Silly_Girl Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 In my experience it's men who are adamant to try and stay friends with ex-girlfriends. If I have dated someone and only know them in that scenario, if we're no longer dating... Bub-bye. If that person was an a.rse to me, I've no interest in staying friends. If I had a friendship history with someone (my ex-H) and there's a mutual social scene then yes, I may try and convert the R back to friendship - a way down the line. A couple of exes of mine, and of my friends, seem over-keen not to break contact with their ex, but to stay 'friends'. I would guess it's an ego thing, keep the ol' mobile phone topped up with numbers of lovely ladies...?
jwi71 Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I've noticed this as well...though I personally have NO contact with any woman who was once a lover or romantic GF. Its over for a reason and I see no need to return to something that is already broken. Not to mention being incredibly rude, insensitive and disrespectful to the current GF.
SoMovinOn Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I have never had any interest in staying friends with my ex's. If we were friends, she wouldn't be an ex.
phillyfan Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 In my experience it's men who are adamant to try and stay friends with ex-girlfriends. If I have dated someone and only know them in that scenario, if we're no longer dating... Bub-bye. If that person was an a.rse to me, I've no interest in staying friends. If I had a friendship history with someone (my ex-H) and there's a mutual social scene then yes, I may try and convert the R back to friendship - a way down the line. A couple of exes of mine, and of my friends, seem over-keen not to break contact with their ex, but to stay 'friends'. I would guess it's an ego thing, keep the ol' mobile phone topped up with numbers of lovely ladies...? A dude sees it as keepin the door open to be able to have sex wit u in the future. Sad but tru
nothingbutblueskies Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 A dude sees it as keepin the door open to be able to have sex wit u in the future. Sad but tru Or you know they could generally be a nice person and not want to throw away all of the non-romantic aspects of the relationship, but you're probably right, all men are ****heads just looking to get laid by any woman who will open her legs.
freestyle Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 It took me a lot of years , but I finally figured out that "being friends with an ex" is usually an urban myth. More often than not, it's one party or the other keeping a foot in the door. Unless they show the utmost respect for the current relationship---like my ex from 20 years ago---invited me & my SO to his wedding---there was respect all around, so it was cool. I don't see my situation as being the norm, however.There has to be maturity, loyalty to the present partner(s), openness, and absolutely no hidden agendas, or leftover feelings.(as well as being comfortable for every party involved)In my scenario, I'd been broken up with the ex for over a decade by the time he got married---we only talked to catch up on mutual friends once in a blue moon.
ladydesigner Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 In my experience it's men who are adamant to try and stay friends with ex-girlfriends. If I have dated someone and only know them in that scenario, if we're no longer dating... Bub-bye. If that person was an a.rse to me, I've no interest in staying friends. If I had a friendship history with someone (my ex-H) and there's a mutual social scene then yes, I may try and convert the R back to friendship - a way down the line. A couple of exes of mine, and of my friends, seem over-keen not to break contact with their ex, but to stay 'friends'. I would guess it's an ego thing, keep the ol' mobile phone topped up with numbers of lovely ladies...? Yes it was my XOM who insisted on us staying friends (He was the one who ended the A and also had a five year relationship with current gf). I was more or less bub-bye too. He actually begged me to stay friends and to not forget about him:rolleyes: I also think it is for the ego boost and door open for more sex because guess who kept it friendly and who didn't keep it friendly? Yep him. Almost a year of LC being friends and my XOM had the nerve to tell me that he still gets dirty thoughts about me. That was it for me... NC for you buddy:laugh:
Audacia Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I have remained good friends with my last ex. We dated 4 years and cohabited the last 3. Now the last year we reverted back to a friendship. It was mainly companionship. Neither of us made any effort to maintain the relationship. We did not cheat on each other and never fought. We both sat down one night and decided we should both let it go. We agreed we could stay together but we both wanted more in our lives. It was a crying laughing night. We were both mature enough to end it without deceit. We were honest to ourselves and each other. It's hard to maintain a friendship with a person who has hurt you but I believe if the relationship ended as a decision of both people then a friendship can be maintained. Now his current W and my H were both skeptic at first but now we are all good friends. They attended my wedding and we were the first people at the hospital when their first child was born. It is possible but it takes maturity and a respect of boundaries.
Circular Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 In my circumstance it's the opposite. xMW and I had a friendship->EA->PA that evolved over 3 years. I stopped it because she became very distant, mostly out of guilt and the rollercoaster was a bit much for my liking. It wasn't a PA anymore, and definitely was not feeling EAish either, it was like she flipped a switch just suddenly and conversation became dead, emotionless, etc... I told her 'its over' and thought it was what she wanted also, she then hit me with 'friends' and I basically said 'maybe someday' and went NC. Of course that's been broken many times by her mostly. Now a year later she is still pushing 'friends' even though I've been non responsive (until recently) and resistant. Is it ego? foot in the door? Is it that she wants to go back to an EA but is masking it in denial?
betterdeal Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Sometime staying friends is possible; sometimes becoming friends is possible and sometimes it's better to have a good enemy than a bad friend.
TinaniT Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Exes as friends don't bother me for me or my partner in the slightest. Some people are better as friends and you can be friends immediately; the romantic didn't work. Some are better down the line after you failed romantically. Some of course you can't maintain... But usually, if you liked that person for a reason beyond attraction, why wouldn't friendship be a possibility? I've never had a problem being friends with an ex. People try to claim opposite sexes can't be friends, too. Seems to me it always says more about the one worried than reality. (Of course, I think we've all had cases where it didn't work, but also many where it did.)
crazycatlady Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 This is strange, I'm friends with almost all of my ex boyfriends and former lovers. Same with my husband. And it has nothing to do with renewing anything down the line - though a few former lovers I wouldn't mind roll around with again if I got the chance. I'm not the jealous type...and romantically we didn't work out but since I usually only dated great guys of course I want to be friends with them still. BUT I also never dated guys for very long until I met my husband. I couldn't settle down, I knew from the start they weren't right for me. I also was very nice when I broke it off with all of them (only had one guy break it off with me first and we remained good friends afterwards too). I've arranged a dinner with the first guy to ever ask me to marry him with my husband so they could meet each other. I love the first guy, he saved my life, but I turned down his proposal because neither of us truly were in love with each other and the relationship was never harsh even after we broke up. He was a great guy, and someone I would love to find and see how he is but I haven't managed it so far. I'm also friends on facebook with all my old boyfriends from high school and also all the guys I had dates with in high school. They are just great guys and I enjoy chatting with them. Maybe its different for me because my H and I are open. But more probably the fact that all of my relationships were short term. His were longer, and he is not friends with many of his ex girlfriends but that's their choice and his I suppose.
Author Silly_Girl Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 I'm fairly good friends with my ex-H, and my first love. But I have heard several men say so very proudly 'I'm friends with most of/all my exes". As if it matters. My ex-SO used to like to contact an ex occasionally. Y'know if he felt neglected because he'd not got head for at least ten mins
Seeker Sam Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I can't see the point in bf-exes, unless they were a good friend beforehand. As for h or w exs, if there are children involved, its a no-brainer. Maybe the circumstances of the breakup means there it is more of a polite civility than a real friendship, if the breakup doesn't involve infidelity then friendship is critical. My x-H and I are friends. Our children are doing great because of it.
Owl Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Remaining close friends with an ex that you had been "with" before can be a HUGE, HUGE risk to your current relationship. How many OW/OM/MW/MM have we seen here in affairs with an "ex"??? Seems like a foolish risk to me, to remain in any kind of close contact with an ex. It's too easy to "fall back" to them in a moment of weakness or confusion if you're not good at working through issues in your current relationship. From what I've seen, this isn't tied to men or women...seems to be about equally common between both.
betterdeal Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 No need to be close tho, is there? I have friends who I'm not close to, for instance.
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