PinkChic Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 My ex and I were pretty inseperable, completely inlove and had so much respect for each other. I would not be lieing if I said that we litterally came right out of a love movie. That's how great our relationship was. He was the first man I think I truly fell in love with. We went on a romantic weekend getaway and two days later, my ex passionately kissed me before out of the blue breaking up with me. He couldn't give me any reasons why and said "i just don't feel it anymore". To say the very least I was completely devastated. (This was about 7 weeks ago) For two weeks he was completely drop dead mean. Told me I was NOT the girl for him (I was too successful, too caring and too forward), told me he didn't mean anything he said to me in the time we were together and that "our run was great while it lasted"... A girl can only take so much of hearing this. I finally decided to rejoice what little respect I still had for myself and go no contact. I did this and a week later he was calling me up begging me to meet him for dinner. I reluctantly agreed and met him. This dinner was NOTHING of what I expected. He was continuously telling me all the mean and hurtful things he was telling me from the begining of the break up. I could not believe he was doing this. I told him that night before leaving that we were very over in my book, that tomorrow he was dead to me. The very next morning he texted me that he didn't sleep at all and that he made the bggest mistake of his life and he begged me ALL day to take him back. I could not believe what I was reading. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD LIVE TO SEE THIS DAY. He is NOT the type to admit he is wrong or to actually coming running back. He did. It has been a little over a week and to be honest he has beyond exceeded my expectations, I feel like I am constantly telling him my doubts about how I think he will pick up and walk out on me again and he continuously reassures me and begs me not to give up on us. He told me the past month was the most miserable month of his life and he realized and faced his feelings that he needs me in his life. He is doing everything right, but something feels so wrong to me. I'm still so devastated at HOW he broke up with me and the pain he put me through. I know this can't ever work until I put my doubts aside and also give 100% like he is.. it's just so hard for me. We were perfect. We were the couple everyone wished they were like. He ruined that. He is trying so hard and I'm just not feeling it. Do I give it time? anyone have experience in this? Thank You so much!
lawlz_xD Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Pinkchic, perhaps this is not the rejoicing reunion that you had in mind with your ex because somewhere in your head, you still feel hurt and betrayed that he could say all those things after the amazing time you two shared. I believe you still have a fear that he will do it again; just pick up his things and leave you out of nowhere. This is just my opinion.
Author PinkChic Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 Pinkchic, perhaps this is not the rejoicing reunion that you had in mind with your ex because somewhere in your head, you still feel hurt and betrayed that he could say all those things after the amazing time you two shared. I believe you still have a fear that he will do it again; just pick up his things and leave you out of nowhere. This is just my opinion. I could not agree more. That is exactly my fears.
Popondetta Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Hi PinkChick! I just posted a reply to you in my thread (met my boyfriend by coicidence....) So you're still feel confused and not able to relax? How long were you together? I guess maybe you need some sort of explanation as to HOW he could possibly say all those mean things to you and the SUDDENLY change his mind? Did he say anything about this to you? And does it seem like he has gained some more insight in himself and what he wants now? I think in order for things to work out the second time around he really need to understand how deeply those words he said affected you.. Maybe he just doesn't realize how hurtful it was to you and maybe he needs to know so that he can explain why those things happened. (Sometimes people don't realize how their words and actions hurt others). I really hope things can work out for you two, but it will probably take some time for you to trust him again...take it slowly!
Graceful Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I'll say up front I don't believe in second chances that are done in a half-azzed manner. And this one was done half-azzed, sorry, but that's the truth. Why is the second chance up to your ex, first of all? Why aren't you involved in the decision? It's as though he said jump, and you said "how high?" whether you look at it that way or not, that's the truth. You should have said wait a minute, ex, you dumped me a few weeks ago, and now you're telling me you've seen the light? How so? There is always a grain of truth in what a person says, even if it is in the heat of the moment. I don't care how apologetic someone is, if they tell you that you are "too forward, and too caring" that is how they feel. So he thinks you were too caring? To me, that means he thought you were overbearing, so when you backed off during the breakup period, and weren't around, he got lonely. It's just a matter of time before he tells you that you're "too caring" all over again. He got lonely. You backed off. He didn't expect to feel so bad. He is not in love with you, or he would NEVER have done what he did. He has feelings for you, but they're not as strong as he made you believe. He showed you who he was, now believe him. Second chances are not what they are cracked up to be unless there is a wide open conversation, communication, rebuilding of trust, and a great deal of honesty from the person who dumped you to come clean and EXPLAIN why they dumped you. Was the relationship a lie? Why did he go from HOT to COLD and back again? That's a bunch of shizz, if you ask me. So get to the bottom of this situation, or you'll have only yourself to blame, because you're really the one who is controlling this situation, not him. You get to decide if he is worthy of you. Not him. See what I mean? Best of luck and take care. P.S. Sometimes a person can hurt you beyond repair. The damage is done. He has to know how badly he hurt you and that you can't just forget that he is capable of being so cruel. He showed you who he was, right in front of you eyes. He could have said, honey, can I ask you to be a little less overbearing? I love you, but I need my space. See what I mean? Instead, what did he do? He dumped you. Don't be afraid to point that out to him. Maybe you're the one who "just doesn't feel it anymore" -- you know?
Author PinkChic Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 I must say Graceful, you hit the nail on the head for me. I would have said the same thing to my friend if she were in my shoes. I also don't believe in second chances, I never have. I have always given it my all while I was IN the relationship. He is not a man of many feelings but we have had quite a few heart to hearts recently and he has assured me and said that he got scared and ran. Typical commitment phobe. I truly believe a serious CP like him can not help himself. He NEEDS professional help. I also agree that once the damage is done it is done. That's exactly how I feel. He is a good smooth talker, like most CPs. I think I'm going to follow my gut and my heart. It hasn't failed me yet!
Recommended Posts