WildWoman78 Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 My BF and I have been together for 3 years on and off. We started our relationship soon after getting out of our first marriages, and well, his divorce was worst than most. He didn't deal with his issues around it and the events surrounding it before we met, and hence had some serious lingering emotional issues. We kept on trying to figure out a way for him to deal with his issues within the context of our relationship, or while taking some space but not breaking up. It didn't work. Other than these issues, and how they manifested themselves in our relationship (fear of commitment, mostly), we had the perfect relationship. Got along in regards to money, family, lifestyle, sex, etc. Best relationship I've been in despite the issues. Finally, after a few sad events (he cheated on me while I was away with an ex-girlfriend from 20 years ago), we decided we needed to break up for awhile, and see if he could sort out his issues. We decided on a 3 month break, mainly because I knew it wouldn't be wise for me to give him anymore time than that. I told him he had to see a therapist on a regular basis during this time and deal with his issues, or this wasn't worth going through. He did, which is great. We are 2 months and a week or so into the break, and he just got in touch with me wanting to get back together after the 3 months is over (his therapist thinks he's got a few more things to work on beforehand). He said all the right things, and I am really happy that we are getting back together. I've missed him so much. The problem is, I find myself doubting everything -- thinking he is going to change his mind, or want another break again in a year or something, or cheat on me again. Anyone been in a situation like this? I really want to start fresh and erase as much of the past as possible, but I need some tools to do that. Is it just time? Couples counseling? Any thoughts you all have would be greatly appreciated.
love4me2c Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I'm going through something similar with my B/F. The only way I know how to start over, is to do just that. I will not go back in time and bring up the wrongs. If you find that you want to go back there, start a journal. Write your feelings out on paper. I know that exercise has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. Sure you are going to be suspect, but I know of no other way to start over than to give everyone, yourself included, a clean slate. Now, I don't think you need to be a doormat, but give your partner the benefit of the doubt when you start to get those "feelings." I know it is hard. I'm struggling with it myself. One thing that a counselor told me, which ended up being true, is if your partner is cheating or lying, it will eventually come out. One way or another.
Recommended Posts