weeks, I appreciated her and hoped that we could have some contact going forward. She didn’t reply. About 7 days later a girl “friend” of mine posted a lot of flirty stuff about me on my FB wall, implying a lot about me and her friend (who fancies me). Within 24 hours my ex has deleted me as a friend on FB, all our mutual friends, and removed the rest of the photos that I was in. I was completely removed from her life This was 2 weeks ago and I have not contacted her since. I am just wondering if I have any shot at all with this? Problem is – she once told about one of her exes who came and begged for her back and she said she found it extremely unattractive. She is very headstrong and passionate and my gut instinct is this will be tricky. I know she has not met someone else (long story) but am 100% sure. Is she angry at me or just trying to move on? If she is angry do I have a chance to turn this around? It is better that she is angry than just indifferent towards me right? Why didnt she respond to my email? Girls - if you have been angry at an ex, do I give it more time? How long is too long to leave it before she moves on (if she hasn't already...)? I feel completely helpless but I know if I push her too much she will just pull back further and find my behaviour more unattractive… PS – we have different lives / friends and never likely to bump into her again… Any ideas gratefully received...! Edited May 19, 2011 by kalel
2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 (edited) Hi Your story sounds very much like my own experience ,length of RL, only able to see each other maybe at wkends and the type of girl no mutual friends etc. Let me tell you my EX just turned really nasty and cold and it was almost as if she hated me and would never contact me, if I contacted her she would start playing games and I just couldn't get where she was coming from after her enthusiasm for when we were in the RL. I have spoke a few times to her since BU, once she caught me online after a few weeks NC and she seemed really keen to speak, unfortunately I stayed talking too long and I think that was it I never heard from her again. Ever since any time I have spoke online (initiated by me) it has been cut really short by her etc and all I could do was move on. I know she would never ever want back with me and I know for definite that she will never ever contact me again - i'd be willing to put a few grand on that at least lol! I couldn't understand her coldness and total lack of interest all of a sudden I really wanted to make a go of it and she knew it. So it's been about 6 Months since my BU and i'm seeing someone else now. What I would say to you is you need to try and accept what has happened and continue doing your own thing and try to forget the whole thing. It is hard the first few months but gets slowly easier. And try not and think what she is thinking, or thought, because it will drive you insane! Final word: it is good you have no mutual friends because you will not hear anything ever again about her. This is key to healing and moving on - it has helped me. I see these people on here with so many mutual friends between the couple it is scary - you would never get piece. 2011 Edited May 19, 2011 by 2011
Author kalel Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Thanks 2011 - interesting to hear about the angry behaviour... Really really odd. Just dont get it - but as you say nothing we can do about it. She knows I still like her, but got so jealous when she found out I was with another girl. I just cant win... Am currently dating other girls to help me move on. In fact I have a date tonight! Sadly they just dont compare to my ex... I wish I could get through this without having her on my mind constantly. Thanks for the reply
2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 My EX definitely had some sort of personality disorder she even admitted it at a sort of low level but I could tell it was probably more than what she was saying. She is one to hold grudges (admitted that too) and I think paints people as they aggressor and source of all her pain, problems and heartache when in fact it is they who bring it upon themselves. I suppose you could call it rescue dating, I almost felt like I wanted to help her as she was shy and unsure with guys. She hadn't dated much and I think a lot of her friends/family were all excited she had got a BF etc. however it never really showed in her attitude towards the end. Some people can't be explained. Maybe she prefers being alone and/or with family and friends. When we broke up it was almost as if she ran to her F&F and was putting out these strange low-level aggressive messages on FB and through any texts with me like effectively saying I am in a safe place and going to shoot arrows at you from here. Don't need that in my life! 2011
Chi townD Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I apologize if I'm wrong, but you stated several times in your post that you make more money than her and she's poorer than you and that you both run in different social circles...it makes it sound she was way beneath you in your station in life and that you were doing her a favor by dating her. I know it sounds harsh, but re-read your post. Now, if I'm feeling it and I'm a complete stranger, perphaps she was feeling it was well.
Author kalel Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 HeyChina - thanks for the reply. I only mention it because she was very insecure about it and kept bringing it up during the relationship. It really didnt bother me but I think it got to her.
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