thespiff Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 So, I am 19 years old and my boyfriend is 18. We have only met before a couple times, and he asked me to be his girlfriend a few days ago. I said okay because I really like him so I was excited. Now that we are boyfriend and girlfriend I feel like I should be getting a lot more attention from him then I do. He never calls me. Even before we were boyfriend and girlfriend we never talked on the phone. We only text. We text a few times a day, and it is never lovey or mushy or anything. Sometimes he takes up to TWO hours to respond to me. And he doesn't have a job so I know he is home. We can only see each other rarely since he doesn't have a car and we both go to school. I asked him to come up to my dads house with me this weekend but he said that he thinks it's a little too "early" for a weekend getaway together. I felt kind of hurt after that, because HE was the one who wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend so fast. But I shrugged it off and just went on with it. I find myself just coming home after class and staring at my phone sometimes, wishing he would talk to me more. I keep thinking about him because I have such a crush on him, but I am trying my hardest to hold myself back and just try to let him make the moves. He is currently on facebook right now and he has added me but neither of us have even mention changing our relationship status yet. His status is "online" and he isn't away or anything but neither of us have said hi to each other and it's been like a half an hour. I just don't know what to do... I am happy he is my boyfriend but I can't help but want more attention from him then I am getting. Do you guys think I am crazy?
D4ly1341 Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Crazy? Not at all. Clingy? It's always possible. Anyone on this website will only be able to tell you different pieces of advice through the filter of our own experience, so I don't actually think it's a good idea to ask "what should I do?" on a website like this. But, to my point: The most important thing is knowing the parameters of the relationship. No matter what stage of the relationship you are in, you need to have a baseline of communication that both of you agree with. It's a 50/50 deal no matter what. If you have these concerns, anyone will tell you that the best thing you need to do is tell him how you feel, explain to him what you would like to see out of the relationship. First and foremost, however, you really need to understand what you want and you're willing to do for someone that you have only (apparently) dated for such a short amount of time. If he's worth the work, then tell him, if he's not, then consider other possibilities. I'm not saying break up, but I'm saying that maybe where you are at and what's going on isn't bad at all. Ultimately, the most important thing is understanding yourself and what you are looking for out of another person. Are you looking for co-dependence? Are you looking to be completely dependent on him? Or are you looking for a slow, casual relationship without relying on each other at all? I hope that made sense. I'm exhausted because I've been working out for the passed two hours. If you need me to clarify what I said, please let me know.
Author thespiff Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Well.. in most of my relationships I would text them all of the time and be able to tell them that I miss them... and we would talk before I went to sleep. I miss that. I honestly feel like I want a lot of attention in a relationship. I don't need to see him every day, but I would like to hear from him more or at least get flirted with or something. How we are right now is just awkward. We might as well just be friends if this is how my relationship is always going to be like. What I would ideally want is to take things slow, but then eventually become closer and closer with each other. Isn't that how all relationships work? All of my other boyfriends couldn't get enough of me. I just don't want to ruin it by bringing any of this up. I already felt like I ruined it a little bit by asking him to come with me to my dads this weekend.
D4ly1341 Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Spiff: You are so young; but then again, so am I. However, I do know that all relationships DO NOT work the same. In fact, if they did then I don't think we would have the romance in this world that we do; the love shared between two people would almost be lackluster and worthless. I am a hopeless romantic, at times, but that is what I believe. I do agree that it is a long and grueling process to grow closer to your significant other, but someone has to start and the other must be willing to follow. Don't be afraid to talk about your concerns. You are obviously willing to start and now, it seems, you need to know if he's willing to follow.
utterer of lies Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I just don't want to ruin it by bringing any of this up. I already felt like I ruined it a little bit by asking him to come with me to my dads this weekend. But you didn't. Asking him to spend time with you and getting to know your family is nothing wrong. I don't get the impression you are clingy or even crazy, at all. But I'm afraid you will have to face the fact that this 'relationship' is much less of a priority for him than for you.
D4ly1341 Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 But I'm afraid you will have to face the fact that this 'relationship' is much less of a priority for him than for you. That's a possibility, but we haven't heard from his side of the story. So I guess, unlike you, I'm not so quick to make that call. Either way, I can agree.
utterer of lies Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 That's a possibility, but we haven't heard from his side of the story. So I guess, unlike you, I'm not so quick to make that call. Either way, I can agree. Well, there are some clues to that in her post: - the never talk on the phone - he takes two hours to respond to her texts - he's on facebook but ignores her - he doesn't want to spend a weekend with her
D4ly1341 Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Yeah, clues. Again, I agree. But sometimes people just misplace their priorities.
Fondue Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 It seems to me that you have certain "expectations" because of your previous relationships. You keep saying how much you liked the attention that the other dudes gave you. In this situation, this guy is the complete opposite and you're no longer the center of their attention-- so you're upset. I don't think you have any reason to be worried now. Maybe HE is taking it slower than you. Maybe he simply isn't the kind of guy that wants to be overbearing. I honestly don't care much more constant communication either. To me, it dulls out the relationship rather quickly. It can also get incredibly annoying. Texting is cool and all to a POINT. When it comes to it being necessary to text ALL day, that's when it is absolutely horrible. This also applies with texting. If you're expecting someone to text you back immediately, that's kind of selfish. Again, you're trying to make yourself his entire world. Sometimes it's simply impossible to text you back so soon. Even if he is home, he could be busy. Same with phone calls. When you're expected to call everyday, that can get annoying FAST. I understand what that guy is all about. He isn't going crazy over you, and that's absolutely fine. Besides, when you make someone your world so soon, you get tired of them quickly. Find their flaws, etc. It kind of works backwards. I can't explain it well.
plasma Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 So, I am 19 years old and my boyfriend is 18. We have only met before a couple times, and he asked me to be his girlfriend a few days ago. I said okay because I really like him so I was excited. Now that we are boyfriend and girlfriend I feel like I should be getting a lot more attention from him then I do. He never calls me. Even before we were boyfriend and girlfriend we never talked on the phone. We only text. We text a few times a day, and it is never lovey or mushy or anything. Sometimes he takes up to TWO hours to respond to me. And he doesn't have a job so I know he is home. We can only see each other rarely since he doesn't have a car and we both go to school. I asked him to come up to my dads house with me this weekend but he said that he thinks it's a little too "early" for a weekend getaway together. I felt kind of hurt after that, because HE was the one who wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend so fast. But I shrugged it off and just went on with it. I find myself just coming home after class and staring at my phone sometimes, wishing he would talk to me more. I keep thinking about him because I have such a crush on him, but I am trying my hardest to hold myself back and just try to let him make the moves. He is currently on facebook right now and he has added me but neither of us have even mention changing our relationship status yet. His status is "online" and he isn't away or anything but neither of us have said hi to each other and it's been like a half an hour. I just don't know what to do... I am happy he is my boyfriend but I can't help but want more attention from him then I am getting. Do you guys think I am crazy? Hardest thing to do is relax when emotions are involved, im 35 and still get attached more then i should to things, let the situation breath a lilttle
Ruby Slippers Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 First of all, if he doesn't give you that much attention, he's probably not that crazy about you. When a guy really likes you, he makes it very clear. Second, stop thinking about him so much and waiting for his texts. The way to do this is to get some hobbies, do things with your friends, do the things you like to do that have nothing to do with him. Finally, you are always free to downgrade him from boyfriend to dating only, or nothing at all, if he's not doing it for you. Men of just about all ages are interested in women 18+, so there's no need to waste your time with a lame guy who doesn't treat you great.
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