Cabin Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I was having a conversation with my friend today who shared with me that her dad - who left to be with his OW after DDay 20 years ago - had been unable to just make the decision to leave his W, and had been hoping DDay would find him so that the decision would be made for him. She said she thought this was cowardly at first, but that she understands that he felt he couldn't 'consciously' make the decision to leave his wife and children, although he had found the right partner for himself. Now 20 years later - happily they wed about three years ago - my friend acknowledges that her dad is with the right woman and that he was human and made some mistakes in getting what he wanted. It made me wonder for any fence-sitters (I hate to use this term as it implies most people willingly keep both the MP and AP on hold) if the idea of actually just leaving your spouse seems too difficulty and you're hoping Dday will take care of that for you? Or for anyone who waited to be discovered before leaving W/H, was that conscious on your part? I've heard that for some DDay is the thing that scares the MP right back to their M, totally shutting out their AP... but for those who were hoping for DDay (if that applies to anyone here) what was the result? Thanks!
crazycatlady Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 From reading my husband's phone messages I know he wished DDay would happen. Because the lying was really getting to him. Little did he know technically dday happened a month before that. I was wanting for cday (confession day). I don't know what would have happened if she hadn't immediately pulled a complete and total disappearing act, well as much a disappearing act as she could. But his wish for dday was so he could stop lying. He would never have chosen between us unless one of us women forced it. When he told me, I told him I wasn't going to force him to chose. I was going to decide what I could and couldn't put up with and stay or leave as I felt. His life, his choice, my life, my choice. But I am betting a lot of people in affairs get to a similar point. Either want to be kicked out, or told to shape up or ship out.
waytogo Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I did wonder at times if xMM did want a DD. I'm not sure what his W would have done. I don't know if he knows what she would have done with his crap. I was in 'OW love' (sorry, I want to puke at that thought also), and wanted things to 'happen as easy for all as possible' (same as in above parenths). It annoyed me at times the chances he took. Looking back, at times I think he may have had in mind an exit affair. Never happened. He's still there and hopefully his kisses his driveway to his W's head and toes everyday when leaving and returning to the home.
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