Is this G.I.G.S?

[vlg560]

Hey everyone! So here's my story:

 

Four months ago my ex-GF dumped me for another guy after a 26-month relationship. I'm 33 and she's 28. I got to know her through a mutual friend and we started talking, got close and a month later were steadily dating. Everything went great during the 2 years we were together. We rarely argued, shared the same likes and dislikes, she'd hangout with me and my friends and vice-versa, and we got along well with each others families. We'd see each other almost everyday because she lives only about a mile from where I live.

 

The thing though is, every year due to work, I'd travel out of the country for about 4 months thus forcing us to have a LDR for a few months. I didn't have any problem with it, and she seemed totally ok with it too since it was only 4 months at a time. We'd communicate everyday through text and Skype.

 

I am a very laid-back type of person and love to do relaxing stuff like watching movies, eating out, going to coffee shops and the like, and my ex-GF seemed to have no problem with these activities. She always said that it didn't matter what type of stuff we did, as long as we were together. I always thought it was the perfect relationship and hoped it would never end.

 

During our 2nd year, and after I got back from my last trip abroad I noticed that she seemed a little bit more distant than usual. She would call me less often than usual, and wanted to spend more time at home. I noticed these things but just didn't bother asking her about it since I thought that it was just a phase of the relationship that we were getting more comfortable and used to each other that we didn't have to spend as much time or text and call each other that often.

 

One big thing that caught my attention though was that our intimacy level dropped a LOT, up to a point that it was almost ZERO. I still gave it a little more time and a few weeks later she had to go on a business trip, and there and then it became very obvious that the communication wasn't there anymore. She would only send me a short text message in the morning and that was that. In my mind I decided to wait for her to get back from the business trip and talk to her. And once I confronted her asking what the problem was, she said she still loved me but she admitted that she got tired of the relationship and that she was seeing another guy for the past 2 months. Funny thing is that she is also in a LDR with this new guy. He lives about a 6 hour drive away, is the total opposite of my personality and doesn't seem like a person she would ever hang out with or have a relationship.

 

We broke up mutually that day, but still kept communicating for a week and she ended it saying she couldn't talk to me anymore because of her new relationship. I started NC right away, and it's been 4 months and counting that I have had absolutely no contact with her. If it's worth mentioning, her sister and I are good friends, and we do keep in touch once in a while. She says she doesn't like her sister's new BF at all and her dumping me for that guy actually put a strain on their relationship as sisters.

 

She basically gave me no specific reasons for the breakup, and just that she got tired of "us". Is it a case of G.I.G.S or not? I still love her and think about her every single day, but I know that it gets easier as time goes by, and I know soon enough that I will be ready to date again. I have not broken the NC rule, and never will. If she ever contacts me first, I will surely evaluate the situation and think things over before I make an attempt at responding.

 

Guys, I really need your opinions on this. Thank God for this great site and all you helpful people!

 

 

 

vlg_560

[ummike26]

It's definitely GIGS. Keep NC forever.. She's not worth your time. I had the exact same situation happen to me. It's always another guy that plants seeds in their head and when it happens you know it immediately.. Everything changes. It's like they forget all the great times you had and the bond that was formed and become a totally different person. It starts off with less and less communication (like texts, phone calls),less intimacy, and their attitude in general just sucking around you.. Eventually a break up.

[SCG_Sasa1111]

Wow. This is identical to my situation. IDENTICAL. Everything you said happened to me in one form or another. She left me for another guy after 4.5 years because I left for 15 days to go visit my family in my country and during this period she was all sad and depressed and that guy came into the picture and was there for her when I was gone.

 

Its been about 6 months since it happpend and she automatically got into a relationship with him after everything we have been through. We are both 20 years old so we have been together since we were 15 years old. To be honest It feels like she completley changed as a peron and to the poster above me. It is very true; they completley change, forget all the times you had together and just forget about you just like that. It hit me pretty hard because this is my first serious relationship and it went on this long; but for the way to end I never would have imagined it would happen like this.

 

I would have to say both our ex's are shwoing clear signs of GIGS I really don't know what else to call it ; you don't just go from one relationship into another just like that when this girl was crazy about me and she even told me if I never left this never would have happend. Go figure right? SO what does that say about her? she can't handle 15 days without me so she develops feelings for someone else who comes into the picture and just like that im forgotten?

 

It sucks and I can tell you now; 6 months later I still feel the pain it will take much more time to fully understand all of this and accept it. The worst thing I feel is that I just find it hard to accept how a person you think you know and love and care for can just leave you out of nowhere and get with the other guy right away. But what can you do? Thats what happened to both of us and now we gotta live with that. It is GIGS for sure though its just a matter of time before they come crawling back I think but who knows and really if they do or don't it shouldn't matter right? Keep on going with the NC.

[vlg560]

Wow that's pretty amazing that we all have really similar stories. In my case, a lot of her friends and family don't like this new guy at all, and her sister and I have actually got closer because of what happened.

 

SCG & mike, I totally agree with you last post! It seems like all those years together didn't matter at all, and they didn't put value in all that time spent, not to mention all the emotions involved. After reading on here the threads about GIGS, I was thankful to find the answer to my questions. If not for this site and all the posters here, I'd still be scratching my head and wondering what happened. Now that you guys have confirmed that its indeed GIGS, it makes me feel better knowing its something within her and not me that actually did wrong. Do you guys think that she'll do the same thing to this new guy as what she did to me? To be honest I don't know what my reaction would be or what to do I she ever came crawling back to me, but we'll see, I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

 

On a further note, my ex's sister and I became good friends and she would have really wanted for me and my ex to end up settling down together. When my ex told her sister the whole story about her cheating on me and trading me for another guy, her sister didn't take it well at all, not only because of what she did, but because she didn't like the new guy at all. They ended up having a big argument and up to this day are not on speaking terms because of what happened. My ex isn't trying to make an effort to reach out to her sister or even talk to her. She has even traded valuable time to spend with her family (holidays, vacation time etc) so she could spend it with her new guy who lives like 6 hours away (LDR). What are your opinions on this?

[Kic]

My opinion is that you should also reduce your contact with the sister, unless you're trying to court her (joking). The sister telling you things like the ex not showing up for gatherings, etc... it's not helping you to move on and become indifferent about the ex.

[vlg560]

Kic, thanks for your advice..oh I forgot to mention, me and her sister used to talk about my ex a lot during the 2 months after the breakup. The 5th month is coming up in a couple weeks. Now we still do keep in touch at least once a week but we never talk about my ex anymore. Its more of just catching up on things and our friendship. I'm not thinking about courtship at all because it would kind of be very complicated with the ex and the family and all, but hey who knows what the unforeseen future may hold hahaha! (just kidding). I am doing so well with NC and have so many plans for this year with work and vacation etc, that its helping me a whole lot. In fact I've been feeling so good since yesterday!

Edited May 19, 2011 by vlg560

[SCG_Sasa1111]

The same thing happened with me and my sisters ex. No one not even her friends agreed with what she was doing they even told her your making a mistake; her sister does not like the new guy at all and her closest friends who were with her the entire time are now coming to me telling me she ****ed up and they have completly isolated themselves from her. So what ended up happening is that she basically lost everyone associated with me and her closest friends because no one agrees with what she did. Who could??

 

I still talk to her sister as welll from time to time. but I try not to mention anything about my ex. Back in january my ex did end up calling me and crying on the phone saying how she made a mistake and how she can't do this anymore and how its affecting her schoolwork and life and all these sorts of things. I was so new to the whole break up I guess looking back at it now I probably shouldn't have picked up but what can you do. She did this once more asking to meet and she actually came infront of my building and she said she is done with the guy but she can't break up with him he won't let her and all these things hes punching walls hes threatening to do stuff to himself I have no idea what is going on..but basically all that was bull**** because till this day they are still together and that was 4 months ago. SO what I can tell you is she was just pulling my strings to see if i would buldge..she saw I did and realized I can play both games and continued to do what she desired. I realized this now and I just want to continue to do NC and put all this past behind me. It will take a long time and im taking it day by day. It is especially hard because it is the summer now and Im on my 4 month break until September when I begin 4th year undergrad program and im finding it the hardest now because im not preoccupied as much as I was when university courses were filling up my time. I also play soccer with all my buddies everyday and randoms at this place and it really hurts because her place is liek 5 min walk from where we play so we could run into each other anytime...but what can you do..so far I haven't and if i do ill just look the other way

[vlg560]

Right now I am actually feeling great, had a great night out with friends, keep myself busy all the time, do some hobbies etc. Life is good! I know I haven't had the best first half of 2011 with the breakup and all, but am looking forward to the second half positive that everything could turn around. Guys, all of your opinions and posts have helped me a great deal, and has given me even more motivation to keep doing NC and realize that because of what my ex did, she definitely is not worth it, and like one poster on another thread mentioned, it's better to know now instead of putting a ring on her finger and going through divorce.

 

I know what i'm about to say isn't right at all, but i'm gonna say it anyway. I hope KARMA will bite her in the BUTT pretty hard! It's happened to a lot of people who did me wrong in the past, and I know it will happen again. And if she ever comes crawling back to me someday, I already know what to do. Sorry guys, I just had to squeeze that in on this post. hahaha!

[Art_Critic]

Aren't ALL breakups GIGS ?...

[vlg560]

Oh by the way, as we were breaking up, my ex mentioned that "maybe in the future if there would be a time that we'd both be available, maybe a reconciliation could happen." I was thinking "yeah right, youre gonna use me as a backup plan?" But I know I'd never have the same degree of respect for her ever. Maybe as a human being, yes. But as an ex GF, never.

[NicoleM]

What is G.I.G.S.?? I know what NC is obviously lol

[vlg560]

NicoleM, check out this link:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/

[homebrew]

From someone that has had G.I.G.S. and who has dated people that also got it, the best thing you can do is...

 

1. Agree with and accept the break up.

2. Move on.

 

It takes about a year and half to two years for the average person to go through G.I.G.S.

 

They are going do a 180, date other people, make a lot of mistakes. The will drop a lot of breadcrumbs, want to keep in touch from time to time to see how things are going and a shoulder to cry on when they go through some ruff patches. Trust me, they are not looking to get back together though.

 

For the average person... you can set your clock by the 1.5 - 2 year time frame for them to work through G.I.G.S.

 

I suggest going NC until you have fully healed and moved on from them. After you are over them, LC works best if you are ever interested giving them a second chance. Even if you go full NC... These are the people that will contact you down the road after G.I.G.S.... assuming of course you were in love once and had a good relationship.

[vlg560]

Homebrew, thanks for the awesome article about G.I.G.S. If not for you I wouldn't have known something like this existed and would probably still be puzzled to this day as to what happened between me and my ex GF.

 

I am almost at 5 months NC now, and so far my ex hasn't contacted me or left any breadcrumbs. I am not sure yet what I'm gonna do if she ever contacts me, but i'll just cross that bridge if it ever comes. A second chance might be slightly possible, however right now I'm totally concentrating on me, my friends, hobbies, work etc etc...I have no problem with NC and will never break it. After I have moved on totally, I will not even initiate LC and if we ever come into contact again, it will be her who will do the initiating and not me.

 

What are your opinions and advice for me based on my story above Homebrew? Once again you have been such a great help and I'm so very thankful that you are here on LS sharing and helping everyone.

[NicoleM]

I suffered from GIGS and I didn't even know it.

[homebrew]

I suffered from GIGS and I didn't even know it.

 

Do all of us a favor and tell us about your experience with G.I.G.S.

 

Did you dump a guy because of it? How long did you have it? What were you thinking and feeling before, during and after it? If you dumped someone over it, did you want him back after G.I.G.S.?

Edited May 21, 2011 by homebrew

[NicoleM]

• Wishy-washiness on the part of the dumper. They love you, but aren't IN love with you. They say that this doesn't mean you two are over forever and maybe someday down the road you'll be together again. At the same time, they'll tell you to move on. That was him definitely. I wasn't the dumper though he was. I honestly don't think we will ever get back together to be quite honest. He has clearly moved on.......

[homebrew]

• Wishy-washiness on the part of the dumper. They love you, but aren't IN love with you. They say that this doesn't mean you two are over forever and maybe someday down the road you'll be together again. At the same time, they'll tell you to move on. That was him definitely. I wasn't the dumper though he was. I honestly don't think we will ever get back together to be quite honest. He has clearly moved on.......

 

You were the victim of G.I.G.S. and not the one with it... I see.

 

Sorry about your break up.

[NicoleM]

It happens but it still does sting:o

[poorguy]

Do all of us a favor and tell us about your experience with G.I.G.S.

 

Did you dump a guy because of it? How long did you have it? What were you thinking and feeling before, during and after it? If you dumped someone over it, did you want him back after G.I.G.S.?

 

Dude I dont think anyone who has GIGS or had it would ever post on LS. They are too shallow to bother finding more out about life from sources that cant immediately satisfy their need for attention and or gratification. Like Ive said before, they just have to get to a point where their life isnt everything they imagined it to be....takes plenty of time...but they always do

[homebrew]

Dude I dont think anyone who has GIGS or had it would ever post on LS. They are too shallow to bother finding more out about life from sources that cant immediately satisfy their need for attention and or gratification. Like Ive said before, they just have to get to a point where their life isnt everything they imagined it to be....takes plenty of time...but they always do

 

You are dead on about people with G.I.G.S. and the whole shallow, attention seeking, instant gratification thing! To people with G.I.G.S.... LS is lame and a major Buzz Kill!

 

They think all the people on LS are way to serious and they certainly don't know how to party or have a good time. If only we could be as cool and amazing as people with G.I.G.S.... Hahahahaha!

Edited May 21, 2011 by homebrew

[poorguy]

You are dead on about people with G.I.G.S. and the whole shallow, attention seeking, instant gratification thing! To people with G.I.G.S.... LS is a major Buzz Kill! All the people on LS are not hip and they certainly don't know how to party or have a good time.

 

If only we could be so cool and amazing as people with G.I.G.S.... Hahahahaha!

 

Haha...well in truth we are. Well most of us are....I feel terrible about some folks on here being wrecks right now

 

I had a thought....Three exes with GIGS....I tend to date younger I suppose

 

Ex 1. GIGS...came back=bachelors

Ex 2. GIGS...came back=masters

Ex 3. GIGS...hasnt yet, but when she does/tries...is that a Phd?

[homebrew]

In your case... Probably why you can expect.

 

Having had G.I.G.S... Watch an episode of Jersey Shore or The Kardashians... That is the mindset and the lifestyle you seek. You need constant validation and approval of others, You desire and seek out drama and you think you are the coolest thing since sliced bread.

 

Thinking back how I use to be in my early and mid twenties... Makes me want to puke! I do not even recognize that person. I was such a "poser" / fraud! I was all "flash" and no substance.

 

The people that you hang around are all the same. You get screwed over, lie too, date people you can't trust, back-stabbing, major drama, you always have to be on your "a" game, you have no meaningful conversations or true friends. More or less, it's he11!

 

Trust me, if your Ex has G.I.G.S.... They are lost and feel empty. They are miserable and not having as much fun as you think they are. That is why most of them all drink like crazy and use drugs.... To numb themselves.

Edited May 22, 2011 by homebrew

[poorguy]

You are dead on about people with G.I.G.S. and the whole shallow, attention seeking, instant gratification thing! To people with G.I.G.S.... LS is a major Buzz Kill! All the people on LS are not hip and they certainly don't know how to party or have a good time.

 

If only we could be so cool and amazing as people with G.I.G.S.... Hahahahaha!

 

Haha...well in truth we are. Well most of us are....I feel terrible about some folks on here being wrecks right now

 

I had a thought....Three exes with GIGS....I tend to date younger I suppose

 

Ex 1. GIGS...came back=bachelors

Ex 2. GIGS...came back=masters

Ex 3. GIGS...hasnt yet, but when she does/tries...is that a Phd?

Edited May 22, 2011 by poorguy
Double post

[poorguy]

In your case... Probably why you can expect.

 

Having had G.I.G.S... Watch an episode of Jersey Shore or The Kardashians... That is the mindset and the lifestyle you seek. You need constant validation and approval of others, You desire and seek out drama and you think you are the coolest thing since sliced bread.

 

Thinking back how I use to be in my early and mid twenties... Makes me want to puke! I do not even recognize that person. I was such a "poser" / fraud! I was all "flash" and no substance.

 

The people that you hang around are all the same. You get screwed over, lie too, date people you can't trust, back-stabbing, major drama, you always have to be on your "a" game, you have no meaningful conversations or true friends. More or less, it's he11!

 

Trust me, if your Ex has G.I.G.S.... They are lost and feel empty. They are miserable and not having as much fun as you think they are. That is why most of them all drink like crazy and use drugs.... To numb themselves.

 

Somehow I double posted lol...whatever.

 

You didnt have GIGS...you just grew up and became a man. Young ladies, for all who are reading, get GIGS. They have so much attention from other guys as well as other girlfriends. It just doesnt stop....well, that is until it stops and it does.

 

I think after all of this is said and done Im going to start a thread on here, ummm, maybe in about six minths to a year explaning GIGS from a point a females point of view. It will be my thesis for my final degree in it. Hopefully it will be enlighting for all with questions and who wonder what is going on?