torque Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I lost my last username here or it was deleted, I'm not sure. I can't even find the email account it was associated with but that is not the issue lol. I am going insane daily over the situation I am in. Here's a quick run down. I am a 34 year old guy. I have a child, and her mother living with me. The child is mine btw. I don't considering myself with the woman anymore as we really have no contact at all. She sleeps in the guest room and myself in the master bedroom. We have been together over 10 years now and it has been a very bumpy road to say the least. Our relationship started out with her already in one with another guy. I tried to walk away then but she promised me it was "a joke with him and we're not really together". That should have told me to stay away as she was known to be a cheater. Anyway things went well for a couple months, then long story short she was going out with a male co-worker to the movies and staying the weekend at his house. We "broke up" but got back together. Well here's a nice long list. We got together in November of 99. In March of 2000 is when that had happened. Basically after that the rundown is before our child was born she was sneaking around hanging out with her ex, she was telling people at her college she was single and was even kissing at least one guy there. Next was with my best friend with whom she was hanging out with a lot. I hear from third parties that they were having sex. She swears it never happened, even to this day. After that, and yes I'm stupid to be with her still, our child was born. Things were ok for a couple years. Then she started flirting with people online, massively. I think the count was over 30 people. Most not near this state, but she was basically having quite a few EA's. She ended up attached to two of them, one on the other side of the country and he told her he wasn't into her like that and she was heartbroken. I laughed. Especially since this guy was my friend as well and was doing this behind my back and talking to her like that behind my back. To cut to the chase.. she slept with at least two people that she confirmed. I believe there to be others, at least 2 others IMHO but she will not confess. She kissed multiple other people and flirted up a storm with probably 40-50 people in total over the years. On top of that she decided to start cheating on me and sleeping with a guy weeks after my father had passed away. My father and I were very close and I was taking it pretty hard. I found out and confronted her. At first she denied it, but I had finally lost my sanity at that point and basically threatened her. Well it wasn't a threat, I was going to do some serious things to both of them. However I got drunk and passed out that night as I knew I would not drive once I started drinking. Well like an idiot I moved her and my son into my home the next year. I wanted my son to have a great life and have a family. She was suppose to help with finances, and help take care of the house as I work a 50 hour week and have little time to do things. So a few years pass and she doesn't help and doesn't do anything. I end up meeting someone online. I have a business trip out towards that way so we decide to meet up. Instant chemistry, more than what we had online. We ended up staying together my entire trip there and I slept with this girl, multiple times. Things progress and I have now been out to see her about 10 times, 4 this year alone. The OW knows about my sons mother and knows things have been strained between us for quite some time. We started out as friends and we basically share everything between us. I don't really feel any connection with my sons mother and I feel like I have given her so many chances and she does nothing but use me and leech on me. I really don't know what to do here. I feel like if I break things off with his mother I am the bad guy, especially to my son. I feel as if I'm the one that is destroying everything he knows. However if I stay what does that acomplish? The OW wants a relationship with me and I with her. I told her if I were to have a relationship with her I would have to wait some period of time if I break up with my sons mother since I have been with her for such a long time. It just would not feel right to jump from one relationship to another. The OW is fine with that. The OW is also 9 years younger than I am, and can act immature at times. I really dug myself a nice deep hole here and I don't know what to do now. I've felt dead inside for a very long time and the OW made me feel as if I was someone. Any advice on this situation will be taken and I look forward to reading any and all replys. god bless
Bryanp Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Your son's mother is a serial cheater who continued to put your health at risk for STD's. She has played you like a violin and made you look like a fool time and again. I do hope that you have had a paternity check on your son and also that you have been tested for STD's. Why would you believe that she was not cheating when she got pregnant? Why you are still with her is beyond me since clearly she has shown that she has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
reservoirdog1 Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Don't fall into the trap of "staying together for the children". Kids are resilient. And it's far more healthy for them for their parents to be not together but happy (at least one of the parents, anyway), than together but miserable and devoid of affection for each other. The important thing is that your child has a model of a healthy relationship. Right now, there isn't one. Even if you split and the mother is miserable, if you can manage to build a happy life and a healthy relationship, that's something your child can take inspiration and knowledge from.
Author torque Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 A serial cheater seems about right with her. Now myself I use to take pride saying I've never cheated nor would I ever. In all honesty I've told myself we're not even together anymore. We don't have any contact with each other. No hugging, no kissing, obviously no sex for a year now as well. The only thing I feel bad about is my son in this situation. I don't want to make the mistake my father did with his kids. I try to learn from the past. I don't want him growing up hating me because I left his mother. I'm not really a bad guy deep down, but I am so tired of always being hurt and always being a doormat. I just feel like I'm the bad guy because I'm finally tired of her BS and don't know how to deal with it.
Author torque Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 nobody else has any insight? I am totally lost and no idea what to do. Also I must say she was also having another EA on the phone with a guy she met online as well only a few months back. Since then they had a fight and have had no contact with each other. I caught her when I set up a tape recorder and left the house. I played it back and heard how she was talking to him. It just won't stop I don't think. She needs attention from every guy she talks to it seems.
theobserver Posted May 21, 2011 Posted May 21, 2011 Nobody is adding to give advice because the comments made are enough. This woman is no good. You've been told "our" opinion. I would cut my losses with this woman for the good of your sanity and providing your children a better life. This woman as a deep emotional hole and you are not going to fill it. I don't think any man can. I feel sorry for the way she has humiliated you but the path your on is no good too. Divorce/Seperate NOW!
Recommended Posts