commonsense101 Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. You'd think that's a long time and a lot has been established with us. However, recently things have just been going down hill. Lately he's been getting pushier. He wants to hang out with women from work and says that I should be okay with him talking to women on the phone, texting, and hanging out with them outside of work. When he asked me if I was alright with him going to the bar with some woman he'd met at work while out of town, I told him that I wasn't and it made me uncomfortable, and I'd rather he not go. BUT I said that is he really wanted to I couldn't stop him. I said that I hoped he had fun but I did not say he couldn't go, just that I didn't really like it. He's over 300 miles away from me, of course I don't like it! He freaked out on me and told me that I was being a crazy jealous girlfriend and he didn't want to be with me if I was going to try and dictate his life. (Later on after he made me feel bad for him not going, he finally told me that it was going to be her and a lot of people that worked in the area going, that she hadn't really asked him, but asked him if he wanted to because her guy friend suggested they let him tag along so he could get to know the people from the offices) My problem isn't that he wanted to go or that he wants females for friends... it's that he isn't listening to me and he's taking my feelings and throwing them in my face rather than just talking to me. People get jealous, its natural. We get territorial, its natural. But your supposed to give your SO support and reassurance when that happens right? He more or less just says that he's sorry I feel that way and he wished I didn't. But in his opinion that shouldn't stop him anyways. Before he left to go out of town for this job he took me to a fancy restaurant and bought me bouquet of roses and everything. Now this crap not even a week later! I realize I might be being a little territorial but he just treated me like crap after I told him how I felt about it. So... I gave in. I told him that I trust him and I didn't think he'd do anything to hurt me and this one drink with a co-worker after work was okay. Only later he went on the tell me that a different girl, an ex-coworker of his, who was relocated twenty minutes away from where he's stationed for work, text him and asked if he wanted to come and see her new place of work (they work in hotels). He asked me how I felt about it and I said okay, because I didn't want him to get mad at me for putting 'restraints' on his life. He said that I'm allowed to do the same things. That this is the way 'real' and 'normal' people live, that we need our 'own' friends through life. He said that I would meet her when we moved down there where he's working because its a promising location and the company wants to keep him there. I'm about to uproot my life for this guy and I'm starting to question his intentions.
Datura Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I'm starting to question his intentions. Rightfully so. Why is he even asking for your input if he's going to do what he wants regardless? Is this some kind of test? If you're being calm, and not blowing up, then him calling you "crazy" and "jealous" is really off the mark. He is completely disregarding how you feel, and is misconstruing your words. It is odd to pursue relationships with women AFTER a relationship has been established - that is by no means "normal" unless it is an open relationship. He could easily be insinuating that, especially when he gives you 'permission' to do the same.
Fondue Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Only later he went on the tell me that a different girl, an ex-coworker of his, who was relocated twenty minutes away from where he's stationed for work, text him and asked if he wanted to come and see her new place of work (they work in hotels). He asked me how I felt about it and I said okay, because I didn't want him to get mad at me for putting 'restraints' on his life. He said that I'm allowed to do the same things. That this is the way 'real' and 'normal' people live, that we need our 'own' friends through life. He said that I would meet her when we moved down there where he's working because its a promising location and the company wants to keep him there. If he says this is okay, then why don't you start hanging out friends as well? It only seems fair. I would see the problem in this situation if he restricted you from having platonic relationships but continue to do so himself. But in this case, he's telling you to do the same as him. I think this is okay. Or maybe if you DO get a few male friends, he might not like that-- and that's throwing it right back at him. You see what kind of man he really is .
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