milkmaterial Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 not unless you have kids or if you get some monetary compensation for it (like a business you share or something) but its really pointless to be friends. you cant even be friends while being in a rel. w/ this person, and it will just hurt you. back then when i was younger i used to do all sorts of dumb things, i had a lot of guys going for me and i couldnt choose so i ended up dating simultaneously. i was yong back then i didnt really know what was right or wrong..or maybe i did i just didnt care. anyway i notice most of my ex's, who i was close with , dont communicate w/ me anymore and vice versa. only 1 guy out of a total of 6. if i break up w/ them, i dont ask them to "just be friends". that is so lame. i would just say break up and thats it. being friends doesnt work cause the other party expects you to be back w/ them and you cant even tell them about your life cause they get jealous..or a bit hurt. and what is the point of that? anyway all i am saying is that i dont believe in this friends bit anymore, i can safely say i am older now and even though i make mistakes still, i know way more than i used to. we have to be true to ourselves, what is the poitn of being friends? just to be rational? just to be cool? why cant we be true to ourselves and just avoid people who hurt us because they have done it before and they will certainly do it again. thats all.
Desensitized Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 not unless you have kids or if you get some monetary compensation for it (like a business you share or something) but its really pointless to be friends. you cant even be friends while being in a rel. w/ this person, and it will just hurt you. back then when i was younger i used to do all sorts of dumb things, i had a lot of guys going for me and i couldnt choose so i ended up dating simultaneously. i was yong back then i didnt really know what was right or wrong..or maybe i did i just didnt care. anyway i notice most of my ex's, who i was close with , dont communicate w/ me anymore and vice versa. only 1 guy out of a total of 6. if i break up w/ them, i dont ask them to "just be friends". that is so lame. i would just say break up and thats it. being friends doesnt work cause the other party expects you to be back w/ them and you cant even tell them about your life cause they get jealous..or a bit hurt. and what is the point of that? anyway all i am saying is that i dont believe in this friends bit anymore, i can safely say i am older now and even though i make mistakes still, i know way more than i used to. we have to be true to ourselves, what is the poitn of being friends? just to be rational? just to be cool? why cant we be true to ourselves and just avoid people who hurt us because they have done it before and they will certainly do it again. thats all. Eh. We won't be hung up over the ex's when we meet someone new and desirable. I'd want to stay friends with my ex-fiancee because she taught me a lot of valuable lessons in life. Once my feelings die down for her, I would definitely want to rekindle our friendship (only if she wants, of course). But becoming friends with your ex right after a break up or even several months after a break up is a big no. A person needs time to heal, and that time period is completely different from person to person. Hopefully my ex-fiancee and I will be able to be friends again. Hopefully she understands in the future why I had to cancel our engagement.
GivenUp0083 Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 My recent ex (2 weeks ago) told me she wants to stay in touch and be friends. Most mind-boggling to me was as she was breaking up with me she reiterated a few times "I want to be here for you if you need someone to talk to" I can't understand her reasoning behind this. This just sounds sadistic to me, like she's talking down to me because she dumped me and knows I'm hurt, yet wants to be there to rub it in my face? Like me confiding in her is going to make me feel better? I've wanted to contact her very much at certain points in the last couple weeks and I've been lucky enough to hold my ground. It's all based on the false pretence that I think she'll change her mind. If she changes her mind, it has to be on her own, and even if she would still have to convince me she wouldn't pull this on me again (which would be very hard to do). I can't but help feel like I need more closure sometimes, but I know that if there's any chance of her coming back, I have to maintain NC for her to ever realize that.
Dims85 Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 My ex said she wanted to stay friends after we broke up, I said no she said she could respect my decison. Fast forward 2 months and shes calling me crying saying how much she misses me and wants me in her life, so we meet up and its the same thing. I want you as a friend and someone to talk to, we had been together for 6 1/2 years and she didn't want to lose my friendship. Stupidly I say we can start slow and work on stuff but I was very cautious. I regretted this decison immediately realizing that there are huge gaps in what we want in life and I do not want to sacrifice my dreams for her needs. I was thinking with my emotions and not my head(children,Marriage, etc) Needless to say that was almost 3 weeks ago now and I haven't heard from her. They will only use you to make themselves feel better. Do not be friends with them, they chose to leave you and make their made, now they have to sleep in it.
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